Suz Carr

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Noface
Suz Carr
Posted over 1 year ago
How do you deal with passive aggressive individuals?
You let a PA control you when you care what they think. When you get small, they have you. they will challenge your image you have of yourself. If you think you are a nice person. The will bet on that to get you. So you have to be willing to accept the fact that somepeople will consider you a B#@CH, SELFISH, UNCARING, It seems to cut to the chase with a clear but calm and considerate "What do you want?" Why are you telling me this? What do you want me to do about it? not defensive but clear. or " i am not interested right now in the opinions of other's, I am interested in what is bothering you." My you seem very angry.. ,, upset, "I understand your point, but I don't agree with you". About the $200 . Then you tell your sibling to step aside and leave you to handle the situation. let me make my own mistakes if necessary. it is insulting that they interfere with your process. If either the hotel clerk or you have a lesson to learn it is not to be resolved by you sibling. Boom. There are of course lots of different gradients of PA behaviour. PA's do not know boundaries or how to say no. NO! is already a deterent. No is already something that ruins the atmosphere. but then of course like a wave it builds up. So encouraging a PA to express what they want without reprocusion (judgment) and also knowing that they may also not get what they want, but will not be judged for it. will be very handy. The wave that comes after too much passivity usually is self anger that we have denied ourselves and made ourselves small by being too hard on ourselves and so therefore we lash out usually on someone we trust or feel close too enough to get angry with.... otherwise we wouldn't even dare. and over dramatize the situation. Now i know enough to say. I am probably being overly dramatic, but this is how I feel. Another sibling of mine, just avoids any deep conversation, and his partner insists there is nothing wrong, just say how you feel.
Noface
Suz Carr
Posted over 1 year ago
How do you deal with passive aggressive individuals?
Hi Mary, 1. my mother is passive aggressive and personally I think, Manic Depressive. ( her parents too PA) and so I think my siblings also 2. I also show smaller signs of Passive behaviour and have worked very hard to get that under my umbrella of responsibilities.. 3. I live now in a community that is full of PA types. and some of my friends are at the brink of being ruined by PA types. Regarding my family. I was labelled and very good at diffusing arguments. Hate arguments. Hate all the violent outbursts and anger. The result of peace making and praise for my peacemaking abilities is that I never accepted the other side. Which has become a dark side. All the bad things I did, I kept undercover. Which probably aren't so bad. I essentially didn't allow myself to be myself. As an adult it has come out. I have had very strong opinions about things I don't like and I do what I always do "Tolerate the behaviour" Tolerate the discomfort. passive... let it slide.. aggressive...... how dare you get the upperhand while I am denied the chance. Where strict rules are present there is PA behaviour. "hey wait a minute! you are not obeying the rules! that's not allowed." I am going to tell on you. Report you. but I don't want to be the whistle blower, cause secretly I want to be free from these rules too. I want the freedom you so blatantly feel belongs to you and you alone.!!! %$&^%$ So I will disguise my anger as "concern" and make you feel bad that you are so thoughtless. I will not come right out and tell you because that would mean a confrontation and then you will start yelling at me! no no. I will even initiate a curiosity 'would like to understand you' conversation. just so I can prick you with the message, "Listen you are not aware that others are very inconvenienced by your unconscious behaviour". Mother's personal favorite. get you vulnerable and then kill A PA disguises a judgment as an opinion and then say, "but whatever, that's just me" ..