TED Conversations

Benny boy

This conversation is closed. Start a new conversation
or join one »

Male sexuality

The idea is, firstly that males have a sexuality, sexual energy and can experience sexual pleasure, the expansion of this idea is, continuous repression of sexuality, which feels like 'thats not okay, or, is inappropriate behavior or 'save it til your older;' can make young men feel insecure and shamed of something so natural.

continuous oppression of sexuality, usually believe it or not by older men, role models, big brothers, fathers, can feel like 'don't do that to women, you can't do that til your older like me, don't do it unless you plan on having a relationship and getting married, its abusive to women' can make young men feel like their sexuality may cause harm if they express it, when its doing more harm oppressing it, this can lead to sexual violence, sometimes rape in extreme cases, sexual domination, made to being feel like your 'gay' for not expressing it but 'wrong' if you do, much confusion and displeasurable experiences.

the fine line here is assertiveness and respect, sexual assertiveness, feeling attracted to a girl sexually and being able to act on those feelings in a positive and assertive manner can lead to sexual confidence, more pleasure, and a positive respect for male sexuality.

hiding these feelings and having to drink to feel comfortable enough to express them isn't healthy, theres usually a low level of intimacy with men around other men these days unless they've been friends for a while, anyway thats what i see, yet ive been in a place before and in friendships where ive felt comforable having sex with women around my friends and they didn't disrespect me for it, nor did i boast or brag about it to them afterwards, it was simply acknowledged and seen as acceptable, nor did they intrude or try to violate my under the cover privacy, she was even included in the group friendship. great place to be; love those guys.

now your thoughts ted, did this help anyone? has anyone else had similar experiences?

+1
Share:

Showing single comment thread. View the full conversation.

  • thumb
    Feb 7 2012: Sex and thus male - and female sexuality are, to me, reserved for a marriage relationship. It is a means to express actual love, not an elaborate way of shaking hands. Maybe it is not nice for many to hear, but to have sex for the sake of sex, I see as animal-like.

    The creation of gender is, I believe, based on our spiritual differences which again are based on God. These differences are complementary and not opposites, which is the reason we are attracted to each other and are different to the very cell of the body.

    That males are dropping off and out of everything much more than females do, according to Philip Zimbardo, is that the female spirit is generally much more connected and committed to life and connectivity. Thus more loving and so less likely to be criminal. I wonder what the criminal statistics are of the sexes. Maybe it is because I'm a man but I have always, as long as I remember, seen women as better than men. This is regardless of looks.
    For one thing they don't 'honour' kill.
    • thumb
      Feb 7 2012: ''honour' kill' may i direct your attention to the comment below,' Where you would be willing to die so they could live.'

      i don't see male as better than, female or female better than, male. we're just different, the matter of superiority and inferiority is simply a question of humility in my opionion. this idea of better seduces people, i can say hey, i am 'better' than you! and give lots of so called evidence to prove it, and if loads of people agree with me you wouldn't feel too good, likewise people could do the same to me,

      personally i believe if god didn't want people to have sex she wouldn't have given us the tools, and i don't see sex as criminal but yet i respect your point of view so thanks for adding.
      • thumb
        Feb 7 2012: "personally i believe if god didn't want people to have sex she wouldn't have given us the tools,"
        Just because you have been given a knife (or a gun) does not mean you have to kill someone.

        As you may have noticed I did NOT say I'm better than anybody out there, in fact I said the opposite.

        Indeed sex is not criminal, depending on how we use it. The same as knifes and guns and cars.
        Pornografie is ok?
        Please see this link about sex and marriage, it is not about how to make babies.
        http://webhome.idirect.com/~abraam/documents/SexandMarriage.pdf

Showing single comment thread. View the full conversation.