Benny boy

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Male sexuality

The idea is, firstly that males have a sexuality, sexual energy and can experience sexual pleasure, the expansion of this idea is, continuous repression of sexuality, which feels like 'thats not okay, or, is inappropriate behavior or 'save it til your older;' can make young men feel insecure and shamed of something so natural.

continuous oppression of sexuality, usually believe it or not by older men, role models, big brothers, fathers, can feel like 'don't do that to women, you can't do that til your older like me, don't do it unless you plan on having a relationship and getting married, its abusive to women' can make young men feel like their sexuality may cause harm if they express it, when its doing more harm oppressing it, this can lead to sexual violence, sometimes rape in extreme cases, sexual domination, made to being feel like your 'gay' for not expressing it but 'wrong' if you do, much confusion and displeasurable experiences.

the fine line here is assertiveness and respect, sexual assertiveness, feeling attracted to a girl sexually and being able to act on those feelings in a positive and assertive manner can lead to sexual confidence, more pleasure, and a positive respect for male sexuality.

hiding these feelings and having to drink to feel comfortable enough to express them isn't healthy, theres usually a low level of intimacy with men around other men these days unless they've been friends for a while, anyway thats what i see, yet ive been in a place before and in friendships where ive felt comforable having sex with women around my friends and they didn't disrespect me for it, nor did i boast or brag about it to them afterwards, it was simply acknowledged and seen as acceptable, nor did they intrude or try to violate my under the cover privacy, she was even included in the group friendship. great place to be; love those guys.

now your thoughts ted, did this help anyone? has anyone else had similar experiences?

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      Feb 7 2012: ''honour' kill' may i direct your attention to the comment below,' Where you would be willing to die so they could live.'

      i don't see male as better than, female or female better than, male. we're just different, the matter of superiority and inferiority is simply a question of humility in my opionion. this idea of better seduces people, i can say hey, i am 'better' than you! and give lots of so called evidence to prove it, and if loads of people agree with me you wouldn't feel too good, likewise people could do the same to me,

      personally i believe if god didn't want people to have sex she wouldn't have given us the tools, and i don't see sex as criminal but yet i respect your point of view so thanks for adding.
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    Feb 7 2012: I agree with what you say there but i don't get the point of this topic.
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      Feb 7 2012: just because its fun and i enjoy it, and i was hoping it would have value to people.
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    Feb 6 2012: thanks for your response; here is another one of mine, im going to challege you a little here but stay with it; its for benefit. while i understand my values have changed (i change them myself hehe) and will change as i grow and develop, i would say so does societies, as each person changes their values until the majority of that society has similar values and the old ones are dropped or changed or clung to w/e, so im sure im not the only one that does that, and this is kinda how i picture a societies values changing whether its accurate or not im not sure, however i would say what people consider appropriate behavior changes as well as time goes on, it used to be appropriate to burn people at a stake or to hit children in school, and it 'probably' changes as people become more aware of the consequences of that and our consciousness grows,

    i like your pee analogy lol;

    but frankly i see more and more people valuing confidence as i grow older, and assertiveness rather than domination, for instance being an assertive male may be considered to people more valuable than being a dominate male, someone who can express themselves and communicate etc, thats kinda why im bringing up male sexuality so my brothers from other mothers can has some more infos.

    i recognize some potential similarities between our sexualities male and female, and we could agree on certain things like, perhaps 'pleasure principle' and what pleases us most, but im not going to pretend to be an expert on feminine sexuality because i'm male myself and in the process of exploring mine more haha.
    thanks again for your reply :>
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      Feb 7 2012: You are so correct stating that societies values change over time as well as our own. Sometimes it gets a little confusing especially if you find yourself during a time where there is disconnect between the greater society and your own values. That's when you find a group.

      I really like your observation about dominance/assertiveness and values. It is really interesting and I would have no insight into this whatsoever as a female. I wonder if we could connect some societal happenings with your perceptions. It would seem to me that a dominant male would be desirable when there is a need to maintain the status quo. An assertive male would be needed when there is a need for a change in the status quo. Not saying that a dominant male could not lead change but nobody'd probably follow. Hmm now I am thinking about American politics. I will be watching with new insight.

      Confidence is overblown. It really is an illusion because most of us don't have it outside of tasks we have already done. That would mean nothing new would ever happen. But we learn to bluff confidence when appropriate. Even if we are shaking in our boots. It is simply a skill we learn to project and has little to do with reality. If people value it, learn to wear it like a jacket just remember to take it off once in a while.

      I am not sure there is a whole lot of difference between male and female sexuality except for how we are enculturated in to our roles. Have fun exploring yours:)

      My wish for you is that you find a woman. Like no other woman. Who fills your entire being with light and shares her being with you. Where you do not want to share her, but protect her and keep her safe. Where the children she bears you become more important than life itself. Where you will not allow anything or anyone to take this away from you. Where you would be willing to die so they could live.

      That my friend is the point of all of this. Unfortunately many people never find it. But keep looki
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        Feb 7 2012: listen, thanks i really appreciate it because you sound well meaning however life doesn't have any point save the one that i give it, and saying that i am living to 'protect and serve' so to speak, isn't how i love. and to be honest it sounds a little rude that you would refer to me as someone who would die as so someone else could live. i guess i try and learn from our mistakes, i don't believe theres any honor in dying so a woman can live; in order to protect her and my children. to me theres more honor in showing compassion or being honest.

        we used to sword fight to 'protect our honor' in order to win the hand of a women. in the same sense i don't see people trying to kill me for the girl i am with, but i don't hang around jelous people and my life is worth more to me than someone elses, not because im better, but because of what my life means to me.. an opportunity to grow, and if i gave that up at the drop of a hat i probably havn't done what i meant to do.

        i believe i can come up with a higher life purpose with deeper meaning than that, if my life purpose was simply to enjoy myself and others as much as i can in every moment, i think i would lead a more fulfilling life than that; and be a much more enjoyable husband if i ever decide to 'get married' in an institution lols. although from what i understand about marriage its our way of giving people an opportunity to express love in a long term relationship and im not saying i can't be committed or anything its just i see alot of people going into it for loads of different reasons, some to settle down, some because their parents and society told them to, etc etc. im kinda glad we don't have arraged marriages here but i hear in some cultures it works.
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          Feb 7 2012: Of course you can. Seems like you got a little issue with this. Like you have to defend yourself. I really don't care. But you might want to think about what caused this reaction. Compassion and honesty are protecting someone. Protecting family is more than a sword. Its not that you actually die, it's about that level of commitment. Commitment. Hmmm .
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    Feb 6 2012: First of all it is very interesting that you have this under the heading of male sexuality like girls don't go through something similar.

    But anyway, let's stick to your question. This is what I know. Sexuality and sexual drive is normal natural and we all are born with it. It is hormonally mediated so it can fluctuate during a lifetime.

    But, we are a society of people. We have to live with each other. And because of that we have certain rules of appropriate behavior. The appropriateness varies from group to group, culture to culture. Most people are happy to share with you what appropriate behavior is in their group or culture. In some groups, it it appropriate to get drunk to talk to the opposite sex. It's how it's done. In other groups it is frowned upon. You are searching for morays and values that are congruent with yours and looking for groups with similar values. You will try on behavior and cast it off during your lifetime. For instance, your values now will be adjusted when you have children. Your behavior will once again change.

    Think of it like urinating. Everybody pees. Every day. More than once. It is physically uncomfortable if we do not pee. But we don't go around peeing inappropriately. In different cultures it is fine to just get off the road and squat in mixed company, but in other places there are rituals and supplies and facilities. Some places it is ok to pee in front of people of the same gender and in other places it is a private function. People will let you know if you are peeing inappropriately.

    Good discussion. I am sure you're not the only one trying to figure stuff out.