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When should you , if at all tell a work colleague, he an Aspie?
Excuse the grabbing questrion I dont mean to be so blunt. I have worked with a colleague for some seven years. I had always known him to act strangely (strange for me anyway) but always accepted and worked around his peculiarites. I need to add that i wish only to act in his best interests. I value him as a team member and would never look to lose him from the team. There has been an occassion where , I believe, he may have unwittingly put a client at risk because of his condition and his behaviour does at times come across as rude, though I'm sure this outcome is often not intended. I am reading Attwood to garner as much knowledge as i can and to seek ways of moving forward. But I am left with still the unenviable possibility of having to broach the subject with him,. He's 48, lives at home with parents and just recently told me he had never heard of the word Aspergers when it came up innocently during a conversation. I have read that a diagnosis should be sought only when the dysfunction may intolerably affect relationships and work security. I know he has lost sexual relationships because of his syndrome and I have this feeling that letting him know would benefit staff in supporting him and for him to be more open to such. I have a feeling it might free him from the disguise and the sometimes elaborate and tiresome intellectualising he engages in to be seen as typical. In an often social setting at work I see and feel some of his pain, anxiety and coping. I felt if it was out everyone would feel better and most importantly, that he would. Apparently some feel liberated but the odd few can react poorly and become depressed. Help!! Thoughts Advice please. Particularly if you're an Aspie.
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Krisztián Pintér 200+
second, i don't exactly believe in such blunt categories. unless somebody shows me the exact gene or biochemical/neurological disfunction behind aspergers, i refuse to treat it anyhow differently than an artificial categorization of social inaptness. we don't have a name for people that are bad at recognizing flavors, we don't need a word for those that read emotions and social situations badly. certainly, he has specific problems that need specific solutions. putting him in a box won't help.
third, you don't need to treat him special. if you have an advise to him, tell him. if he is hurt by honest words, it is his problem. your job is to behave responsively and with good intentions. if he has aspergers, and not something very different, he reacts well to reason. on the other hand, he might react not so well to "handling". don't handle. be straight. beware though, because he can be something else, like simply sociophobic, or whatever. one can never know.
if you want to be cautious though, try to recommend, maybe not to him, but in a "broadcasted" form, some "pop" materials dealing with stuff, like temple grandin's TED talk, or the feature film about her life. grandin's TED talk even fits to a "team building" setup.
Phillip McKay
Krisztián Pintér 200+
okay, srsly. why do you think that calling someone an aspie is criticism? make it sound not like criticism. i hope you don't think that being and aspie is something to disdain. you would not have this problem if you suspected him being color blind.
anyway. if you get rid of that "how can i help this poor guy out of his misery" attitude, he might take things much better.
Phillip McKay
Krisztián Pintér 200+
i will not ruin the game! use your "20 years experience working in mental health and reading psychology texts" to find it out!
btw, how weird it would be from me to say i'm an aspie after i declared that i don't believe in such categories. i'm a follower of a lesser known psychologist Andrew Feldmár, who even rejects the notion of schizophrenia, depression and other blunt labels, and calls for focusing the actual problems of a certain individual.
one of my favorite advises of him is this: for no mental condition it is helpful to allow the person to act irresponsibly or rudely or anyhow inappropriately. empathy is good, but we can't just let some people get away with inappropriate behavior because they are labeled X or Y.
ah, btw, your deadline of watching the grandin talk is tuesday midnight. i dare you to miss it.