135,656 views | Maria Engels • TEDxAllendaleColumbiaSchool
Nonviolent Communication and Self Awareness
One of the biggest buzzwords listed on a resume is being a ‘good communicator’ or having ‘strong communication skills’. However, we often see the opposite occur, especially during this current age of online trolls and messages of hate in the comments sections of online platforms such as Facebook or Instagram. In my opinion, a good communicator means that one is actively practicing this skill. We go to the gym to get stronger, sometimes that means cardio or lifting weights. We also need to exercise our muscles around communication. So, how do we do that? Using the framework of Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, we can learn how to communicate effectively by bringing it back-to-basics with a four-step process of communication. Nonviolent Communication focuses on how to listen nonjudgmentally and focus on what the other party is actually saying. It uses curiosity to ask questions in an effort to connect rather than becoming argumentative in order to prove a point. It requires our ego to step aside and make space for finding a creative solution that benefits all parties involved. The four steps are focused in the following order: observation, how you are feeling, how that connects to underlying needs, and lastly - connecting those feelings and needs to making a clear request. Effective communication has been and is going to continue to be a necessary skill for the human race. We have a lot to learn, especially from toddlers: they have an uncanny ability to state exactly what they need. “I have to pee.” “I am thirsty.” By skillfully acknowledging how we feel and what we need, rather than pretending we’re okay at all times, this presentation gives examples of how to true connect through effective communication, especially across political party lines, in efforts to build resiliency and community.