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I just want to say, over the last few years I've been -- had the opportunity to do this closing conference. And I've had some incredible warm-up acts. About eight years ago, Billy Graham opened for me. And I thought that there was --
I thought that there was absolutely no way in hell to top that. But I just wanted to say -- and I mean this without irony -- I think I can speak for everybody in the audience when I say that I wish to God that you were the President of the United States.
I just want to give you a quick overview. First of all, please remember I'm completely politically correct, and I mean everything with great affection. If any of you have sensitive stomachs or are feeling queasy, now is the time to check your Blackberry.
So, one of the questions I ask myself is, was this the most distressing TED ever? Let's try and sum things up, shall we? Images of limb regeneration and faces filled with smallpox: 21 percent of the conference.
Because this is the most distressing TED ever, I've been working with Neil Gershenfeld on next year's TED Bag. And if the -- if the conference is anywhere near this distressing, then we're going to have a scream bag next year.
He was talking about morality. Economy class morality is, we want to bomb you back to the Stone Age. Business class morality is, don't bomb Japan -- they built my car. And first-class morality is, don't bomb Mexico -- they clean my house.
Now we had a Harvard professor here -- she was from Harvard, I just wanted to mention and -- and she was actually a professor from Harvard. And she was talking about seven-dimensional, inverted universes. With, you know, of course, there's the gravity brain. There's the weak brain. And then there's my weak brain, which is too -- too -- absolutely too weak to understand what the fuck she was talking about.
one of the things that is very important to me is to try and figure out what on Earth am I here for. And that's why I went out and I picked up a best-selling business book. You know, it basically uses as its central premise Greek mythology. And it's by a guy named Pastor Rick Warren, and it's called "The Porpoise Driven Life."
about One Laptop Per Child. Now let's talk about some of the characteristics that are important for this revolutionary device. I'll tell you a little bit about the design parameters, and then I'll show it to you in person. First of all, it needs to be small. It needs to be flat, so it's transportable. Lightweight. Portable. Uses very, very little power. Very, very high resolution. Has to be visible in bright daylight. Will work anywhere. And broadly applicable across many platforms.
Now, we've actually done some research -- Neil Gershenfeld and the Fab Labs went out into the market. They did some research; we came back; and we think we have the perfect prototype of what the students in the field are actually asking for. And here it is, the $100 computer.
OK, OK, OK, OK -- excellent, excellent. Now, I bought this device from Clifford Stoll for about 900 bucks. And he and his team of junior-high school students were doing real science. So we're trying to check and trying to douse here, and see who uses marijuana.
Now the good news about Architects for Humanity is they're really kind of the most amazing group. They've been sponsoring a design competition to come up with innovative medical housing solutions, clinic solutions, in Africa, and they've had a design competition. Now the wonderful thing is, Larry Brilliant was just appointed the head of the Google Foundation, and so he decided that he would support -- he would support Cameron's work. And the way he decided to support that work was by shipping over 50,000 shipping containers of Google snacks.
So I want to show you some prototypes. The U.N. -- you know, they took 20 years just to add a flap to a tent, but I think we have some more exciting things. This is a home made entirely out of Fruit Roll-Ups.
And those roll-up cookies coated with white chocolate. And the really wonderful thing about this is, when you're done, well -- you can eat it. But the thing that I'm really, really excited about is this incredible granola house.
OK, so, Einstein, what's your favorite singing group? Could you say that again? What's your favorite singing group? OK, one more time -- I'm just going to give you a little help. Your favorite singing group -- it's Diana Ross and the --
TR: So, we've talked a lot about global warming, but, you know, as Jill said, it sounds kind of nice -- good weather in the wintertime, and New York City. And as Jay Walker pointed out, that is just not scary enough. So Al, I actually think I'm rather good at branding. So I've tried to figure out a good design process to come up with a new term to replace "global warming."
So we started with Babel Fish. We put in global warming. And then we decided that we'd change it from English to Dutch -- into "Het globale Verwarmen." From Dutch to [Korean], into "Hordahordaneecheewa."
Now I don't know about you, but Michael Shermer talked about the willingness for human beings -- evolutionarily, they're designed to see patterns in things. For example, in cheese sandwiches. Now can you look at that carefully and see if you see the Virgin Mary? I tried to make it a little bit clearer.
So, I talked to Josh Prince-Ramus about the convention center and the conferences. It's getting awfully big. It's getting just a little bit too big. It's bursting at the seams here a little bit. So we tried to come up with a program -- how we could remake this structure to better accommodate TED. So first of all we decided --
that we needed about one-third bookstore, one-third Google cafe, about 20 percent registration, 80 percent luxury hotel, about five percent for restrooms. And then of course, we wanted to have the simulcast lounge, the lobby and the Steinbeck forum.
Now let me show you how that literally translated into the design program. So first, one of the problems with Monterey is that if there is global warming and Greenland melts as you say, the ocean level is going to rise 20 feet and flood the hell out of the convention center. So we're going to build this new building on stilts. So we build this building on stilts, then up here --
OK. Now, we've heard, of course, that we're all soldiers here. So what I'd really, really like you to do now is, pick up your white piece of paper. Does everybody have their white piece of paper? And I want you to get out a pen, and I want you to write a terrorist note.
Now I wanted to use this talk to talk about global warming a little bit. Back in 1968, you can see that the mountain range of Brokeback Mountain was covered in 151 inches of snow pack. Parenthetically, over there on the slopes, I did want to show you that black men ski.
But over the years, 10 years later, the snow packs eroded, and, if you notice, the trees have started turning yellow. The water level of the lake has started drying up. A few years later, there's no snow left at all. And all the trees have turned brown. This year, unfortunately the lakebed's turned into an absolute cracked dry bed. And I fear, if we do nothing for our planet, in 20 years, it's going to look like this.
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Satirist Tom Rielly delivers a wicked parody of the 2006 TED conference, taking down the $100 laptop, the plight of the polar bear, and people who mention, one too many times, that they work at Harvard. Watch for a special moment between Tom and Al Gore.
Traditionally, Tom Rielly closes the TED Conference with a merciless 18-minute monologue, skewering all the speakers with his deadpan delivery, spot-on satire and boundary-less performance (complete with PowerPoint, pratfalls and partial nudity).
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