Ideas worth spreading

A new way to think about the transition to motherhood

2,261,746 views |

Alexandra Sacks |

TED Residency

• May 2018

When a baby is born, so is a mother -- but the natural (and sometimes unsteady) process of transition to motherhood is often silenced by shame or misdiagnosed as postpartum depression. In this quick, informative talk, reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks breaks down the emotional tug-of-war of becoming a new mother -- and shares a term that could help describe it: matrescence.

When a baby is born, so is a mother -- but the natural (and sometimes unsteady) process of transition to motherhood is often silenced by shame or misdiagnosed as postpartum depression. In this quick, informative talk, reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks breaks down the emotional tug-of-war of becoming a new mother -- and shares a term that could help describe it: matrescence.

This talk was presented at an official TED conference. TED's editors chose to feature it for you.

Learn more about making #motherhoodunfiltered on social media and other initiatives inspiring women to share their matrescence stories.

Donate to Postpartum Support International, a nonprofit that helps women around the world find treatment for postpartum depression and provides a help hotline.

About the speaker

Alexandra Sacks

Alexandra Sacks

Reproductive psychiatrist

See speaker profile

Alexandra Sacks, M.D. is widely recognized as the leading clinical expert on matrescence: the developmental transition into motherhood.

Alexandra Sacks | New York Times, 2017 | Article

"The Birth of a Mother"

Alexandra Sacks | New York Times, 2018 | Article

"Reframing ‘Mommy Brain’"

Claire Howorth | TIME, 2017 | Book

"The Goddess Myth: How a Vision of Perfect Motherhood Hurts Moms"

Journalist Claire Howarth captures the voices of new mothers experiencing pressure to project an outward image of ease, when inside they're wrestling with chaotic emotions. She describes "The Goddess Myth" that the motherhood transition is blissful and how real women are left feeling ashamed of their more complex experiences.

Rachel Cusk | Picador, 2003 | Book

A Life's Work: On Becoming a Mother

Rachel Cusk is a powerful novelist who wrote this witty, deep and laugh out loud account of her first year of motherhood, with all the gritty details on her personal identity transformation. It's a psychologically vivid account of matrescence unlike any other that will leave you feeling affirmed, inspired and politically curious.

Ian Leslie | Slate, 2013 | Article

"Ambivalence Is Awesome"

This short essay makes a clear argument for an idea that Freud took volumes to describe: it's natural to feel two conflicting emotions at the same time. Leslie explains that ambivalence is not the same thing as indifference, and a universal part of the human condition. He draws from a variety of thinkers including F. Scott Fitzgerald who described the intellectual value of ambivalence: "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function."

Daniel N. Stern, Nadia Bruschweiler-Stern and Alison Freeland | Basic Books, 1998 | Book

The Birth Of A Mother: How The Motherhood Experience Changes You Forever

Twenty years ago, Daniel Stern M.D., a pioneering psychiatrist who studied mothers and infants, joined with a pediatrician and journalist to write the first user-friendly medical account of how when a baby is born, so is a mother.

D. W. Winnicott | Da Capo Lifelong Books, 1992 | Book

Babies And Their Mothers

For a primary source and historical perspective, check out this collection of original essays by pediatrician and psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott, a founding thinker in attachment and psychoanalytic theory. His concept of the "good-enough mother" describes that healthy and loving parenting does not require a mother to be perfect.

Pamela S. Wiegartz, Kevin L. Gyoerkoe and Laura J. Miller | New Harbinger Publications, 2009 | Book

The Pregnancy and Postpartum Anxiety Workbook: Practical Skills to Help You Overcome Anxiety, Worry, Panic Attacks, Obsessions, and Compulsions

This is one of the most widely used self-help books to support pregnant women and new mothers. It answers common questions about postpartum depression/anxiety and offers Cognitive Behavioral Therapy workbook exercises to help with stress and worry.

Aurelie Athan and Heather L. Reel | Feminism & Psychology, 2015 | Article

"The Maternal Psychology Laboratory's Reflections on the 20th Anniversary of Deconstructing Developmental Psychology"

For an academic perspective on how maternal identity is underexplored within the historical scholarship of developmental psychology.

Learn more

This talk was presented at an official TED conference. TED's editors chose to feature it for you.

Learn more about making #motherhoodunfiltered on social media and other initiatives inspiring women to share their matrescence stories.

Donate to Postpartum Support International, a nonprofit that helps women around the world find treatment for postpartum depression and provides a help hotline.