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How do you overcome fear?
What are some tips, tricks, processes that you employ to help you overcome fears?
Topics:
fear motivation
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Niaz Uddin Sohel
This is a related conversation all of you may love to write here: http://www.ted.com/conversations/9731/what_is_your_motivation.html
Tina Moore
I grew up with many fears and those fears were fostered by the people around me...but what I'm understanding on a deeper level is that fear is learned and instinct is what you are born with.
I will give you an example....I am terrified of heights...and yet I managed to bungee jump twice! I went through that terrifying process to manage my anxiety and because the little quiet voice inside me said, "It's ok...you'll be fine...you may even like it!" Now, the fear...it raged...it screamed and yelled and raised my anxiety to an almost 10/10...but I'd remind myself that I made the decision when I could hear my INSTINCT....and I TRUST MY INSTINCT....so that is why I was able to jump...
If you are fearful of starting a business...that is completely understandable...but find your instinct (I hear it best when I jog) and really listen to what it says....it will be quiet, calm and peaceful...it won't be loud, screaming, anxious and chaotic...it won't think of every possible negative scenario that 'could' go wrong....it will simply give you the TRUTH.
It's main purpose is to protect you...I firmly believe this.
Fear has govenerned most of my life...but when I finally found the connection to SELF...INSTINCT... I can now recognize it for what it is, acknowledge it, understand it, process it and then let it go.
It's not easy...but it is possible...
Hope that is helpful!
With a smile,
Tina
PS. If you are interested ,I talk a lot about fear on my blog. www.the40by40.com Just search 'fear' or 'overcoming fear' or 'trusting my instinct' (I also have photos of both bungee jumping experiences)
Heather White 10+
Colleen Steen 500+
When I started performing on stage professionally, I used to get wicked stage fright to the point of becoming physically ill. Once I was on stage and in character, it was totally gone, but before the performance started, it was horrible!
A wonderful director advised me that fear/stage fright was simply an energy moving through the body, and with different thoughts, we could transform the energy into something more positive. So, rather than thinking I was going to make a mistake...forget my lines...songs...blocking...etc., which was taking me into stage fright/fear, I started changing my thoughts to..."I can't wait to get out there and do what we've been rehearsing...I'm ready...prepared...and I will do the best I can with enthusiasm. It only took a couple times of changing my thinking before the stage fright disappeared, and was replaced with excited enthusiasm. Thanks for reminding me of this wonderful lesson from years ago:>)
David Barnett 20+
I also try and make sure that I don't have enough time to get scared. If I have to do something horrible, I do it immediately, volunteering if necessary, so that I can't dwell on it. Anticipation of something bad causes more suffering than the thing itself.
Stuart Woods 10+
Michael M 30+
Colleen Steen 500+
You say..."this primal instinct has evolved way beyond its basic purpose..."
I agree with you that fear has a purpose. Has it "evolved way beyond its basic purpose"? Or have we sometimes given it a power beyond its basic purpose?
Michael M 30+
Some days it is just to put my pants on and do the job necessary to not be afraid. There is something to be said about working hard.
In situations where I felt real fear, (even physical), doing the job seems to help.
My current fear, albeit unnamed here, drives me seek some comfortable ledge from which to survey the situation.
I like the responses, about thinking about what is the worst thing that could happen....unless it actually does.
EDIT: Let me add, that at least for the moment, the worst case scenario has not happened.
Jim Doan
I'm going to answer your question based on the example you gave.
I feel that it is perfectly natural to feel fear when you want to open up your own business and have doubts about you being successful or not. When opening up a business we are taking a risk, we are putting a lot of money into a business and hope we get more than what we had originally put in. Life is about taking risks, if we don't seize the opportunities that life brings to us why live at all? We see many people gamble money on sports teams and cards and nonsense but you have the opportunity to invest money into yourself and your own abilities, I say what better odds than putting money on yourself to succeed. If you truly believe in the product your selling and your capabilities as an entrepreneur then I believe you should do well.
Christopher Keeley
Facing it can be a gradual process slowly building confidence until you can accept it as part of who you are.
Once accepted the fear fades and your perception adjusts.
Robert Džudžar
Samit S
Rohit Garg
I believe, if I can gather enough confidence to prove myself wrong, I have overcome the fear.
Fear, infact, stops us from even trying! So, I always believe, the best way to overcome fear is to convince your own self that you can do it!
Some tools which always come handy while trying to overcome fear in may case, is the SWOT analysis, I pen down my strengths, my weaknesses, opportunities available to me and the threats behind and then I try to prove to myself that my strengths are much more in weight than my weaknesses and I have many opportunities and very less threats, so why not go for it!
Hope this makes some sense! It actually works for me :)
Rhona Pavis 50+
Colleen Steen 500+
(David Brendan Hopes - A sense of the Morning - Nature Through New Eyes)
Frederico Krejici
Even in bussiness, or in your personal live, fear will petrify you, leaving you in the same place you started, or worse.
The best thing a human being should savior, is the feeling " to overcome fear.." once you get used to it, nothing shall hold you back.
So resuming in a simple and plain way.
You overcome fear, thinking what is real important to you, and what´s at steak.
Maranda Marvin
In my experience, most people that experience this level of fear must first recognize it as something that is not apart of them. It is something that is able to be shed off with assistance. Then they must seek out assistance, in whatever form works for them (e.g. mindfulness techniques, therapy, coaching, seeking more knowledge about the specific area they are desiring to "conquer", etc.). I have worked with many people that see "mountains" before them, but every single one of them that sought after assistance reached the top of those mountains. It is not always easy, actually most of the time, it isn't easy, but on the other side they are stronger and more knowledgeable. Which, in turn, causes that them to be able to assist someone else they encounter (in the future) over his or her mountain. THAT is the true story of man's existence! All the other stories out there are simply fiction.
Monika Kozłowska
I think that the most dengerous are fears that we, in some ways, hide from ourselves, we act as if they don't exist. If I see the mountains (I like that name in your story) I know what I fight with and the other person also see what is the problem. And what if I don't see that the mountains stand right in front of me?.
Coming back to the main question. Example: If you want to start selling you paintings then you fear that no one will buy them and that the paintings are not good enough to sell them. Then you ask your best friend for advice, then ask other friends, your family, show your paintings to a stranger - can be a friend of your friend. I think that this way your selfconfidence grows. You need as much feedback as it's possible. Then your fear melts constantly. You begin to believe that your paintings are worth selling :)
It is also helpful when you get to know something well before you start doing it. When you do, it's esier to cope with that and it begins to be friendly and not so scary.
You can also tell yourself at the begginig: "What will happen if I don't succeed. Nothing!!! I will try doing something else".
Maranda Marvin
I have seen women that have lost their babies in freak car accidents have more children, women that have lost their legs in car accidents stand before gymnasiums of people and talk about "being all you can be even when your legs are missing", I know a woman that watched her father get shot in the face with a gun and now she is a leading a group of citizens to fight against gang crime, while I was pregnant I met a woman from Palestine that watched her family get mutilated, one by one and now she is a spokeswoman for crimes against humanity...I could go on and on. My point is that there are many things in this world that can deposit fear into us, but each of us have within us the ability to overcome that fear. That of course, is easier said than done when the moment of FEAR strikes, but it can be done.
The unexpected fear you speak about is what can make this life crazy. A wise man once told me that fear was at the root of all the social ills we see around the world. I questioned him in immaturity, thinking it was more laziness than fear, but now I believe him to be completely right.
Monika Kozłowska
I believe that we are equipped with a certain defence mechnism in order to overcome our fears.Otherwise, we would probably die. And yes, people die because of fears, they commite suicides.
Maranda Marvin
Shannon Downey 500+
Bree Dekker
I am learning to embrace fear, as someone said above. Fear is a powerful tool, if we use it right. If I look at where my fear is coming from I often discover a lot about myself and why I do things the way I do. Breaking out of the habitual rut of fear that I live in is what is empowering, to me. (:
Colleen Steen 500+
Fear can become a cycle, as you say...it can consume us...we get scared...have expectations...anxiety...more frightened...more anxiety...and the cycle continues.
Bree, you are SO insightful to be able to recognize fear as a powerful tool...understanding it, and discovering about ourselves...breaking out of the habitual rut of fear.....is empowering.....!!!
So wonderfully well said!!!
Raya Gh
Maranda Marvin
Fritzie Reisner 100+
Colleen Steen 500+
Fear gives us information, so I see no reason to try to "overcome" fears, and in fact, I embrace fear, which offers an opportunity to learn and grow. I believe emotions/feelings/reactions are meant to flow through us, and offer information from which we can learn.
Fear, only becomes a challenge when we hold onto it, focus on it, and allow it to disable us. When this happens, we fight against the fear...struggle with it, and resist. With these reactions (fight, struggle, resistance) we actually give fear the energy to exist. Whereas, if we spend our time and energy getting to know fear, and how it truly works, it provides information.
I like to use one core belief of Martial Arts as an example: Come from the core with strength and yield. You might recognize the logic to this? We can struggle, fight and resist an opponent, using a lot of energy...perhaps for nothing. Or we can come from a place of balance and strength and take care of the issue. It is the same with fear and other emotions...we can continually struggle, fight and resist...OR, we can understand the usefulness of the emotions, feelings, reactions, and move from a place of strength.
No "tricks" here, just simple choices to struggle/resist/fight...OR... go with the flow and learn, grow and evolve with the process:>)
Shannon Downey 500+
For Example, you want to start your own business but you are afraid you won't succeed so you don't do it.
Linda Taylor 50+
Fear is just a barrier. And as with any barrier, we can go over, under, around, or through. The only option that actually destroys the barrier is to go through. So if you want to conquer fear, you have to go through it. Or it comes back as a barrier.
Colleen Steen 500+
Mary M. 50+
A friend of mine loved interior design...her mom made her study business. She worked for the same company many years, until the company closed and she was out of a job. No other job that she ever
accepted lived up to her first employment out of college, so she stayed home to raise kids....all the time loving interior design, and helping her friends and family decorate or redecorate their homes.
She feared starting her own business. Well, her husband left her, and she had alot of time on her hands, so she started inviting herself to people's homes and redesigning their rooms for free. Then, as other visitors noticed the extreme makeovers, she started to get paying clients, and to make a long story short, she is now the proud owner of her own business......A little bit of effort and curiosity and initiative and encouraging friends and family is sometimes what helps us overcome our fears. Start small, a little bit at a time.
Hope I've helped you in some small way.Oh, and here is a quote that I've used with others:
"The only failure we should be afraid of, is the failure to try."
Be Well.
Michael M 30+
Mary M. 50+
Thank you for your reply Michael.
Mary
Anshul Mehta
Linda Taylor 50+
So why would you want to overcome it? So you could die?
Or are you talking about a phobia. Fear that is not based in reality. Please clarify.
Fritzie Reisner 100+
Truly, I think the best strategy may depend on what you are afraid of. It is different, I think, to be physically afraid than to be afraid of speaking to a large audience or entering your painting into a juried show.