Jamie Lee Mcfadden


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Why do people show so much hate towards each other?

Part A:
Is this caused by an animal instinct to hate someone else or maybe jealousy.
I believe most people spread rumors about each other and try to cause trouble simply because they see the other person has more or is has the talent to have more than the other.
Part B:
Do you believe that this productive or counter productive. In my eyes I believe trying to sabotage someone in any means only slows you down in reaching your own goals in life. So you are actually handicapping yourself.

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    Dec 26 2011: I think thats because its easier to hate someone than love them.Because love means responsibility,not being afraid of expressing your emotions ,empathy, both self awareness and the awareness of the world around thyself.People are usaually ignorant to realise these and they see being kind and loving as being 'weak'...but since they are choosing the path thats easier for them,doesnt that actually make them 'weak'?
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      Dec 26 2011: I did not think of it like that but I see your point. I think that truly loving people is way harder than hating everyone.
      • Dec 26 2011: I think loving takes much less energy than hating AND it feels a whole lot better.
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          Dec 26 2011: Rhona,
          I maxed out with thumbs up for you too....I'm feeling very limited at the moment:>(

          Yes....in my humble opinion, loving takes much less energy than hating AND it feels a whole lot better....Yes!
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          Dec 26 2011: I think hate takes no fear. However if you love someone you allow your chance to get hurt. So in that matter I believe for some love takes a lot more effort.
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          Dec 26 2011: Hate IS fear based. If we love, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and yes...there is a chance to get hurt. There is ALSO a chance to experience extreme happiness/contentment.
          It's always a choice:>)
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      Dec 26 2011: Hi again Beste:>)
      You say..."love means responsibility, not being afraid of expressing your emotions ,empathy, both self awareness and the awareness of the world around thyself. People are usaually ignorant to realise these and they see being kind and loving as being 'weak'...but since they are choosing the path thats easier for them, doesnt that actually make them 'weak'?"

      If expressing emotions, empathy, self awareness, and awareness of the world around thyself, is not familier with our worldview or programming, then yes. it might feel very frightening, or weak. You are so insightful....thanks:>)
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        Dec 26 2011: Thumbs up I just reached my maximum for you this week. :)
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          Dec 26 2011: It's ok...we can use smiley faces...as planned........:>)
        • Dec 27 2011: Maybe they ought to reconsider that maxing-out-on-thumbs-up stuff. Obviously, Jamie, Colleen and Rhona have been frustrated by that recently. Just this once I'll do the :>). I will leave the rest to the decision-makers at ted.com to reconsider the limitations on the thumbs up policy. HAPPY TODAY.
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          Dec 27 2011: Dear Rhona,
          I did write that I was "feeling very limited at the moment" regarding the thumbs up limitation, and I usually go back later (when I have more "thumbs" available to me again) if there is a comment I want to acknowledge. At one point, there was abuse of the TEDcred system, and TED responded by changing the system, which I am really very grateful for.
          HAPPY TODAY:>)
      • Dec 27 2011: I guess because I did a thumbs up before writing a reply, I was unable to reply to the specific comment of yours, Colleen, that started with "Hate IS fear based...." So what. To Jamie, love takes relaxing, trusting, letting go of fear, honesty and stuff like that, but the reward for coming up with that is happiness and fulfillment beyond your wildest imaginings. Even if it does not work out and you feel hurt later, so what. You'll live through it and be able to love with even greater feelings and rewards in the future. Live and learn. Life takes courage. You have that. Colleen, thanks for your every input. I am very glad that all of us are here on ted.com. It is comforting to interact with my precise peers. I acknowledge my equality to you. Right now we are accomplishing our positive goals. Yipppeeeee for us!
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          Dec 27 2011: Sorry...still limited on thumbs up for you...this will have to do for now.........:>)
    • Dec 27 2011: Beste, I think being kind and loving shows people to be wise, courageous and strong. It's good for those who are kind and loving and it has powerfully positive impacts on those they are kind to and those they love as well as on a vast quantity of strangers. Think of the domino theory. Kind and loving acts cause a long stream of new kind and loving acts. So what if you do not know the specifics! It happens. Sometimes one does find out.
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        Dec 28 2011: Hi Rhona,
        I see your point and i do agree that being kind and loving shows people to be wise,courageous and strong.However,most people seem to be ignorant of this and therefore would rather choose hating to loving .I think this is due to being afraid of showing true emotions,trying to cover up things like jealousy,lack of self confidence ,not being able to deal with personal issues etc...,being afraid of denial,trying to look strong ,satisfying self ego,stress and pressure ,being afraid of commitment and responsibility.I think this is simply just running away from reality and is the easy way out.So,this leads to unhappy individuals,therefore an unhappy society and unfortunately the domino theory can lead both ways.
        • Dec 28 2011: Beste, I get your point. I agree with much that you say here. To what extent do we have control over ourselves and others? I think, if we send out love, we increase the likelihood of getting love bouncing right back at us. A small example is, when you smile, frequently strangers who see you smiling, smile back. Our society can be redesigned to make it more positive. Suppose all of our institutions, e.g., religion, medicine, economics, politics, were based upon positive assumptions about people and life. They would be designed differently. Often what you get is what you expected. I like to experiment. Tomorrow, when you awaken, decide to have a positive day, speak positive words, do positive things. Observe the results. Perhaps you have more choice in causing your feelings and experiences than you realize.
  • Dec 26 2011: Colleen, I agree with what you said. I don't remember using the word "ignorant." I have made the same observation as you about intelligent people being afraid to give and accept love. I think fear and early childhood negative brainwashing towards "others" is the source of the problem. I don't want to name particular religions, but there is systematic teaching in some religions of hatred towards other specific religions. Jealousy, feeling inferior and other things based on fear are probably the underlying cause. Nevertheless, the consequences are horrific. It's best to acknowledge the truth of what is going on, if we are to stop it. Some people express their prejudices as though they are facts. I think it is vital to acknowledge the truths, if we are to successfully deal with reality. I'm glad you agree about one of my sayings: When in doubt, assume positive. It's worked very well for me.
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      Dec 26 2011: Hi Rhona,
      I agree with a LOT of what you say, and most of what you have written here. You used the word "ignorant" in a comment on this thread 4 days ago.
      Your statement..."Jealousy, fear, incorrect, i.e., negative brainwashing when they were children by their ignorant elders".

      I agree that programming in childhood, caused by fear is one of the underlying challenges. I understand very well the consequences, having been given some of this programming as a child. It is always good to acknowledge the truth, and do our best to change the destructive patterns.
      • Dec 26 2011: 4 days ago feels like ancient history to me. Thanks, Colleen, for pointing that ("ignorant") out to me. Perhaps "fear" is largely a function of ignorance. It is difficult to distinguish reasonable fears from unreasonable fears, e.g., greed, fear of loving, fear of expressing one's true thoughts and feelings. Most people think their fears are valid. I wonder how much fearing going on is valid. Our society is oriented towards manipulating human (especially child) behavior by provoking fear. We can see the unwanted results. Let's change this.
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          Dec 26 2011: LOL...I know what you mean about 4 days ago feeling like ancient history!!!

          No problem...I didn't want you to think I was pulling it out of a hat!!! I usually look at the entire comment thread, people's profiles, previous comments, etc., to understand a little more about who I am interacting with.

          It is not at all uncommon to call people who "hate" others "ignorant". Technically, I guess, if we are unable to open our heart and mind to others, we are depriving ourselves of information, so it could be refered to as "ignorance". I really feel, however, that most people are not ignorant, but rather "programmed" with specific information....as you insightfully said...often from the time we are children.

          All of the "fearing" that goes on is valid in our own mind when we are in the fear, don't you think? If we are living with the programming of hate/fear all the time, it seems valid....probably. I agree that some of society, and various groups are oriented towards manipulating people/children by provoking fear. It is a control mechanism, and sometimes, those who want to be in control, will use this method to keep others in control. If/when we are thinking, feeling adults, we can make choices. YES...let's change the fear based, controling hateful behaviors...YES.....YES......YES:>)
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    Dec 23 2011: Because humans fear the unknown and they often do not recognize that all humans adhere to universal truths (we all want love, security, etc.), but get bogged down by fears, prejudices, stereotypes, etc. That fear turns to hate for several reasons. Sometimes because of jealousy, such as when poor, unemployed white supremists see minorities entering highly paid professions. They fear that they are losing something, like entitlement or power, even though they do not see the truth that all humans have the same potential, it's just that same people create opportunities while others sit back and await the opportunities to come to them.

    This question lends itself to book-length discussion...we could take this much further, but ultimately people must become more aware of their fellow humans and learn to embrace diversity and have a desire to learn about other cultures and people so then the fear and hate may subside.
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      Dec 25 2011: Are you sure only a book length discussion I was thinking a serious of book length discussions :). I see everywhere when some one is doing well people begin to hate them for no real reason at all. Greg I believe you nailed it on the head.
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    Dec 22 2011: One might ask the following: If it were one's last day on earth, would one be wanting to sabotage anything? If one would, and the others around one would, too, then the bed's been made and one must lie in it. If, however, one would not sabotage while others would, seems to me it may be time to move on. Unless, perhaps, one is an agent of change.
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      Dec 23 2011: The world is in need of change and you are right it is just some of the people but it seems the numbers are climbing on the negative side.
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        Dec 25 2011: Hi Jamie Lee and Lynn,
        I believe the numbers are climbing on the positive side. Let's ALL be "agents of change":>)
        Is our cup half empty? Or half full? I believe that what we focus on expands:>)
  • Dec 21 2011: Jealousy, fear, incorrect, i.e., negative brainwashing when they were children by their ignorant elders. Many of our religions and institutions are based upon negative assumptions about people. It is up to you and me to invert these norms. Let's make positive assumptions about strangers, e.g., and see what happens. HAPPY TODAY.
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      Dec 22 2011: : I think so there are so many groups designed to control people through hate and jealousy.
      • Dec 22 2011: I wonder if these groups you are thinking of include organized religions.
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          Dec 25 2011: Religions are often twisted out of their original states to control a group of people. However it is no limited to Religious groups there are clubs and organizations that teach hate. Look at the KKK.
      • Dec 25 2011: Jamie Lee, you acknowledge that religious groups teach hatred and say that other groups such as the KKK also teach hatred. I agree with you. Some specific religions systematically teach to children and members hatred of people of other specific religions. It is not just individuals. I could give you specific examples, but I hesitate to name specific religions because people become so irrational when the subject matter is religion and I am more interested in the general problem. I think it is important to acknowledge all truths so that we may successfully deal with reality as it is and achieve the positive results we desire.......as soon as possible.
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          Dec 25 2011: Actually my first name is Jamie Lee second I said some people twist religions to control people. I have nothing against religions just against people that pervert a movement to get their own wants out of it. There are too many groups to count the KKK the Black Panthers any group that builds to help only one race or creed is also on this list. We need to start working together as the human race and forget all the other garbage that has been fed to us.
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          Dec 26 2011: Actually, do ALL "religious groups teach hatred?" It seems like the core belief of most religious groups is "love thy neighbor", and there are many religious people who actually "live" this teaching. It is often individuals or groups within the religions who have extreme, hateful beliefs toward others, is it not? I agree Jamie Lee, that "some people twist religions to control people". I also have nothing against religions, and strongly agree that "we need to start working together as the human race and forget all the other garbage that has been fed to us".

          Jamie Lee, consider yourself "thumbed up"...I have maxed out for you for the week:>)
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      Dec 26 2011: I agree Rhona..."Let's make positive assumptions about strangers". How does it feel if we assume people are afraid, rather than "ignorant"? I observe people in our world who are very intelligent, and afraid to be loving toward others because loving others causes us to feel vulnerable. "Hating" others because s/he is different, sometimes feels like it's in control, and the one judging feels "better", "smarter", "more informed", "more holy", etc. etc. etc.

      "Let's make positive assumptions about strangers, e.g., and see what happens. HAPPY TODAY."
      YES...I agree:>)
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        Dec 26 2011: Thanks for the unofficial thumbs up a appreciate it:). (Dear TED please allow us to put smiley faces). Yeah the true center of any religion is love. The sad thing is a lot of times people twist the religion to get the followers to do their bidding. We all need to step back and love ourselves and others. Two days ago a student told me Merry Christmas and I replied back Happy Hanukkah because I knew he was Jewish. Like I said I am Christan and have no problem with any religion. I just don't like how some people twist it for there own benefits.
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          Dec 26 2011: We can do smiley faces.....:>)

          Yes...I believe it needs to start with loving our "self". Can we honestly give something away that we do not have for our "self"?
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    Dec 28 2011: Hate has several shades of meaning. It may denote intense hostility, sustained ill will often accompanied by malice. Such hate may become a consuming emotion seeking to bring harm to its object. We see the effects of this kind of hate all over the world. Hate may also signify a strong dislike but without any intent to bring harm to the object. It is an intense aversion, an utter abhorrence-not malice, spite, or a desire to inflict injury.

    Some hate because they envy or are jealous of others. Some hate due to prejudices that they have. Still others hate due to resentments they have built up inside them. There is no one answer to your question. Sometimes we incur others hatred for no good reason. Sometimes one is hated simply for being, no reason necessary.

    The important thing to keep in mind is that we are not in control of others. We cannot force others to "not hate". Understanding this is key to being content in life. If you are a positive loving individual who finds it in your heart to love your fellow man, then you will not let others hating attitude affect you.
    Sometimes, our good example will allow individuals who have never seen "love in action" to change their ways....one person at a time.

    And, for those who are inclined to the spiritual let me just add, that according to prophecy in the scriptures, in the time of the end "critical times hard to deal with would be here . For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, discobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, having a form of godly devotion, but proving false to its power...." (second letter to Timothy chapter three verses one-five). Is it any wonder then that the world finds itself in the condition that it is in today?
  • Dec 26 2011: Hello Jamie Lee;
    Very good question! We have had major spiritual setbacks in our planetary history. I don't trust the Biblical versions of our planetary beginnings. We began very near animalistic in nature and we have not completed the ages-long movement to divine nature, which seems to be the plan. Through revelation of many teachers we are learning new concepts of divine nature, but this learning process is taking a long time.

    Hatred is not divine, but is human. When we choose divine nature and take to heart the purity of such nature, we relate much better; we live better and we are happier. Jesus asked us to adjust and it is his teachings that eventually must prevail on Earth to achieve high divine ideals for relating. Until these high ideals prevail in any person's life, such persons cannot be a peace or experience real love. Love surely must be the opposite of hate. Do you agree?

    This is a short explanation. The various causes and details of hate could be discussed ad infinitum, but in the interest of brevity, could we say love one another and let this love be a shining example to others? All persons in all nations must eventually learn to be loving in spite of conflicts. We deal with conflicts because we are human, but we shall deal with them with higher quality results when we love. Dreaming? Yes, but without hope for Jesus' way to prevail, we have no basis for applying love in our personal lives.

    Thanks for this opportunity to comment!
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    Dec 23 2011: Hate=Fear.
    I agree Jamie Lee...fear/ hate simply slows us down in reaching our goals, and we actually handicap ourselves. Good point!
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      Dec 25 2011: Our own doubts in our own selves is what causes us fear and hate others.
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    Dec 31 2011: Jamie, a human being is a bundle of different states of emotions like, happiness,anger, envy, greed etc. ... these traits are naturally there in him/ her.

    What matters is his/ her UPBRINGING..which influences which of the different traits would take the lead role... a competitive environment would always bring in envy... whereas a materialistic type of lifestyle would bring in hate towards others.

    Whereas accomodating others and working with a attitude of detachment would bring in happiness
  • Dec 27 2011: Thanks, Colleen. I am very happy knowing there are so many people like us who are active today in converting our world into the fun place it is obviously supposed to be. When those suffering folks realize how they could have used the freedoms and powers they had to elevate their own well-being and joy levels as well as those of countless strangers, they will be scratching their heads wondering why they waited so long to simply use all those freedoms and positive words and acts they had access to all of their lovely lives. I'm glad we are aware and I'm glad we are taking action every day. It is working. Right now we are successful. And I am enjoying the process as I suspect you are too. :>)+
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    Dec 23 2011: My interpretation: Why do people show so much hate (agression, arrogance, blind-rage, annoyance...) towards each other?

    Quick answer: This question is relative to [a] certain situation(s); I assume you are referencing how strangers treat srangers. In that thought-experiment it's pruely perspective and subjective.

    ...But, there is some science behind this strange behavior you have noticed among random individuals... A pop-psychology consideration I recommend are the "Big 5 personality traits" they are in a sense "how to read a stranger."

    Part A.1. The "animal instinct" thought is what all animals have... Why would you be friendly to a strange animal that is going to take your food? It's an evolutionary mechanism to "give favors, expect favors back = communal-benefits = groupthinking" in a fuzzy sense of how politics, cultures and even our biology has adapted over time. Your mind is quickly saying "what do you have to gain from doing work for a stranger?" while your body is slowly being rude. [Today, we LOVE sweet and salty - because even 300 years ago, those were some of the MAJOR trades - thus making those salts and sugars and other spices a rarity.... We evolved to love sweet and salty stuff because our brain tells us they are rare.]

    A.2. Rumors - are spread out of fear more than anger. The fear is that they will "beat" that person in some sense, so they will fix the problem before it forms... Anger follows fear, not vice versa.

    B. I agree. In addition to creating esteem problems. If you really just "hate" that person, they must act or say something that is either A. something you find/found flawed in yourself, B. something flawed in your respective communities, cultures, or close-relations, and/or C. your collective data cannot show any other reasoning but distaste.

    But, again, that is instinctive - competing to be the "best," in something/anything, is what everyone strives for in life; wether it is for getting the biggest kill or to be the popular.
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      Dec 25 2011: I think lack of true self esteem is the root it it all to be honest. It is like we have this need to feel like a god over others. Of course I am better than you attitudes have and always been a problem through history.
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    Dec 23 2011: Before I can answer Parts A or B I have to mull over whether there actually is more hate or that those who hate are just louder and vitriolic.