Mar 21 2013: If we were able to change our perceptions of what strength and courage is, then men wouldn't have to compromise. Courage means being true to the heart. You can be strong of character. Being able to cry while being unafraid of being perceived as weak takes courage and strength. Being able to say 'no' to your peer group and stand on your own takes courage and strength. Men can show vulnerablility and still be considered strong, in fact revealing vulnerability IS strength. Its just that attitudes of BOTH men AND women need to change when considering what strength really is. Women can keep men in the MAN BOX just as much as Men do. Have a watch of Brene Brown for more info on that.
BTW Tony Porter speaks to men all the time, thats his job. The men are not being excluded, in fact this Ted talk is quite the opposite - its INCLUDING women in this issue (just in answer to those who say 'its a pity its only to women)
Jan 22 2013: Why are gender roles against gender equality? Equality is the right to chose and be accepted. If I choose to stay at home and look after my children that should be accepted and respected. Often times it is not. It is looked down on. That isn't equality. People get mixed up with equality and being the same. Men and women are not the same!
Jan 10 2013: I again disagree, your generalization is alarming. I am married to a man who is outside the man-box and I actively encourage him to continue to be this way. It helps me connect to him when he can talk about his feelings. In fact, ask many women who are already in relationships - I predict many will say that they prefer their partners to be able to talk about their feelings.
I googled, dark triad scientific studies women and this is about narcissism. I have a mother who is narcissistic. They are attractive people because they have to be. Their whole existance is geared to feed off another. It has nothing to do with gender or finding a real relationship. If you end up in a relationship with someone like that it will not be pretty. If it is your sole purpose to attract someone for sex, do whatever you can. But if you are wanting a mate its better to be yourself else you end up pretending forever and being unhappy. Whatever your opinion is of women I seem to disprove your theory simply by existing.
Jan 9 2013: No, its not about 'acting' anything. A man doesn't have to 'act' or do anything. He is a man, and he's beautiful, an enigma. Men don't realize how amazing they are. They don't need to put on an act, square up, flex - in fact I rather they didn't. Its like having a skill and feeling so confident in it that you don't have to tell anyone. You don't have to prove anything. You just are. If both genders could be like that - its as though both genders have been made to feel inferior or something. It's weird, our attitudes to ourselves are just so wrong. Is it just a fear of not being good enough?
Jan 9 2013: I totally agree with you. Recently I have been exposed to the female gaze in cinema. It has become apparent that even in the media, it is not generally known what women find attractive. It has been assumed by men, men in advertising, male directors, male writers etc etc. what women find attractive. And there has been a lot of backlash against the female gaze, as though women can't find men physically attractive, as though its just not possible. I'm just making a point that men who fear that they won't be found attractive anymore don't really know what women find attractive, since it hasn't really been represented. And the generalization of attractiveness is pretty silly in itself. We are all different and all have different tastes. The main point is though, that I believe most women are rooting for those men willing to make changes (as well as finding them increasing in attractiveness!).
Jan 9 2013: The ancient 'macho' man would not have been stupid enough to beat and rape women. He would use his strength to protect his family. Affection and love would have released oxytocin which would have created strong bonds and trust to keep families together. This would keep extended families in close proximity protecting the young from predators and bad weather. Those that were stupid enough to use violence against women would not have formed bonds, there would not have been trust, families would not stay together and the young if even born healthily would be vunerable to predators and likely die. Even if those men succeed in forced slavery it would end in bloodshed and death as we have seen before.
Jan 9 2013: this is the manbox at work alright. You obviously enjoyed the company of women and rejected the notion of the manbox - you weren't afraid to spend time getting to know women and spending time in their company. You got labled as gay for spending time with women and the men that were in the manbox too afraid to leave are relegated to staying in the company of other men to look (or prey) on women. Speaking from my point of view and experience I think most women are intimidated by groups of men who are out on the pull and really do feel 'preyed' upon. The men can feel safe that they are not gay, they are intimidating and definitely not weak, and they are definitely not looking for a long term relationship (that wouldn't be in the manbox) they are only looking for sex. That's a very small box to live in I'm glad you chose to live out of it.
Jan 9 2013: I don't agree, I think this is generalization based on some unfortunate experience you have had. It's the same arguments I hear all the time. Some men don't want to take responsibility for themselves and blame others. You're blaming both women who are attracted to manbox men, and the men who are manbox men. Just be yourself and respect women and let them be who they are. The main problem is not women, the main problem will never be women - its always both genders. Men need to deal with their crap, women need to deal with ours.
But I agree that women are also stuck in a box. But its not be attracted by men who are in the man-box. I think its simply 'be attractive'. Unless we are attractive we will lose our jobs, lose our men, lose our children without any hope of getting them back. These are all deep seated fears and may not make sense. But that is where the obsession starts, its rooted in fear. So women become obsessed with how they look.
Men who further objectify women for sex make this problem worse. You end up with genders who need each other but are completely alienated from each other. Both genders need to bridge the gap. And that means standing out on our own, out of our boxes under scrutiny, exposed to criticism. That takes a bit of courage and a bit of responsibilty. The blame game is well and truly over.
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A comment on Talk: Susan Blackmore: Memes and "temes"
A reply on Talk: Tony Porter: A call to men
BTW Tony Porter speaks to men all the time, thats his job. The men are not being excluded, in fact this Ted talk is quite the opposite - its INCLUDING women in this issue (just in answer to those who say 'its a pity its only to women)
A comment on Conversation: Which philosophies create better long lasting relationship Gender roles or Gender Equality
A comment on Talk: Tony Porter: A call to men
I googled, dark triad scientific studies women and this is about narcissism. I have a mother who is narcissistic. They are attractive people because they have to be. Their whole existance is geared to feed off another. It has nothing to do with gender or finding a real relationship. If you end up in a relationship with someone like that it will not be pretty. If it is your sole purpose to attract someone for sex, do whatever you can. But if you are wanting a mate its better to be yourself else you end up pretending forever and being unhappy. Whatever your opinion is of women I seem to disprove your theory simply by existing.
A reply on Talk: Tony Porter: A call to men
A reply on Talk: Tony Porter: A call to men
A reply on Talk: Tony Porter: A call to men
A reply on Talk: Tony Porter: A call to men
A reply on Talk: Tony Porter: A call to men
But I agree that women are also stuck in a box. But its not be attracted by men who are in the man-box. I think its simply 'be attractive'. Unless we are attractive we will lose our jobs, lose our men, lose our children without any hope of getting them back. These are all deep seated fears and may not make sense. But that is where the obsession starts, its rooted in fear. So women become obsessed with how they look.
Men who further objectify women for sex make this problem worse. You end up with genders who need each other but are completely alienated from each other. Both genders need to bridge the gap. And that means standing out on our own, out of our boxes under scrutiny, exposed to criticism. That takes a bit of courage and a bit of responsibilty. The blame game is well and truly over.