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Sunny Qureshi

CEO, IQ Training & Consultancy

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Can we get "Unconditional Love" from people not related? (other than siblings, parents or wife)

I was wondering why dont we get unconditional love from people not related. Siblings or parents are in fact spiritually connected while friends and acquaintances will love you for ECONOMICAL or Conditional reasons even in the most advanced nations, why is that?? Or Is it sometimes the opposite?


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    Mar 6 2012: I agree with your observation, Collen. The example I have given is misleading. I have not made the underlying principle apparent. I will elucidate on it.
    Imagine yourself in a situation where your partner asks you a certain amount of money as a loan. From your earlier experience, you doubt that your partner has no intention of giving it back to you ever. You are also aware that your vulnerability in such situations always worked negatively to yourself. Irrespective of this, you extend your help. The result is you feel cheated.
    As most people do, you later overcome this ill feeling with positive effort.
    Instead of that I suggest that you accept your vulnerability at that moment. Accept that, you have just been cheated. You accept that you are vulnerable. It is a quality that was in built in you by nature. That quality irrespective of being defective was your inheritance. In that seeing and with that acceptance, you stop condemning. You are not ashamed of it anymore as it is the truth and you are being honest. I assure you that “at that moment”, you will experience a joy. You will experience unconditional love to yourself. Anyone in relationship with you will become acceptable to you as you have stopped judging. You see dishonesty of your partner as his trait as what he has been given by nature.
    You are at peace. The conflict, the ill feeling, has disappeared. You have begun your journey in accepting all reality surrounding your life as they are and not as they are expected to be. You will begin to respond to situations rather than react to them..
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      Mar 6 2012: Dear CK,
      If I learned from past experiences that my partner was not dependable in a certin way, I would not expect anything different from him/her. If I am aware of a certain behavior, and realize that I feel vulnerable by participating in that endeaver, I would not participate.

      To me, that is exactly what the life journey is all about...learning as we move through the challenges. We cannot continue the same behaviors/responses/actions and reactions and expect different results. I agree that vulnerability is a natural quality which we can accept. I do not believe that it is necessary to stay in a continually vulnerable state to be unconditionally loving.

      I will not condemn anyone for cheating me, nor will I continue to participate in a relationship of that kind. The ability to learn is also a natural state of being. To me, being honest, means addressing the situation at hand, and being clear about what we will and will not accept.

      CK, I am unconditionally loving with myself, which is why I can be unconditionally loving with everyone. I also know what boundaries I choose for myself, and I am clear with myself, which allows me to respect and accept that in others as well:>)
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        Mar 6 2012: great again
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          Mar 7 2012: Thank you Sunny for your appreciation; however, I think that I have not been able to covey the full depth of the subject matter to other participants
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          Mar 7 2012: Thank you Sunny:>)

          CK...perhaps it is to be conveyed to you?
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      Mar 6 2012: This reminds me of a dear friend of mine. She is elderly. She is very vulnerable to those asking for help. Many times she will drive complete strangers home.

      I try to gently and tactfully help her see the danger is this. She always replies with a smile and says, I just cannot help it, it is the way I am. They seemed honest and sincere in their need, I just couldn't say no.

      There is an innocence about her. She sees the good in things always, and is at peace with this vulnerable part of her personality.

      It is quite remarkable to observe her in action.........your comment made me think of this.

      I think all of us have something of value to share with others, something we have "inherited" as you mention, may it sometimes include our vulnerabiity?

      This is fascinating.
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        Mar 6 2012: Mary,
        One thing that happens, when one is unconditionally loving, is that we can feel on many different levels. It actually opens the channels to recieve information on many more levels. Your friend may be secure in the choices she makes because of her awareness on different levels. We all have intuition and instinct, which many times we do not pay attention to. Unconditional love (acceptance, respect, compassion, empathy) allows us to open all channels to feeling and thinking, rather than having our world colored by allowing only certain information in our mind and heart.

        I have also put myself in circumstances that may not be recommended, because I "knew" in my heart that I was safe. Hopefully, your friend will continute to be safe as well Mary:>)
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          Mar 6 2012: Yes Colleen, I trust that she will be safe also.

          And like you, I also have put myself in situations that no other human around me
          dares to venture into. I just have this feeling that I can do it.

          Thank you Colleen for your reply.
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        Mar 6 2012: So Mary, perhaps when we are clear in ourselves and embrace unconditional love, there is no longer the feeling of vulnerability? That is what I experience in my own life:>)
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          Mar 6 2012: Yes Colleen, I think you are right.

          I understand your point of view perfectly. Once we know who we are, and also what we stand for, we can love others freely.......unconditionally, and we do not feel vulnerable.

          We no longer feel vulnerable because we are in "control" of what we do.

          I think if we have reached that level of insight, then we certainly can see when others are trying to manipulate us and take advantage of us.

          And we are able to lovingly and kindly express to them how we feel indirectly.....the person who is trying to take advantage of us should be able to see, that while we are loving and kind, we are no dummies...we are not vulnerable.

          I am not sure if I went too far in my explanation..............but I truly think loving people are sometimes viewed as "weak" and "vulnerable"...........it is not always the case.

          We are acting without interest......we are loving unconditionally.........that doesn't mean that we can be taken advantage of. These are two different things....do you understand what I am trying to say.............it is sometimes hard to explain things on line.

          We choose to love, because it is the best way of living. Don't you think so Colleen?
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        Mar 6 2012: Mary,
        I think/feel your explanation is GREAT!!! Yes, we choose to love unconditionally because it is more joyful and pleasurable than the alternative...in my humble perception. When we make that choice, I totally agree, that it frees us and those around us from feeling vulnerable:>)
        Well said Mary:>)
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          Mar 6 2012: The reply button is giving me headaches......so if this is doubled I will come back and erase.

          * * * * * * * * *

          Aaah, it's nice to be understood.

          Happy Tuesday!!
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        Mar 6 2012: Dear Mary,
        Dealing with the reply button is a good way to practice unconditional love and acceptance!!! LOL:>)

        Well, I made a joke, AND I'm also serious:>) If we practice acceptance of those things we cannot change on a simple, easy level, it starts to build our strength and confidence for other acceptance. I know you know this, I'm simply reminding you...so have a little fun and laughter with the reply button:>) Lavender oil, applied to the temples sometimes helps headaches. Feverfew tea is also good:>)
        Love you Mary, and Happy Tuesday to you:>)
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      Mar 6 2012: Brilliant CK

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