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How do you deal with introvert vs. extrovert tensions?
When I was president of my fraternity in college, I noticed a lot of tension between myself and some of the extroverts in leadership positions. They often felt that I wasn't moving fast enough, or that I couldn't make decisions effectively. As an introvert, how do you convey to people that you need time and space to make effective decisions? As an extrovert, how do you work with people that you feel aren't deciding things quickly enough? Are there other things that make you feel tension between introverts and extroverts?
Topics:
Extrovert decision group work introvert leadership
Andy Bettisworth
To: 'the extrovert'
Differentiate the competent and incompetent introvert, spending no time listening to the latter.
To: 'the introvert'
Your negative bias towards the leadership role stems from a failure within current cultural context to highlight your strengths; and their are many which prepare you for a place of authority. Hone your internal processes/mechanisms to offer you snap decisions. Lose the obligation to justify/share in the specifics; rely more on being right and offering review in lieu of your team's success carrying out said orders. It was the synergistic ability of snap unquestioning decision making and being right consecutively that landed me the majority of the project manager roles throughout my College years. Roles either group appointed or thrust upon me and not sought; the key was (aside from being consistently right and decisive) showing compassion to the extrovert's method of madness.
WARNING: understand that through the loss of 'sharing' the decision making process you too lose the feeling of shared failure. The introvert will be more likely castigated for failure to execute than an extrovert. Case in point? Look to the story of how Steve Jobs got fired from his own company; an introverted leader himself.
Andy Bettisworth
The rate decisions are made, in my own experience, has had no correlation with the distinction between introvert or extrovert; contending only with competency of the individual. The introverted face such bias of decision making 'lag' in lieu of their judgment making process, which makes incompetency all the more painstakingly obvious than with extroverts. The incompetent introvert when faced with a challenge beyond their scope reflexively pause, seeking the internal mechanisms which they find comfort in. On the flip side, the extrovert when faced with a challenge beyond their scope reflexively seek out others' opinions, which has the potential to be perceived as a form of decisiveness/competency amongst peers.
"The most comfortable place for an introvert is not as a leader"
Heather White
This notion that extroverts are more 'comfortable' within a leadership role than an equally competent introvert highlights only the cultural bias to place extroverts in said roles. Familiarity begets comfort and only through repeated interactions is this achievable. So, here is the call to action to introverts everywhere; you have a voice - speak.
The distinctions between these two leadership styles was just not made in my western studies on organizations. Until we recognize, highlight, and integrate these two polar styles synergistically - our organizations everywhere will be the poorer.
Robert Winner 50+
James Williamson
tishe Hires 10+
Fritzie Reisner 100+
subramanyam P
My son used ask me " I need space - give me time to decide" - It is not space, in fact you need some one close to you to certify that your idea or decision is good. For extroverts - no support is needed because they don't bother about consequences. The best thing is -- look around, select a good friend - particularly whose wave lengths matches with yours.. whether male or female - no issues - discuss everything except this extro or intro issues. When I was in late 30s an young lady ( colleague) met me and we became friends, close friends. Whatever I speak - she used to encourage me, praise me, ask me doubts, give me such a kind of support - I learned computer without going to any institute and trained all the office staff. So you need some one, some one on whom you can have good confidence.
subramanyam P
" How long, Dad?"
Wait till I finish my discussion with my client -
Oh You are busy with office work?
Yes, can you hold your resignation till I finish?
Oh! Dad, I can wait till evening .. Take care of your client.
That was how I used to handle her.
By the time she comes home and I reached home expecting and preparing myself about handling her, she was on the mobile talking to many people and then say hello to me and go to bed.
Introverts - my son
I start watching the TV and he comes there and start watching...
For an hour nothing happens - both are seriously busy in watching the TV.
" I don't understand why people are celebrating these festivals? he will say.
Yes.. ( that's all)
Silence ...
Dad - do you ever participate in every function in your office - every function??
" What is function? and why they should celebrate functions? I ask
"That is my question "- he gets encouragement.
The functions are invented to bring all kinds of people on a same level playing ground.
What do you mean? - his doubt.
As you know all people are not made with fixed measure of knowledge, intelligence, wisdom etc. There are always difference in degrees of these capacities or wisdom etc., So, some people talk too much, few people only listen, many people fake and certain people do have ideas but may not be in a position to express...So these meetings will enable them to bring with par with other people. "
This way, I size the people, for extroverts immediate NO is danger, accept and agree with them and postpone it and then handle them. Introverts - best thing is discuss the subject deeply and then advise them.
Linda Taylor 50+
I have been working hard on this leadership thing for several years. I finally gave in and decided I had better do something about it. One of the things that helps is to do a measurement like the Meyers Briggs and have fun discussions about it with the your work group. A lot of understanding can happen in those discussions and as long as it is done in a spirit of respect, respect will follow. The other insight is that you learn to leverage and spotlight everyone's talents and give them the opportunity to develop in areas they want to and sometimes in areas they don't want to with opportunity, encouragement, and support.
I HATE public speaking. So of course, life took me to a place where that is a big part of my work. My work group now knows and understands this and supports when I have to go out and do this. And the extroverts at the table have a better understanding of the need to reign it in sometimes and are not offended if the group needs them to. I like to think about decisions too but I have really worked on my flexibility and being able to drop and run with a critical decision. But I also communicate about the non-critical decisions, I'll get back to you by 3 pm.
The other thing that is helpful if some are not as quick to comprehend is to just make a rule. Something like: If the office door is closed, enter only if the building is on fire. But you have to be real careful to not close your door all the time. Only when you really need it.
The last suggestion I have is to really leverage silence especially in meetings. If you do it right people think you're really smart.
Stuart Woods 10+
Linda Taylor 50+
I truly admire the extroverts and their ability to just walk up to someone and talk to them. That is so difficult for me. I work on it but I would rather have dental work.
But how a person leads is very important too. In my mind we are always a group and everyone contributes their strengths. I am finding with clear expectations and mentorship the biggest decisions I need to make lately are what time to break for lunch. Its getting close to the time for me to leave again...
Michael Ullinger
Linda Taylor 50+
jeffrey morgan
Michael Ullinger
Martha Love
Ben Crause
At the moment I am in a leadership position myself. Supervisor in a 10 man department. My boss is very great, a good leader and always supporting me and helping me to learn and grow.
He does realize and accept that I am an introvert. This is a two edged sword.
On the one hand it describes my strength. I am an expert in my field and receive acknowledgement beyond my department for it.
However, the people in my department expressed towards my boss they would wish I would become a bit more open to them. Approaching them more often, Small talk and so.
Yes, I do sit in my corner and often feel sage there but I don't intend to hide there. We have an open office (no walls, just small table separators).
The introvert I am says: I hate small talk. I will approach my people when they express they need me or when I feel I should help them. I don't want to bother them with silly stuff or waste their time. They're all great and commited to quality work. They do not need me often.
The learning and young supervisor in me says: You do need to show your team members that you care for them. Take note of them more frequently. Show them you acknowledge them.
And now more towards your actual question: The problem is you can teach neither of these.
You cannot change an introvert into an extrovert and vice versa. You cannot change yourself (too much) either.
Now what to do? I for one believe in the way of saying nurture your strengths and aceept your weak spots.
If someone complains that you take too long to make decisions that person is either addressing the wrong person, putting you in the wrong field or not giving you the tasks that correspond to your strengths.
It all depends on what you wish for in your job. Whatever you want: Communicate this with your boss.
If I need a quick decision I will address those people I know who can do so. I too must address the strengths of my team members.
I hope this is of help to you.
Heather White 10+
Eric Stangland
I think a key distinction between introverts and extroverts is energy. What energizes you and what drains you? Introverts are energized by being alone with their thoughts, while this sounds like punishment to an extrovert! Extroverts are energized by being around people, while too much time spent with people drains an introvert. As a leader, there are some tasks that energize you and others that drain you. The key is to find balance, and when able delegate some of the tasks that drain you to someone who may be energized by those tasks. I've found that many of may tasks drain me, so I make sure that, in my personal time away from work I plan time for activities that energize me so I don't burn out. Hope this is helpful!
Fritzie Reisner 100+
Rob Brown 10+
"slower" is often better, when it comes to thought...
Linda Taylor 50+
Anne Dagen 10+
You're focused on doing things the way that feels right for you. The extroverts are focused on the way that feels right for them. People are like that, whether extrovert or introvert. The ones that get consistent results are the ones who can compromise and negotiate.
Michael Ullinger