Andrew Smith

Los Angeles, CA, United States

Someone is shy

Andrew hasn't completed a profile. Should we look for some other people?

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Andrew Smith
Posted about 3 years ago
Can one only fall in love once?
Love is a feeling. Falling in love, being in love, staying in love (a relationship) -- these are actions. For me, it's kindness extended to someone, and receiving kindness from them. Not as a transaction, but because, when you begin to love someone, you honestly care what they think of you. You want to make them happy. In a healthy relationship, these feelings are mutual. You can remain in a relationship with someone who doesn't care spit about you, or even someone who doesn't care spit about themselves, but you will begin to feel bad, what psychologists call "low self-esteem." What you are feeling is that your love is worthless. That person doesn't value it. And as a reflection, you feel therefore that you are worthless. You may fall in love many times. You may fall in love, try to stay with that person -- "keep the love alive" -- but not be able to. You may want different things. You cannot perform the ACTIONS of someone who loves if you yourself are miserable or unhappy. It's exhausting. And short-lived. One of the problems of relationships is inherent in your question -- what expectations for love we bring with us. "Is love a one-time thing?" "Is s/he the One?" You bring with you all your culture, everything your family and friends have told you, every story you've read or watched on TV or at the movies. Try not to do that. Try to focus on what you WANT, what the other person WANTS, and whether you are able and willing to try to give those things to one another. Love is a decision you make every day. "I like being with this person. This person makes me feel good about myself. And I make him/her feel good about him/herself, and that I'm able to do that makes ME feel good, too." Good luck.