What we don't teach kids about sex

For more than twenty years, Regina Thomashauer (Mama Gena) has taught women how to reclaim their innate feminine power and life force and learn that pleasure is their birthright. She proposes a radical rethink of the patriarchal system, one in which women are taught to cultivate their desire through sexuality, embodied movement, connection to the feminine and sisterhood. Her work, more than any, has informed my research on The Talk 2.0.

Nicole Daedone describes the practice of orgasmic meditation, a 15-minute partnered practice that brings awareness to sensation without narration and creates space for connection with the self and other. She calls this the orgasmic state and reframes our relationship to pleasure and sex by focusing on body awareness, approval of every sensation, clear and defined boundaries, and the practice of direct communication with one’s partner. What is novel here is how this practice separates erotic pleasure from our inherited cultural, religious, social norms. This, along with Pussy: A Reclamation, has deeply informed my work.

Sex is a fundamental and inseparable part of who we are and how we connect with everyone and everything. Wholistic sexuality, Winston writes, is first and foremost about our connection with ourselves and is a lifelong journey of learning based on accurate and useful models. If this were the book children came across while looking for information about sex, the world would be a better place.

Gabriel Roth encourages us to find our internal rhythm and expand our range of physical expression as a solo practice or with other dancers where there is a culture of acceptance and permission. Dancing creates a mind-body connection and when practiced with others, is an opportunity to experiment with boundaries, connection, and individual expression. Five Rhythms is a global dance movement that welcomes all bodes, all ages.

There is a reason that talking to our children about sex is uncomfortable. It requires an examination of one’s own beliefs and experiences, which can challenge the best of us. Jovanovic, a long-time therapist and sex educator, helps parents examine their values and their desires for their children so they can approach their child’s sex education with clarity.

Dr. Karen Rayne Gently guides parents with tools to help develop their children’s sexual intelligence. Her message: talking to one’s children about sex is not really about talking. It’s about listening, waiting for (and making) the right moments, asking only one question, being prepared and staying cool, no matter the question or circumstances. To be an unflappable parent when it comes to sex, here is her resource guide.

Tell Me About Sex, Grandma by writer and illustrator Anastasia Higginbotham
introduces sex as something we are born with, not something outside of us that “will happen” in adolescence, in adulthood, in love, or in marriage. Higgenbotham conveys a spacious definition of sex through a tender conversation between a wise matriarch and her grandchild about how a person gets to make choices about how they want to experience their own sexuality.

I Love You Rituals by Becky Bailey offers ideas about how to bring more touch, eye contact, and connecting games and traditions into your family. Games, like putting lotion on all the hurts, learning body parts, creating a family handshake, waking up and going to bed rituals and drawing on each others’ backs, create playful opportunities for emotional and physical connection and bringing our full attention to our children. “Children sense our psychological departure and generally think it has to do with their worthiness,” Bailey writes. I Love You Rituals encourages parents to set aside time to be fully present with their children.

This community run website that has been answering teens’ questions about sexuality and relationships since 1998. Articles, guides, and resource lists are written by adult or emerging adult educators and is highly inclusive, researched and medically-accurate.