What young women believe about their own sexual pleasure
4,561,015 views |
Peggy Orenstein |
TEDWomen 2016
• October 2016
Why do girls feel empowered to engage in sexual activity but not to enjoy it? For three years, author Peggy Orenstein interviewed girls ages 15 to 20 about their attitudes toward and experiences of sex. She discusses the pleasure that's largely missing from their sexual encounters and calls on us to close the "orgasm gap" by talking candidly with our girls from an early age about sex, bodies, pleasure and intimacy.
Why do girls feel empowered to engage in sexual activity but not to enjoy it? For three years, author Peggy Orenstein interviewed girls ages 15 to 20 about their attitudes toward and experiences of sex. She discusses the pleasure that's largely missing from their sexual encounters and calls on us to close the "orgasm gap" by talking candidly with our girls from an early age about sex, bodies, pleasure and intimacy.
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About the speaker
In her groundbreaking book Girls & Sex, Peggy Orenstein explores the changing landscape of modern sexual expectations and its troubling impact on adolescents and young women.
Deborah Roffman | Da Capo Lifelong Books, 2012 | Book
This book, for parents of children of all ages, will help you transcend your own stammering embarrassment, give you language with which to talk to your child about sexuality and help you become the "askable parent" you want to be.
Debra Haffner | William Morrow Paperbacks, 2008 | Book
I recommend this one for parents of children from infancy through about age 13. Haffner is the former president of the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States and a Unitarian Minister (the Unitarian/Universalist church, by the way, has one of the best sex education curricula ever — "Our Whole Lives" — that goes from kindergarten into adulthood). She places sex education in a developmental context — because it turns out, for instance, that a four-year-old who asks, "Where did I come from?" may be asking something entirely different than what you imagine.
Al Vernacchio | Harper Wave, 2014 | Book
Al is one of the foremost sex educators in the country, and the originator of the infamous "sex is like a pizza" metaphor, which was popularized in his TED Talk, "Sex Needs a New Metaphor." His progressive, positive approach to teen sexuality is exactly the one many caring adults wish they could take but don't know how. Al guides parents in creating a culture of honesty in the home, communicating values and dealing with our own baggage so that we can talk about sexual issues calmly, clearly and effectively. Just like he does.
Lisa Wade | W. W. Norton & Company, 2017 | Book
Wade is a fabulous writer and sociologist whose insight into the college hookup scene are invaluable. This book is a great one for parents to read and discuss together with their teens.
Emily Nagoski | Simon & Schuster, 2015 | Book
This is the best book I have ever read exploring the science of female sexuality. I am a total evangelist for Nagoski’s work, which also can also be found on the blog, "The Dirty Normal". You think you know how women's sexuality works? I can guarantee that you do not. Not until you read this, anyway. The book is definitely great for college students and for bright high schoolers as well. For a quick intro to some of its wisdom, check out Nagoski's TEDx Talk.
| Explore
OMGYes is dedicated to "lifting the veil on female pleasure." Their videos on enhancing enjoyment and orgasm are explicit, but educational (for the over-18 crowd, although I'd rather have a younger teen watching them than most porn). They draw from science and research gleaned from 2,000 women ages 18-95. There's also an interactive component that I can't possibly explain. You just have to see it.
Robie Harris | The Family Library | Book
Every home with young children should have at least one (if not all) of Harris's books. And my best advice is: get them before you think you need them and have them at the ready when those first questions come. They are the one-stop go-to resource for the basics about reproduction, healthy relationships, anatomy, reproduction and sexuality.
Heather Corinna | Da Capo Lifelong Books, 2016 | Book
Corinna's book is to older kids what Harris's are for the little ones: it's the definitive resource for high school and college students. Corinna is the producer of the equally excellent resource, Scarleteen.com (see below). But nothing substitutes for having this big, honkin' full-service book on your teenager’s bookshelf. It will answer every question they will ever have on sex and relationships, and do it in a way that is unbiased, accurate, positive and real.
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For 5th-7th graders. The site's motto is "more info, less weird." And it's true. They have great videos on reproduction, puberty, healthy relationships, sexual identity, safety and more.
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Scarleteen.com and Sexetc.org and Go Ask Alice and Lacie Green's YouTube videos (https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen)
All of these offer clear, honest, accurate information for teens. So much better than Googling "What is … (fill in the blank with the sexual act of your choice)."
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I often suggest that those who want to know more about porn check out Gary Wilson's TEDx talk, "The Great Porn Experiment
" and Cindy Gallup's "Make Love Not Porn".
| Explore
Why consent is like a cup of tea made a huge splash when it first came out. It's still great.
How do you know if someone wants to have sex with you? Well, how do you know?
Fck yes I love this series on YouTube. It’s explicit but fantastic and, really, explicit is what's necessary to show that consent is sexy!
How do you know if someone wants to have sex with you? Well, how do you know?
Fck yes I love this series on YouTube. It’s explicit but fantastic and, really, explicit is what's necessary to show that consent is sexy!
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This talk was presented at an official TED conference. TED's editors chose to feature it for you.