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Ayesha Sayed

Student, UAEU

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Fear of success?

I recently read a quote that says: 'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure'
I've been experimenting with ideas, fear,risks and allowing myself to work out my ideas and I've had amazing success so far, but there's this nagging fear of these astonishing results. It's as if I'm afraid of succeeding! Has anyone ever felt this? Why are we so afraid of things working out FOR us? And how can we remedy this?

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    Feb 18 2012: I experiment/ed that...

    The deepest concern (not fear) became not looking too good...

    Few are the ones that welcome someone/something better or potentially better than them in doing something... specially if well intended.

    Generally, the world value the fake humbles, smart-asses, selfish, self centered, tricky. People tend to think they are not a thread to the well established equilibrium. (I know you in TED are not like that... but TEDsters are just few thousand). =)

    Then money, if you are good you get payed and if you are really good and get too well payed someone risks having less value than before you appeared and risks also not being payed and no one actually likes to make that extra effort to be worthy when before the effort wasn't needed...

    Then at an individually level, in general people need their ego's well filled and we all know how ego's are sensitive..

    Dreams and exceptions apart, sadly this is how things work in general...

    All summed up if you have success you will need to work not only to have it, to maintain it but also to convince other people you are a good asset instead of a threat...if you are lucky people eventually understand.

    As you may not know this by fact but you surely have seen it happen, you have that sub conscious feeling to avoid being successful... deep down you know you will get in a lot of trouble!

    Now the advice part: do not care about it! Go for it! Specially if you let your ego apart and do whatever you do with the best intentions, based on the most valuable values that there are!
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      Feb 19 2012: Hello João,
      Nice to see you again on TED, and I sincerely hope your new position is going well:>)

      I believe that before we can "convince other people you are a good asset instead of a threat" we need to convince OURSELVES that we are an asset rather than a threat. Before we can feel successful with others, we need to feel successful within ourselves:>)

      Good summary, and I LOVE your last comment...."Go for it... let your ego apart and do whatever you do with the best intentions, based on the most valuable values that there are!"
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        Feb 19 2012: Hi Colleen,

        Thank you for the kind words,

        In this new phase I am.... learning... a lot... lets say it like this.

        I have been around TED =) every other day, I have been checking the talks, fast reading comments from everyone but in particular people I have as reference in TED (you for instances).

        I have been and will be more in the position of reading and learn =)

        Kind regards
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      Feb 19 2012: Hi Joao!
      Thank you for those awesome words. I can kind of relate to what you're saying esp with the subconscious feeling that being successful might be trouble. Could you expand on the idea of the ego? Do you mean not caring about what it says/fears? And thanks for the advice!

      Love,
      A.
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        Feb 20 2012: Thank you for the kind words.

        Ego means the "I" ( usually stands in front of "We"/"Us").
        So in this case we are talking about, if you come to a place where your ideas, character, energy or presence will make people around to admire your work and to have you as a valuable asset to the group, most likely there will be some one in the group who will fill his/her ego affected, because once upon a time that was his/her role.

        This kind of people just need to realize that for the group (being group a team, a division, a department, a company, a society, a nation or world) their "I" can't compromise the "We".
        As the new comer should always understand that his "I" exists and is valuable as long as it is relevant and good for the "We".

        We can all be proud of our unique capacities but we can only be glistering when we realize how the group has benefited from them.
        We have to understand the dynamics and how things change naturally. Embrace other and grow as an all, learning with who is, who goes and who comes.

        A practical example: I am truly happy for you to have this topic, because I think you are investing time and gathering people interested in something I think is most important. Whereas if I was obsessed with my Ego, I would be either upset because I wasn't the one who open this topic or I would be opening a similar topic that would be MINE.
    • Feb 20 2012: Joao
      Very nice thoughts. I think several could have books written on them!

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