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Sunny Qureshi

CEO, IQ Training & Consultancy

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Can we get "Unconditional Love" from people not related? (other than siblings, parents or wife)

I was wondering why dont we get unconditional love from people not related. Siblings or parents are in fact spiritually connected while friends and acquaintances will love you for ECONOMICAL or Conditional reasons even in the most advanced nations, why is that?? Or Is it sometimes the opposite?


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    Mar 5 2012: Continued reply to Ms. Linda Taylor ~~~~~~~
    To experience unconditional love we must first love ourselves. This is a prerequisite for love in all relationships and Ms. Colleen Steen has effectively explained this aspect. To love us, we must first accept ourselves. We must accept us with all our abilities and disabilities; accept our beauty and ugliness; accept our jealousy, greed, perverseness, fear and every other thing we have been pushing under the carpet of our mind. Once we learn to ‘love’ most other difficulties we have been facing will disappear by themselves. We can make a beginning to find the source deep down in each one of us, the gate to the eternal love that can never be blemished by any condition that is happening in the mind or the world outside.
    Unconditional love can happen only in us and not in the other persons involved. There is also no need for it as once we are unconditionally loving, the actions or responses of others are irrelevant to us.

    This is a response to all your comments. It is still only an introduction to unconditional love so that from now we may continue to discuss in agreement with Colleen and others.

    With love and respects to you.
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      Mar 5 2012: As you insightfully reinforce CK, loving ourselves unconditionally is a prerequisite for love in all relationships. We are often taught that love of ourselves is selfish. We've sometimes been taught that to give to others is noble, holy, and the prefered way to "be" in our world.

      To truly experience a deep level of unconditional love, it is important to accept ourselves...beauty, ugliness, jealousy, greed, perverseness, abilities, disabilities,fear, joy, and every other "part" of us. To discover ourselves "deep down", as you say, is on the path to unconditional love.

      Accepting ourselves does not mean that we automatically accept all behaviors. It means that in knowing ourselves, we have the opportunity to keep those feelings, thoughts, ideas, opinions and behaviors that we choose to keep, and let go of that which is not beneficial to ourselves and/or the whole.

      I agree CK that once we know ourselves on the level you speak of, the actions or responses of others are irrelevant to us.
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        Mar 5 2012: Thank you, Colleen. The “level at which I speak’ may appear impractical. I spoke about such a level because unconditional love is difficult to practice. However, it is decidedly much possible for anyone to live in a relaxed and satisfying manner irrespective of indifferent or uncaring partners and friends. Acceptance is one of the helpful prctices.

        What I mean by accepting the bad and ugly in ourselves is to acknowledge that, yes, it is there in ourselves. At that point, no further action is needed such as deciding to keep the good and hoping to throw out the rest. As an example, imagine a lady who has a habit of overspending whenever she goes for shopping, and later lying to her husband to hide the extra expense. In practice, I am outlining she is expected to accept that she has such a bad trait. Once she does that she may surprisingly find herself capable of accepting the habit of her husband lying about the exact number of drinks he has had. More and more acceptance will lead to more and more unconditional acceptance.

        A lady had commented about the pain in being treated as a door mat. In my opinion that could be avoided if she also accepts that she is doing nothing to prevent such abuse. Her own inaction is augmenting the unjust treatment given to herself.

        I appreciate your observations and comments.

        My repects and love to you.
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          Mar 5 2012: CK,
          So, you are suggesting that "unconditional acceptance" is much like compromise?

          Re: The door mat scenario:
          I agree that we often accept behaviors when we "do nothing to prevent such abuse". Our own inaction enables the behavior to continue.

          Thinking about your examples, reminds me that it is good to compromise and be unconditionally accepting until/unless that acceptance causes us to feel less accepting of ourselves? If our unconditional acceptance is imbalanced in a relationship, then it is not mutually unconditionally loving. That is why I feel it is important to know ourselves and know exactly what we will accept, and not accept.

          I appreciate, respect and love you too:>)
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        Mar 6 2012: just beautiful colleen

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