TED Community » Frank Clayton

More About Me

I'm passionate about

I am passionate about positive psychology - a.k.a. - Happiness! On the flip side, I am also passionate about suicide prevention. I am spreading Happiness in hope of reducing suicide.

An idea worth spreading

'Want world peace? Don't try to change other people, start with yourself. Happiness spreads in the same pattern as a virus. Science has shown the when one person becomes Happier, they have the potential to "infect" up to 1,000 people. So, work toward becoming genuinely happier and let the Happiness spread naturally.

Talk to me about

Positive psychology and Happiness

My TED Story

Ted videos are a mandatory part of my Happiness 101 class, including: Dan Gilbert's "Our Mistaken Expectations" and "Why We Are Happy", Barry Schwartz's "The Paradox of Choice", Sheena Lyengar's "The Art of Choosing", Malcolm Gladwell's "Spaghetti Sauce", Shawn Achor's “The Happy Secret To Better Work" and Aimee Mullins' “The Opportunity of Adversity. These videos help students to quickly jack into the science behind the smile.

Comments

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• A reply on Conversation: Why is it socially acceptable to complain but not talk up successes?

  Jul 12 2012: Hi Colleen. Thanks for your well thought out comments. I really like what you said about sympathy. I have found that some people confuse sympathy with love and will victimize themselves in an attempt to glean sympathy. I often tell these clients that I do not feel sorry for them, for to do so would be to agree with them that they are victims and incapable of a better life. It is more love than tough from my perspective because I see each person as whole and complete and that it is merely my job to help them remember who they really are. Thanks again for your comment.

• A reply on Conversation: Why is it socially acceptable to complain but not talk up successes?

  Jul 12 2012: Thanks for your comments Kanisk. I think your throwing around some pretty broad generalities. To say that these reactions are "innate", for instance. Perhaps this might be closer to true in competitive societies, I doubt that it is true in collaborative societies because their entire societal expectation is different. However I must admit that this too is an opinion. Do you have anything to back up your comments?
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  A comment on Talk: Jane McGonigal: The game that can give you 10 extra years of life

  Jul 9 2012: First just a comment about what you said about games connecting people. In 2007 my a very dear friend of mine took her own life. Yesterday I spoke to her sister for an hour. She tearfully said that one of the things she misses the most was just playing checkers online together. She said it seemed to erase the miles between them, helped them to feel closer and gave them an excuse to connect.
  
  Jane! You are truly amazing. Thank you for using positive psychology to make the world a better place in your own special way. It just so happens that I am hosting a Happiness Social tonight (as I do every month) and at this particular social, I was planning to have the participants play games! A twist in the game is for each person to share something positive about themselves or share a success story before their turn. After watching your video, I decided to show your Ted talk to everyone before we begin.
  
  My wife, who is a teacher at a college, was so moved by your video that she got tears in her eyes and said she is going to begin each of her classes with this video. She is posting about it on Facebook right this moment.
  
  Thank you again for making the world a Happier place.
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  A reply on Conversation: The importance of anger.

  Jul 9 2012: I respectfully disagree with your comment that "anger is a lack of control". In my opinion anger is a natural emotion. Rather than "shoulding" on this emotion, I believe we should listen to it and attempt to understand where it derives from that we may better understand ourselves. I understand what you mean when you say that it is difficult to watch a scene in which someone is expressing anger. I can also tell you that as a therapist I have had many people end up on my couch because they did not acknowledge their true feelings - especially men. I have heard it said that anger is depression turned inward. I have found that removing the shame from anger and allowing a person to express it in a healthy manner frees them of guilt, allows them to recognize and deal with the real issue and ultimately helps them themselves wholly.

• A comment on Conversation: The real reason why success is so desirable and why it is so much effort.

  Jul 8 2012: Thanks for the question, Dania. I agree with you that success is fleeting and I think that people chase after it with such fervor because they do believe that it will make them Happy but find that they are not and set another goal in hopes that achieving this new goal with make them Happy. The punchline is that it does not work - due to a phenomenon called hedonic adaptation - which is just a very educated way of saying "we get used to it". Even the effect of the greatest achievements wears off. A Happiness boost can be enjoyed by reaching our goals but the trick is to not hang our hope of Happiness on the success but to enjoy the journey along the way as much as we enjoy the achievement itself.

• A comment on Conversation: Neil Pasricha: What do you do to make your life awesome? Extended until 2016*

  Jul 8 2012: I make my life more awesome by sculpting it that way. My job is my calling and I know I make a big difference every day in helping to heal pain and bring hope and happiness where there was little or none before. I am also giving to the community by teaching a free class on the basics of positive psychology. In my "spare time", I connect with friends often and spend quality time with my wife. I play a lot and treat myself very well. I have also found ways to take much of the sting out of the things I don't like to do (by adding music, audio books or rewards). Recently I found a way to do "paperwork" via audio, so I am free to walk (exercise) in the sunshine (providing vitamin D) and even do my part to keep the environment clean as I do so. Near my office is a relatively small patch of grass but I love to walk barefoot there while I am "working". Giving myself things to look forward to is a mandatory part of my Happiness diet. My life is truly awesome and I freely share that with others through Facebook and other forms of social media. I continue to be mindful of parts of my life that detract from my Happiness and either eliminate it or make a shift somehow to make it more pleasurable. Thank you, Neil for the opportunity to share.
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  A comment on Conversation: Why aren't there playgrounds for adults?

  Jul 8 2012: I am all for having letting the inner child out to play. I noticed the the adults in the video you attached of the adult McDonald's playground seemed to have no problem getting in touch with that part of them. I love the idea of a playground for adults! I know there are a few indoor playgrounds that can be rented for blocks of time. I think a big part of it is creating a safe atmosphere to come out and play.