sarah boardman-miller

This conversation is closed.

What did you do/tell yourself when faced with something you thought was insurmountable?

I would love to hear about how you got from point A to point B when you saw no path. What did you tell yourself to keep forging ahead? What did you do to keep that path open?

Closing Statement from sarah boardman-miller

There is much we can learnfrom each other. Trusting that there is always a way. It may not be one you have thought of or one that you much like. All the same, it is path through. I wrote a piece tonight on just this. it's called "chess"
Thank you so much for taking the time to read, answer and share.

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    Jan 7 2012: Before saying what is my ritual to those blocks, I think it is interesting to compare the 5 stages of grief with almost everyone's reponse to such insurmountable events i.e.denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance...I think some usually stop at the stage 4 of depression and those who make it to 5 is what you are expecting I suppose. I personally believe that most of the time such block can be overcome if our mind is looking in that direction. As I pointed out, our response being depression, anxiety and likewise, our capacity to face greatly diminishes. In crude words, due to low self-esteem, we lose confidence and stop looking for solutions. So, the first thing I do is engage in something that makes me feel good about myself and restores confidence. Then, I connect with people who have faced similar circumstances and succeeded. Usually, if it is a career obstacle, then by being really good in your profession is more than enough. If it be a matter of emotional or relationship area, seeking professional help and zeroing in on your problem is the next logical thing to do. If its a matter of resources, like money, educational institutions etc. try all possible solutions even if it be embarassing.
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    Jan 8 2012: The mere fact that TED exists gives me great joy. That the talks that I could easily pull from to help with my question is wonderful. They have everything-when we bump up against our obstacles in business, beaurocracy, our fragile physical being, the obstacles of the heart and the JR's-the obstacle of a possible closed mind.

    Just watched Louder than a Bomb and was so taken by the courage and verocity of the kids. I am biased and love poetry and it's not for everyone. Just what obstacles did the kids have to overcome? Love.
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    Jan 8 2012: So great you bring up the stages of grief. Vicerally, one might go through those in a split second or a long process. That moment you are faced with your obstacle, making those choices based on the outcome of the stages. I wonder if one is in the situation surrounded by many, one feels more "comfortable" hanging out in the depression stage? If you are stranded on a desert island all by yourself would one "hang out" in that stage or move through it because there is no one else to show it to.

    Very curious.

    Love that you recognize the need to be inclusive of others whether they help you move through it or they might just "be" for you on any level.

    Thank you for your insight.
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      Jan 8 2012: Well, It is a matter of choice at the end of the day. People do enjoy hiding behind excuses and playing the victim. It seems to be our natural response to shift blame when the chips are down and slump into our comfort zone. If we look hard enough, we realise that the line between problem and opportunity is a matter of perspective. Habits also play a huge role in determining our response, but inorder to answer you desert island conundrum, I figure you mean to say that often People's response is audience-dependant. 'Learned Helplessness' feeds on some form of reinforcment,so, you are right to conclude that. However, these are extremely personal things.Too much pampering, or the other way around, need for attention , need to feel special and 100 different things influence human behaviour. Any attempt to generalise will still land us on on shaky grounds. Hence, I reiterate the need for trustworthy comrades who know us very well or some professionals , mentors to inspire us. Often, the best view to ourselves is through others.
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        Jan 8 2012: Dear Dean,
        Your comment is so well said, and I agree totally! It is a choice, and it is common to hide behind excuses, play the victim, shift blame, habits, learned helplessness,and slump into the comfort zone. I also percieve that the line between problem and opportunity is simply our perception. As one of my good friends often says..."it's not a problem, it's a feature"!

        To answer your question...
        First of all, I've never percieved anything as "insurmountable". I'm not always sure HOW I will move through the challenges in my life, and I always believed I was on this earth to learn, so I got right to the task at hand. If we do not see a path, it only means that we are blinded by our own fear, and that's ok, because fear is a natural response to a threat. However, to stay in a place of fear is not usually a good use of energy.I always believed that there WAS a path, and I needed to be open minded and open hearted enough to see it. I never knew where the path would take me, and that was hearted/minded. I took one step at a time, like after a near fatal head/brain injury when I was not expected to live, then not expected to ever function "normally" again. During and after the challenge with cancer, during and after life with a violent, abusive father, etc. etc. I was/am learning with each and every step, and in my 65 years on this earth school, I've noticed that there is ALWAYS a path. It sometimes doesn't look like what we "expect", so letting go of expectations is also am important part of the journey:>)