Jan 21 2013: I definitely don't think of sympathy and compassion to be the same. I agree with Colleen that sympathy is pity. I would say if anything that empathy and compassion are the same. I'll need to give some more thought to the difference between empathy and compassion, if there is one.
Somebody told me a couple of years ago to never pity anybody. Their reasoning was on the grounds that everybody has different ideas of what makes good or bad circumstances. Some of the things I have experienced might make some people want to pity me but I feel, who are they to pity me? I don't want their pity. Most people don't want pity. I did have a boyfriend who wanted everyone's pity and I think that's a sad situation, not least because most of the problems he had were actually created by himself.
I suppose in a sense pity is the opposite of envy. In the same way that I don't want people to pity me I don't want them to envy me for the "good" opportunities I've had. And I completely agree with Colleen that as every experience is an opportunity to grow, pity is unnecessary and inappropriate. From every bad experience comes good, and from every good experience comes bad.
I consider myself to be very empathetic. Part of this is because I am, and have always been, highly sensitive and aware of other people's feelings. Part of it is because I have been through some hard experiences and am very open-minded. I try not to judge others. One of my favourite sayings is "Don't judge a man til you've walked two moons in his moccasins". I used to be more judgmental and quite self-righteous but am happier now, having realised that there aren't really so many bad people in the world but that people have very different value systems. Putting myself in other people's shoes when they react with anger, realising that anger usually comes down to fear, makes me happier in the long run. Now, I just need to start showing myself some more empathy/compassion for my own mistakes!
Jan 21 2013: Collen and Derek, glad you like the article! I hadn't looked up the definition of "nice" before either and now that I have I see that there are many different usages of the word. I think it's good to think about whether we want to be "nice" or "kind". :)
Jan 20 2013: I have also been pondering on this subject for the last year or so. My take is very similar, that nice guys finish last in one particular race, but actually win another race. The people who say "nice guys finish last" are in fact playing a whole different game, which they don't realise. Not all the nice guys necessarily realise they're winning a different game but many do.
I'm also reminded of an article called "The difference between being nice and being kind", which I highly recommend. http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/marcia-sirota/too-nice_b_946956.html . Basically the author draws a distinction between giving as an act of love, an act of kindness, and giving out of fear, which she terms being nice. Being nice to her is actually anything but kind, a relenting and grudging submission to someone higher in the pecking order. She explains it much better than me.
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A comment on Conversation: If this were the last day of your life, how would you spend it?
Somebody told me a couple of years ago to never pity anybody. Their reasoning was on the grounds that everybody has different ideas of what makes good or bad circumstances. Some of the things I have experienced might make some people want to pity me but I feel, who are they to pity me? I don't want their pity. Most people don't want pity. I did have a boyfriend who wanted everyone's pity and I think that's a sad situation, not least because most of the problems he had were actually created by himself.
I suppose in a sense pity is the opposite of envy. In the same way that I don't want people to pity me I don't want them to envy me for the "good" opportunities I've had. And I completely agree with Colleen that as every experience is an opportunity to grow, pity is unnecessary and inappropriate. From every bad experience comes good, and from every good experience comes bad.
I consider myself to be very empathetic. Part of this is because I am, and have always been, highly sensitive and aware of other people's feelings. Part of it is because I have been through some hard experiences and am very open-minded. I try not to judge others. One of my favourite sayings is "Don't judge a man til you've walked two moons in his moccasins". I used to be more judgmental and quite self-righteous but am happier now, having realised that there aren't really so many bad people in the world but that people have very different value systems. Putting myself in other people's shoes when they react with anger, realising that anger usually comes down to fear, makes me happier in the long run. Now, I just need to start showing myself some more empathy/compassion for my own mistakes!
A comment on Conversation: How can overly empathetic/sympathetic people compete in this world? Do they eventually end up jaded and bitter?
A reply on Conversation: How can overly empathetic/sympathetic people compete in this world? Do they eventually end up jaded and bitter?
I'm also reminded of an article called "The difference between being nice and being kind", which I highly recommend. http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/marcia-sirota/too-nice_b_946956.html . Basically the author draws a distinction between giving as an act of love, an act of kindness, and giving out of fear, which she terms being nice. Being nice to her is actually anything but kind, a relenting and grudging submission to someone higher in the pecking order. She explains it much better than me.