Kat VonTesla

Kansas City, MO, United States

About Kat

An idea worth spreading

This Kerouac quote always really resonated with me: “the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”

I'm passionate about

Music, dance, literature, spoken word poetry, documentaries, self expansion, over analyzing and... much to my chagrin....being wrong a great deal of the time

People don't know I'm good at

Slowly and strategically disemboweling my old feather pillow

Favorite talks

Comments & conversations

197805
Kat VonTesla
Posted about 1 year ago
How to let go of your old/past self
Yes I am. And it's less about changing my whole self and more about being able to discern what from my past still serves me well and what to let go of. I don't think the qualities I'm trying to walk away from in my own past were bad or even negative. I have found, however, that they no longer serve a purpose in the life I'm living now I suppose. When I was younger, I performed all the time. I met a lot of incredible human beings and I wanted to talk to everyone, do everything and didn't want to be rooted down by anything or anyone. It was a great period in my life BUT as I've grown and started raising children, I've had good reason to re-evaluate who I was then and who I am now. While my life is still pretty good, it's not quite as exciting as it once was and I have days when it's hard not to want to be THAT person again. When you're on stage, you get that validation quickly and en masse :) The life I have now is equally as fulfilling and exciting (in different ways) but that validation has to come from myself now. The trouble is, when I have my off days it's easy to switch on that old process of "how do I get back to being that person" when it probably SHOULD be "how do I create the feelings and assurance I had then in the life I have now and from myself rather than from a crowd". It's a process :) Thanks for the input and that's great advice!
197805
Kat VonTesla
Posted about 1 year ago
How to let go of your old/past self
There is some great discussion going on here. I love seeing the different view points/perspectives on what this question has meant and does mean to everyone else out there. I'd like to pose a new question now that occurs to me after reading all of your replies. I know on a personal level that I have some trouble with letting go to just BE. Not because I disagree with the concept but because I've been so mutable for the majority of my life that there's not root structure or one specific core truth that I have found to be my own focal point/true self. I don't feel that this is a negative or wrong way of being but it does make it different to focus the energy and simplify (again for me personally...I won't speak for everyone). One of the biggest issues because of this and because I performed for so long is learning the art of validating my happiness from within and then standing firm and maintaining that strength. A great deal of what I've put out into the universe was done on a stage and validation came externally. After living that way for a majority of my life and having no reason to question it then, I find it hard now to turn off the need for that "atta boy" and accept my own with equal power and assurance. I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts on self validation vs. the external. Again, I understand and agree with the concept but I'm a bit out of practice. So for the sake of my own clumsy attempt at evolving here, I'll ask for some input ;)
197805
Kat VonTesla
Posted about 1 year ago
How to let go of your old/past self
To a degree... I don't feel paranoid per say and I've yet to master thinking before I speak. It's more the feeling of needing to keep up a certain image/persona around everyone. I've been this social shapeshifter for so long that I've never had the chance to really dig in and be all of myself at once. In a lot of intimate relationships, I tend to hold back and feel more like a diluted version of who I'm supposed to be if that makes sense. After being "this" for so long, I've found that there are instances where I'm just to exhausted to keep it up and I'm at least more of myself than usual and I end up feeling like I've upset things. That tends to foster very well intentioned but annoying comments that start of "you know what's wrong with you is..." and then I fall back into character. After speaking with a few other people who spend a large amount of time performing, I've found that I have a few comrades in this awkward stage of introducing myself TO myself finally. Sounds a bit odd, I'm sure. Realizing all this was the major reason I decided to step back and stop performing so it wasn't quite so easy to fall back into the addiction to external validation and to try and figure out what a lot of others figured out years ago ;) Upon doing so, I found that there weren't to many (if any) books/discussions dealing with this from the standpoint of a performing artist and I thought hey.... I bet TED would be a great place to start. So far, I'm really glad I put this out there. You've all had some great insight and some really good points!
197805
Kat VonTesla
Posted about 1 year ago
How to let go of your old/past self
First off I would like to thank everyone for replying. I appreciate the advice and the perspective from a different set of eyes. I tend to get trapped in my own head a great deal :) After speaking with my sister and a few friends and getting that familiar look of "what the hell are you talking about?" followed by the usual and very well intended advice of just being yourself, I did more digging and more talking. I found that my perspective on all this is coming slightly left field than some. My trouble with being able to clear away the self-imposed mud so I can follow aforementioned advice, is that I have to have a starting point. I need to understand where I am now in perspective to who I have been up until this point. And the reason that is so difficult (well perhaps not the only reason but the one that struck me first and hardest) is that I have been performing since I was 4 years old. Because of this factor, I've never BEEN "myself". Whoever that is. I've been putting on a show my entire life. Hell I won't even listen to certain songs with the windows rolled down driving because of 'keeping up appearances'. The ridiculous part is that logically, I realize everyone else is living their own lives...not waiting for me to screw up ;) But this discovering myself is very new and very foreign because of those circumstances. Which makes this concept of letting go, breathing in, and just BEING incredibly challenging. I wanted to put the idea out there to gain some insight...and perhaps get out of my own head for a minute or two.