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What do you need more of to feel happy, secure and at peace?

What will it take for you to feel personally happy, to be secured in peace, to be your best??

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    Jan 18 2012: I think I could use more self-confidence and courage. I tend to underestimate my abilities and if I do make mistakes, I tend to blame myself too much and not move forward. I know my lack in self-confidence has held me back from being my best, and has interfered with my personal happiness, so to fix this I have taken more risks and tried new stuff for fun. For example I recently started doing tae-kwon-do and after 4 months, I have already acquired a yellow belt and a broken wrist and am happy to have both.
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      Jan 19 2012: Having the same problem here...I know how you feel.
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      Jan 19 2012: Liam and Beste,
      Rather than thinking about this as a problem, try thinking about it, and feeling it as an opportunity?
      Liam, you say you tend to blame yourself too much.

      Every single time you catch yourself "blaming", change the thought/feeling/words to something different...more positive. Give YOURSELF the confidence and courage you desire.Taking more risks and trying new stuff is a great start. I LOVE your last sentance..."I have already acquired a yellow belt and a broken wrist and am happy to have both". You didn't blame yourself for the broken wrist, you accepted it as part of the process! You are on your way to change!!! LOVE IT:>)
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        Jan 21 2012: Hi Colleen,
        Thank you for your advice :) It just needs time i guess :)
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          Jan 22 2012: Hi Beste,
          It takes time...and trust in yourself. You are a very insightful, articulate young person, and I appreciate your comments:>) As Liam says, we often underestimate our abilities...believe in yourself and your abilities:>)
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        Jan 24 2012: Hi Colleen,
        Thanks for the advice, and yeah I have found that what you have said has helped me alot really. The way I often see things now is that there is really no need to 'blame' including myself. rather I just tend to forget about it, move on, and understand I can only move on.
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          Jan 24 2012: Hi Liam,
          Thanks for your reply. I was simply reminding you of what you already know in your heart:>) You're right..."no need to blame"...good perception:>) I believe life is an exploration, and blaming simply uses energy we can use in another way:>) Percieving life as an exploration in every moment, gives me the energy to feel personally happy, peaceful and secure:>)
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      Jan 22 2012: Happy to have broken your wrist? :-) That's called "synthetic happiness". :-)
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        Jan 23 2012: Hi Colleen,
        Thank you for your kind words,I really appreciate them :).Im just trying to get to know myself, for I learned that this is how I will be able to understand myself instead of hating myself all the time,which will eventually give me a better understandment of the others around me too.
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        Jan 23 2012: Hi Gregory,
        Looks like you've been listening to Dan Gilbert's good talk about "synthetic happiness" and "natural happiness":>) Hopefully, Liam will pop in here and tell us exactly what level of happiness he is experiencing...there ARE many levels:>)

        Difficult to believe that one may be happy because of the fact that he has a broken wrist! Could it be that he is experiencing the bigger picture? Can our awareness or acceptance of the bigger picture be the underlying "happiness"?

        I think of my near fatal head/brain injury for example. I was not "happy" or "content" with my head cracked open because of a horseback riding accident. There was fear, pain, frustration, etc. Underlying all the emotions that I experienced however, there was a sense of contentment...most of the time:>) I was doing something that I loved doing, and was good at. Accidents happen, and with sport activities we are often taking risks. I was/am content that I was willing and able to enjoy the sport and happy that I was willing and able to take the risks needed to enjoy something I love. I also learned a LOT from the injury and challenges. The bigger picture, is that the experience offered an opportunity to learn, grow and evolve in myself.

        You see how there may be many underlying factors, which contribute to a feeling of happiness/contentment? It is way too simple to say he was happy because he broke his wrist, or I was happy because I bashed my head in? When we consider the big picture, sometimes, we can find happiness in places we may not expect happiness/contentment to be found:>)
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          Jan 23 2012: No I didnt see it but thanks for posting the link,I will be sure to check it out :)
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        Jan 24 2012: Actually, the breaking of the wrist part was not really synthetic happiness, I think I would be just as happy with a normal wrist than with a broken one. I am simply enoying tae kwon do like how Colleen enjoys horseback riding and the broken wrist is really just another experience I have to look back on. Also sorry, it took some time to reply collen, I was starting my spring term of college and was very busy.
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          Jan 24 2012: Hi Liam,
          I've done Tai Chi at times, and I experience Martial Arts as a great opportunity to learn so much about ourselves and life...balance, concentration, focus, strength, control, and the best thing of all, for me, was to learn to yield, and come from the core with strength. That can be an important lesson in all aspects of our lives:>)

          Good luck with the college experience, healing of the wrist, and everything else life has to offer. You sound like a very insightful person, and I appreciate your contributions, so I hope we'll continue to see you here on TED:>)
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    Jan 19 2012: Nothing. I'm in a good place right now. Thanks for reminding me. Best wishes for courage and real jobs and whatever else everyone else needs!
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      Jan 19 2012: Hi Melissa,
      Thanks for your comment. I didn't want to be alone with my response...nothing:>)

      Your response also reminds me of this story:

      Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at
      the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate,
      they hugged, and the mother said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'
      The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough.
      Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.'

      They kissed, and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where
      I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried
      not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you
      ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

      Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a
      forever good-bye?'

      'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead, and the
      reality is - her next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said.

      'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you
      enough.' May I ask what that means?'

      She began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other
      generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.' She paused a moment and
      looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more.
      'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we wanted the other person to
      have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.'

      I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day
      may appear.

      I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

      I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

      I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear

      I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

      I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

      I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

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    Jan 23 2012: Strange, I just had an answer pop into my head when I read this question that totally surprised me. The answer was "For the world to stop screaming at each other.". What would make me feel happy, secure and at peace would be for every single one of e 7 billion of us to stop murdering, slaughtering, and beating each other.

    I know, I know! I'm conditioned to believe that happiness, peace,contentment can only come from within, and that the only thing I can change is my reaction to the situation. I know I can't change the world and that it would be silly to ask the world to change for me, but that was the question and that's my answer: If we would all just stop being so bloody angry!
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      Jan 23 2012: While living has become easier, more comfortable, and far more abundant than ever in history, aggression seems to have grown along side of it. This is excessive accumulated aggression and it makes no sense at all.

      I think it is a matter of awareness that there-is-enough-for-everybody. I believe YOU can change the world by being the solution at every opportunity.

      7,000,000,000 is a beautiful number.
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        Jan 24 2012: "being the solution at every opportunity". - nicely put.

        I dare say that to have more of us thinking I such a positive manner would bring us more peace and security
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          Jan 24 2012: You are right Verble

          We have to really let it into our head that there-is-enough-for-everybody.

          We have to help others really get it into their heads that there-is-enough-for-everybody.

          It is only a matter of awareness.
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        Jan 24 2012: Juliette, I think you're on to something there. Maybe the question is not what do we need "more" of to be happy, and at peace, just to realize that we already have enough. We're all so busy scrounging to get our "cut" because we are so afraid we'll be left out. A good example would be to look at the BestBuys on Black Friday. Madhouses! Everyone smacking each other to get those XBoxes . . . Even though there were more made than could possibly be sold on the shelves for the reminder of the month!

        Of course, for me, I say we should learn to be happy without that stuff, and I know you aretalkingabout real resources, not entertainment, but that's just an example of our social conditioning.
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    Jan 23 2012: getting the balance right between striving for improvement and accepting current reality. not to take life so seriously sometimes. take some time to chill reflect or just laugh sing dance.
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      Jan 23 2012: Balance. Balance. Balance....Beautiful.
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    Jan 18 2012: A real job. If I were able to provide for my family and bills I would be completely content. If that job could include the ideals, causes, and dreams I am passionate about I would be ecstatic! As it is I am happy now (as happy as I choose to be), secure in the peace I share with everyone and I try to be at my best always (even if I don't look it.)
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      Jan 18 2012: I wish you will be ecstatic starting......................................now!!lol.
  • Jan 27 2012: I think we have many tools to improve our inner state such as NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) Hemis-sync (sounds that create meditation states) and so forth. These tools feed our soul and allow us to achieve somehow happiness, self confidence and peace. NLP assumes that every human being has a map of the world but no-one is able to pick up and understand the world perfectlly. The map isn't the territory. Therefore, I think that we should try to nurture our inner condition for improve our quality of life.

    "Men always forget that human happiness is a disposition of mind and not a condition of the circumstances".
    John Locke
  • Jan 25 2012: More time to spend with my children.
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      Jan 25 2012: I couldn't agree more Ross.
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    Jan 19 2012: Thanks, Colleen! I'm happy for you.

    Your story reminds me of something I read in Julia Cameron and say to myself sometimes: "You do enough, you have enough, you are enough." Useful.
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    Jan 19 2012: The main thing to remain happy, secure and with Peace is to accept the situation with which you are going in...
    1.Think out the persons living in worse than you are...You will feel secure
    2.Close your eyes and try to remember the face of the cutest child you had ever seen...You will feel Peace
    3.Accept the situations as they are; fight to get out of them but think out positively....for eg. Failure does not mean you lost everything instead it give you the way how that problem can not be solved... You will feel happy
    :-) :-) :-)
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      Jan 19 2012: It is important to have a tool to maintain our perspective at all times - I love your #2 Shobhit; the baby image - I have it inside my eyelids. I close my eyes and I see it and feel the peace. It is amazing how we all come into this world equipped with acceptance, tolerance, love and trust.
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    Jan 30 2012: Friendship...in the true sense of the word.