- Valerie Netto
- Somerset, CA
- United States
Horse Trainer Riding Instructor, American Riding Instructors Association
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How would we treat each other if we were not controlled by a need to be right?
We all have areas of life that we are passionate about like religion, politics and horse training. We all think we are right, marriages end, families are torn apart and through history we have died trying to prove it. Why, and if the saying "would you rather be right or would you rather be happy" appeals to so many of us why do we cling so tenaciously to the need to be right? HINT:
E veryone
G oes
O verboard
Obey No1kinobe 50+
Suggest males are more likely to push their view, fix a problem, fix perceived ignorance. Knowledge, knowing, being right seems to be related to social pecking order. Females seem to be less combative in general. Maybe some nurture drivers but probably a lot of nature.
Ever notice a conversation between a bunch of men talking about, sports, politics or whatever. Contradicting each other, pointing out fallacies, expressing contrary opinions etc.
I'll scan through the comments for an informed evolutionary/social perspective.
Agree with themes that the search for truth and knowledge can be aided by debate, but we/I sometimes go too far.
I'm not John Galt
How serendipitous and enlightening.
Thank you, Valerie.
Don Wesley 50+
Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" also didn't reveal who John Galt was!
brian herring
Valerie Netto
Dan Hegerich
Allan Macdougall 30+
What this means is that generalists, on the whole, find it very difficult or even impossible to argue with such specialists. For instance, they might be reluctant to argue about economics with someone who is an economist by interest or profession, for the reasons given above, even though good arguments are to be made from the more panoramic standpoint of the generalists among us.
Narrow specialism is all very well and very admirable, but it also has to have strong links to openness and empathy towards others who wish to contribute to such debate - even though they may get stuff wrong.
manuel ruiz-echarri
Wich is the way to agree appearences and sincerity?.
What have you happier?
I´m sorry but I don't have the answer. Anybody has it?
I would thanks your point of view.
Mark Kurtz 20+
Learning involves listening. So IF we desire to learn we must listen to the "inner" of a person and that often means self restraint, which also could include hesitating before jumping onto the computer keys. A friend once waited three weeks before answering a question. That taught me a great lesson; to think before speaking.
I agree with many of the superb responses to your great question and resulting conversations.
I would add one more aspect that means a great deal to me: I like the narrative of Jesus' life found in Part IV of The Urantia Book (Urantia Foundation. www.urantia.org) The modeling he gave us for the question you bring is worthy of consideration for all relationship aspects of life including family, work, communities, nations, religious, political, education----everythiing. The one most prominent feature of his personality, for me, is graciousness.
What I learned of graciousness is it comes from a love saturated soul within. We learn grace, but graciousness stems from love. With all the love capability I can offer from self at this moment, I recommend an honest study of his life from this resource. I do belief that this study would marvelously address your question.
His graciousness was due to many realities, one of which is personal will. If we are indeed sovereign over our individual will (he knew), then we can see one reason why Jesus was gracious in allowing people to see the better way in relating to one another. Likely there are other many very good reasons for being gracious, some of which emerged from this conversation.
He also knew of the guiding Spirit fragment of God within persons. Hence, will and listen became important for him and now us.
You are so kind to give us all this opportunity to think about this question.
Happy New Year!
Humbly,
brian herring
Mary M. 100+
Some of us are aware and know that we don't know everything.. we make an effort to be humble...but, still there are things within us that we know to be right. The trick is to be tactful, discreet, and cognicent of the following:
"While our thinking colors all our experience, more often than not our thoughts tend to be less than completely accurate. Usually they are merely uninformed private opinions, reactions and prejudices based on limited knowledge and influenced primarily by our past conditioning. All the same, when not recognized as such and named, our thinking can prevent us from seeing clearly in the present moment. We get caught up in thinking we know what we are seeing and feeling. Just being familiar with this deeply entrenched pattern and watching it as it happens can lead to greater nonjudgmental receptivity and acceptance." J. Kabat-Zinn
Great question. I thought you were right in asking it!!!
jessica jordi
john anthony
-r.detre-
Dan F 50+
Don Wesley 50+
Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do? Episode 02: "PUTTING A PRICE TAG ON LIFE"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O2Rq4HJBxw&list=SP30C13C91CFFEFEA6&index=2&feature=plpp_video
Don Wesley 50+
Is it all about philosophy!
Watch Harvard students being educated to think about the meaning of justice; what is the right thing to do!
Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBdfcR-8hEY&feature=list_related&playnext=1&list=SP30C13C91CFFEFEA6
Ed Schulte 50+
As Tolle points to in these few words what "needs to be right" is in fact that which is the weakest, most insecure aspects of the HUman personality. Yes it goes "overboard" in its attempt to
1) desguise itself as being strong and
2) again when it tries to invent ways of "fixing" itself ...to be "all right" again. But the "fixes" are short lived because the primary cause was weakness and insecurity to begin with. IOW the lack of knowing one simple Truth.
http://www.eckharttolletv.com/uncourse/menu/
This link is free and the "EGO" button points to Truth
Colleen Steen 500+
You have hit another nail on the head! Tolle, along with other sages, gurus, philosophers, psychologists, and teachers of many different practices, have given us this valuable information for centures.
Your description of the process, which I agree with, reminds me of the cycle of violence and abuse - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_of_abuse.
In an attempt to be "right" we often see people demeaning and belittling others to appear to be more "correct", more "evolved", more "insightful", "smarter", "stronger"....and the list goes on and on. Abuse is often a componant in an effort to be "right". Of course, those who want to appear "right" don't see it that way because in their insecurity, thay are too busy trying to convince others of their "rightness". It is exactly as you and Tolle bring to light...thank you for the information:>)
brian herring
kwang khim chua
Donald Reid
If I need to defend my opinion, it is probably because down deep, I'm afraid - afraid that being wrong will destroy me in some way. That big word EGO is very important: on the positive side, my ego has kept me intact, enables me to face the world, distinguishes me from others. On the negative side, to have it challenged threatens me with destruction, and I seek to remain intact and so will vigorously defend it.
The answer is hard, yet easy, and found in major religions (I can't say ALL major religions, because I can't claim to know them all, but I suspect it will be there in all) - 'dying to yourself'. For example, Jesus used that very phrase, the Buddha taught let go desire, Islam means surrender to God.
For me, this is a voluntary option, and a lifelong task, but the only way forward.
Bilal Saad
Jennifer McLain
sarah boardman-miller
We all have belief systems that serve us or ...don't. Whether they do or do not, they are part of our cellualr structure. Nurturing those fundamentals: forgiveness, empathy, love, understanding... this takes time, effort and work.
being able to forgive-each other and ourselves
Don Wesley 50+
Yes, we can still put forward what we believe to be "right" and with empathy.
We would then be treating each other with honesty and love.
Ram Sidh
Your right, no they are not the product of an educational system, because if it were, I would be sorely disappointed and I would have views similar to yours, whatever they are.
I can see an average man's reaction to my comments above. I understand the vagueness and quite frankly, frightening nature of the comment. Please Don, don't be surprised by the comment's language which I admit is very vague. What I was trying to convey was that even a murderer has a goal in life you know, and to reach that goal he will do anything. I was trying to eliminate this idea of right and wrong, of good and evil, of light and dark. This may seem overtly spiritual but in the end it has to be. I was trying to explain the example - a very bad example it seems considering your reply - I was using to say that there is no such concept of right and wrong, it is only the result of a society.
As to what your beliefs are, I don't know and frankly don't want to know.
But still, thank you for updating me on the vagueness of my comment.
Phillip Beaver 10+
For example, I asked my yoga class, with members having diverse ethnicities, to accept that I was expressing mutual joy and goodwill even though I would use phrases uncharacteristic to some cultures as I sang, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” Surprisingly, the only objection I received was from a Christian, who asked, “Just what in that song is uncharacteristic to my culture?”
I responded, “The phrase, ‘let your heart be light,’ meant let your heart be an illumination.”
My response mimics the yoga instructor’s statement ending each practice: My light bows to your light.
Appreciation varies with the extent of sharing. When the other party expresses a preference I reject, I empathetically express opposition. For example, a very close friend said he must reprimand his adult, married son for not following his culture, I remarked that his son must mature in a time my friend and I cannot imagine. He must respect his son’s culture. I then asked him to read Kahlil Gibran, “On Children.” See online at http://www.katsandogz.com/onchildren.html .My friend said he treasured that poetry and thanked me for reminding him of his commitment to simply love his son and daughter-in-law. I was able to have this conversation because I appreciate my friend.
When a friend points out how universally applicable his tradition is, I point to a new way to look at it and reiterate my faith in the truth much of which is unknown. For example, just today, a friend said that for Christians, history began some 2000 to 4000 years ago, but for his culture it began almost 10,000 years ago. I pointed out that tools from some 1.8 million years ago have been discovered, and the people who made those tools probably communicated from generation to generation. We happily agreed there is more to it than we know.
It takes appreciation to converse on the other party's subject.
kwang khim chua
If you watch National Geographic, you may have come across an episode where there are these birds who live on cliffs and build nests there. Everyday, these birds will go fishing in the sea beneath and carry the fish to their nest to feed their chicks. However, not all these birds will be successful in completing this task, because there is another species of bird living within the space which will rob the fish off some of these birds. So, if we were to moralized this scene the way religious believers do, we will say that the naughty birds which robbed the poor birds and deprived the latter's chicks from being fed are sinful birds ..so by normal religious rules, these sinful birds will need to destined to go to Hell. But some would argue that non-human beings are just resources for the human kind and that the human kind is superior etc etc because they can control the environment. But if you look at it rationally, we are just one of the species in this world, no different from birds, tigers, ants etc etc, just that we play a different role. What this role is in the jigsaw puzzle I don't know.
My second point is, just like birds, the human kind have also "robbers" who are out there "terrorrising" the other human beings. For me , I would not label them as sinners, because they are part of the ecosystem and plays a role in ensuring the ecosystem is sustained.
So back to the question of what is right? Is the act of robbing right or wrong? Wrong if you are the victim, right for the robbers, because they need to either feed themselves or feed their family,...
Having said, this I will still try to ensure I am not a victim, just like I won't be the first gazelle to be at the edge of the pond that is infested with crocodiles.
Phillip Beaver 10+
I am reminded of my 37 year old daughter, when she left her job on one morning last week because her boss would not stop badgering her for being late to work that morning. She left with a migraine headache and called for advice about whether to go back for her personal items she left under the circumstance. I advised her to get rest and relief from the headache and let the items go until the next day.
I went on to write an essay about conduct in that crocodile pond. I feel she is naturally kind, empathetic, and focused. Nevertheless, she must survive the crocodiles, so next day, recognize that she is entering a swarm of crocodiles but when she departs at the end of the day the crocks will marvel at her kindness, empathy, and focus.
She's home on holiday until the New Year and lots of fun and has not mentioned the work incident.
Each human is on a path with the potential to improve from the contradictions they were born into and rise to their natural goodness. We can appreciate each person for contending with their path and sharing with us a description of where they are at this moment in time. If it is a person who has been brainwashed to martyrdom but is questioning it, we can assure them that they are too precious for sacrifice and help them escape their school.
Birds of prey do not have the ability to help each other in the same way humans can.
I hope your environment offers you some relief from the sense that everything is about survival. For this reason, I also continually advise my daughter to seek a new job.
Luis Javier López Arredondo
There is no universal right, but logic.
Colleen Steen 500+
If we think we need to be "right" we are wasting our time, because we are all teachers and students in this earth school. The sooner we realize this, the better for all of us:>)
kwang khim chua
Neel Prabhu
The key in any discussion is the purpose for which is made. If the other end is confrontational and is doing it just for the purpose of proving a point it does not lead to any healthy discussion. Good ideas only generate when there is healthy exchange of ideas.
Darius Teodorescu
Craig Simes
deb burks
That is a well-known religious edict, or fatwa, issued two years ago by Sheik Abdel-Aziz Ibn Baaz, the supreme religious authority of Saudi Arabia."
So, if I insist that this guy is wrong and that I am right in believing the earth to be round, am I tenaciously clinging to the need to be right, or am I just a realist who wants to start a conversation from a point that agrees that certain facts of nature exist?
The flat earth belief is an extreme example of the ridiculous religious edicts that can tie school boards into an impassible knot and stifle education systems.
Robert Winner 50+
deb burks
Robert Winner 50+
Tim Van Oosterwyck
Syed Shah
What if that psychological state (due to whatever reason) is distorted or is different from others. Do you stick to "being right". Do you end your marriage for it or do you kill or do you torn your family.
As I write this, I am beginning to think that to be able to accept that you are wrong (only when you are actually wrong) is something that not everyone can do and should not do. You need a lot of knowledge and skill to change your beliefs. If you are not fully equipped, it will destroy you (in terms of your self confidence, self doubt etc.) and if you are well equipped, you will rise and shine.
Daniel Acevedo
Robert Winner 50+
One last thought .... Sites like TED have allowed us all to grow. I have not seen any conversation where a demand to a personal view has been made. I learn from each of you and thank you.
Colleen Steen 500+
AND...I hope this is not really your "one last thought" because I appreciate your insight:>)
Robert Winner 50+
Zared Schwartz
Colleen Steen 500+
I can only speak from my own experiences and the experiences of people I know. I was the child of a hateful, prejudice, racist father, and those are the messages I was given by him from birth. However, as a young adult, I made different choices because I understood his fear. I was also brought up in a catholic environment...12 years of catholic school and indoctrination, in which I was taught that we (catholics) would enter the kingdom of heaven, and everyone else was going to hell. I also saw the fear in that belief even as a young child. There is no doubt that there is hate and prejudice abundant in our world. However, I believe that as thinking, feeling adults, we have the ability to make choices, and on that we seem to agree.:>)