TED Conversations

Cindy Gallop

Founder & CEO, IfWeRanTheWorld

TEDCRED 200+
TED Attendee

This conversation is closed. Start a new conversation
or join one »

What do you think each and every one of us can do to counter the impact and influence of porn as default sex education, everywhere?

Today hardcore porn is more freely and widely available online than ever before, thus accessible by kids at earlier and earlier ages (the average age at which porn is first viewed online is 11; a friend of mine recently found her 9-year-old son watching hardcore porn on her iPhone). At the same time, we do not as a society talk about sex openly; the majority of parents are too embarrassed to teach their kids about sex, and sex education is generally not taught in schools in a realistic and directly relevant way. As a result, and I can testify to this through my direct personal experience of dating younger men, an entire generation (guys and girls alike - girls watch and are as influenced by porn as guys are) is growing up believing that what you see in hardcore porn is the way that you have sex, with some very fundamental, ingrained negative impacts. As someone working to counter this with my venture http://makelovenotporn.com, I would love all thoughts and ideas from the TED community as to how we can collectively address what is, quite frankly, the single biggest impact technology is currently having on the most fundamental aspect of huma behavior - our sexuality, which informs everything to do with how we feel about ourselves, other people, our relationships, our lives and our happiness.

This is a global issue that is currently impacting everywhere.

We'll start this conversation at 1pm EST on Wednesday December 7. I am very much looking forward to conversing with all of you!

Topics: Kids Around the World Live Conversation children men pornography sex sexuality technology women
+5
Share:

Closing Statement from Cindy Gallop

Everybody - I loved this conversation! Terrific free and frank exchange of views, many aligned. I found this enormously helpful, both to me personally as I take MakeLoveNotPorn forwards, but also in the context of the many friends I have who are all tackling different aspects of this whole area in different ways, and will also find a lot of this useful. Many thanks to everyone who participated - I really appreciate it. I hope to continue the conversation in due course, and certainly to add to and expand it when I and my team launch http://makelovenotporn.tv in spring 2012.

progress indicator

  • Comment deleted

    • Philippe Daigneault

      • 0
      Dec 7 2011: Sometime the answer to a nail is a hammer. You are welcome to try and come up with something better.
  • thumb

    David Barnett 20+

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: I just tried to access your site, Cindy, but it has been blocked by my server on the grounds that it is porn. Go figure.

  • Parker Gibson

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: It is important to make sure our children understand that porn is the depiction of people having sex, but it is not real, nor does it depict actual "love" making. Essentially, they are actors, being paid to perform as actors. We need to accept that our children will be exposed to this sort of obscenity, and give them the tools to appreciate it for it's intended purpose, but not to confuse it with what sex is actually like. We need to help them understand that sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, but that love making is something special to be shared when you trust and love someone.
  • thumb

    Paul Kercal

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: A very good question and, for me, points to the fact that we, as adults, have an amazingly poor ability to allow kids to be kids until it's time to move on. IMO we allow children to be babysat by screens, rather than show a full and active interest in their progression, and life, sex and religious education becomes a mish mash of what teachers pass on and what the vogue culture of the day delivers. I'm as guilty of this as anyone.

    I'm a youthworker and further ed teacher, my wife is a primary school teacher, my sister in law a secondary school special needs co-ordinator. The tales we could tell. Terrifying because we only deal with a few hundred kids a week and every teacher in every school in most countries can tell the same stories. Today I was told of a 12 year old we're aware of, already on facebook for three years, who's dressed up as a movie star for her 12th birthday. Which involved wearing a dress which was in no way suitable for her age and posing in a manner which kissed goodbye to a childhood already lost. All posted on a social networking site with the privacy filter turned off. Not a daily discussion for us but not rare either.

    And porn, as free and available as it is, becomes the understood norm for something which should be sweet, joyful, wonderful, clumsy, new, fresh and beautiful. Milf becomes a standard description for one of the teachers I work with, as if it's not a clumsy and unpleasant and awful way for a student to mention a colleague while I'm in earshot. In fact they've asked me who the milf is, and then they're amazed when I blast them out for it.

    I was reading a semi-related article which said that the power of swear words is diminished with overuse. A non-swearer who stubs their toe and says the first word which comes to mind will have the pain exascerpated by the thrill of saying a taboo word. Whereas someone who uses a swear word as a comma will not. As it is with language so it is with sex.

    And all to the OST of BEP: Ma Humps.
    • thumb

      Cindy Gallop 200+

      • 0
      TED Attendee
      Dec 7 2011: Paul - absolutely.
      • thumb

        Paul Kercal

        • 0
        Dec 7 2011: Black Eyed Peas have a lot to answer for :)
    • thumb

      Jesse D

      • 0
      Dec 7 2011: I would try to offer various possible steps in the right direction which might not be mutually exclusive

      - More acceptance of love-making in the media. Perhaps we should be aiming to get to the point where a TV show shows some awkward, funny, loving sex between two characters. The knee-jerk response is "No way, what about the 11 year olds?" But that no longer seems to apply - they've likely seen adults having sex already. At least if they are hell-bent on putting themselves in situations they aren't ready for, they might emulate some more realistic adults rather than porn. At the same time we perhaps need...

      - More acceptance of love-making in our philosophies. Here is not the place for me to lament what sexuality has become to some worldviews. But sex is indeed too fundamental a part of humanity to be suppressed to anywhere near the extent of something like waiting for marriage. I mean, wait if you would like, but that is no longer the norm, and it never should have been the "ideal". It's simply not necessary, and I think we should be glad that way of thinking is on the decline. What actually matters to sex and love-making is emotional maturity and good knowledge about risks.

      -Fearless sex education. And I would add, throughout their school years. Teenagers can either have sex while the adults keep themselves idealistic, or we can all make sure these kids have better survival and safe sex training (i.e. condom use). That takes ongoing reminders, not one class. When the world demands that kids face adult decisions (e.g. in times of war, how to use the internet, and so on) we must equip our kids more quickly and effectively. What is the alternative?

      Also, that site "make love not porn" is pretty cool. Except, one you go through all the interesting panels comparing sex and porn, it just says "see, they're different!" What about finishing off with some small request to commit to the idea - "like this on you facebook"

      Just some thoughts
  • thumb

    Sébastien Cloutier

    • 0
    TED Translator
    Dec 7 2011: So, we're thinking about sex courses with criticism... something like the walls of Pompéï?
  • thumb

    David Barnett 20+

    • +1
    Dec 7 2011: Kids are always gonna look for sex so I'd say make sex films that aren't demeaning freely accessible, whilst at the same time, making the demeaning stuff more difficult to find. And of course, be open and candid with your children. Recently my 5 year old surprised me when, during a nature documentary, a pair of monkeys started having sex, and my son said "They're having a fight," and I said "No. they're not. They're making babies," to which he replied, "Oh, they're having a shag!"
  • thumb

    Lindsay Newland Bowker 50+

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: In the context of a school employee being arrested on child pornography charges ( not involving any children of our school) we as a community of concerned parents and citizens were briefed by the arresting officer who gave us a very eye opening look at how difficult it is to crack down on online porn, how diifuclt it is for parents to effectively monitor or protect their children.

    Others with ongoing state programs spoke persuasively for parents encouraging direct and early open, straight forward and fcatual communications with their children on human sexuality..correct names for body parts, clear guidance not only with strangers but with peers etc

    .There is no way around it. Parents are hey key. Schools can't do the job of filling in gaps in parent child communications. But many, perhaps most parents needs help and support and guidance in how to do this. Very important.

  • T A

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: Well... things that'll never happen (esp in the U.S.)

    A serious sex education curricula....

    The best thing would be to stop/never have children. :) I'm doing my part.
    Just think how many other bigger problems would be solved too.
    Just sayin.

    -------a very unpopular and uncool thing to say......probably'll go unmentioned
    • thumb

      Cindy Gallop 200+

      • 0
      TED Attendee
      Dec 7 2011: :)

    • Philippe Daigneault

      • 0
      Dec 7 2011: Oh, the answer starts here with us, don't sell the whole system short. Soon the baby boomers will have died out and their outdated morality with them (hopefully) then our generation will have more of a voice and lead the world to a more open curious and accepting future. Voluntary extinction is not the answer. :P

  • Comment deleted

    • Burton Wynne

      • +1
      Dec 7 2011: What if the men and women who are objectified enjoy being objectified?
      • thumb

        Cindy Gallop 200+

        • +1
        TED Attendee
        Dec 7 2011: Then that's fantastic :) Totally concur - I am regularly critiqued for http://makelovenotporn.com's message essentially being 'some people like this, some people don't' - to which I have to point out that even a message that simple needs to be conveyed. That's why essentially what I am trying to say with MakeLoveNotPorn boils down simply to 'Talk about it' - because a lot of people don't. (The emails on the 'About' page of the site will give you a sense of what can happen when they don't.)

      • Philippe Daigneault

        • 0
        Dec 7 2011: Objectification definitely come with a form of power and adulation. The same can be said with living up to societal expectations: we also glorify the 3.5 kid nuclear family with white picket fences. But it's not the only way to live. It's important that we showcase that.
    • thumb

      Cindy Gallop 200+

      • 0
      TED Attendee
      Dec 7 2011: Karen, yes - MakeLoveNotPorn is absolutely a gender-equal proposition - it cuts both ways.

  • Samuel Hauptmann van Dam

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: For some reason I can't reply to your comment, so I'll have to start a new conversation here. :D

    And well, I don't think technology is as much the impact as the people and societies behind them.

    None the less, I think this is one of these never ending issues of balance and what people perceive as being the norm. I believe that the easiest and most effective way to come your issue to life, is teaching in the image of strong women and men.

    And a strong person is one that talks and debates preferences. You talk about confidence as an experienced women and I think confidence in the idea that talking about sex and gaining confidence is key.

    I believe that we are going into sexual expanding times, these will undoubtedly be forced into contracting times but since that is probably far off into the future as we are in a fairly relaxed period in human history, I think that getting your message integrated into education as well as the fabric of the internet is key.

    You got a cute website but it is porn killer. I am working on a project and I might be able to help you in the future but for now, I think your best shot is some kind of Facebook integrated debate.

    On the education of the internet this what I think you should have in mind to be relevant. http://www.khanacademy.org/ Khan is making a education website and having the sexuality debate there seems very natural.

    REMEMBER! Do not give people points for being creative, it only kills creativity.

    So a mix of those two and you will be going. I got no funding but if are ever interested, I might have the vision.

    Best regards,

    Samuel.

  • Candace Scott

    • +2
    Dec 7 2011: What can we do? Stop lying to our children! My daughter is 8. When she was 4 and asked me about how babies were made, I was honest with her about it. I didn't freak out when she checked out a book from the library about human reproduction when she was 5. Her godmother, who is a parole officer who does a therapy group with sex offenders insisted that I read her "The Touching Book" to her to protect my daughter against predators. And what does the book teach? Honesty. Quit lying to kids about this stuff or anything for that matter, and that way when they are confronted with pornography, they will already have information that they need to process it. You can't keep your kids locked up in a closet in order to protect them from what the world offers, good and bad. Inform them, be honest with them. Let them know what your feelings are on the subject, but keep in mind that they may feel differently about it, and that's okay. And keep this in mind, if you can't be honest with your children, how can you expect them to be honest with you, when they need to be? What happens when your children are confronted with pornography at any level, will they feel comfortable asking you about it? What happens if they are confronted by a sexual predator, will they feel comfortable telling you about it?

  • Comment deleted

  • Sean Anders

    • +1
    Dec 7 2011: I think we need to address our society's reaction to sex before we can begin to address the issue of pornography. As stated in the initial post, people aren't talking about sex with their children; it is taboo, shameful, disgusting, what have you. But too few people ask why. Why is sex taboo? Why is it shameful? Why is it disgusting? The Victorian Era notion that sex happens in the dark, face to face, only for making babies (which, I might add, porn is helping [correctly or not is another matter] to dissolve) is a driving force in why sex education is so underfunded and ill-supported.

    However, I admit that changing this is unrealistic in a practical, pro-active way. To address the question of pornography specifically, kids need to be given a real explanation of sex. That yes, it does feel good, and yes it is for making babies. That they should wait for someone that they love before having sex, but that if they decide not to, then they shouldn't be ashamed in buying condoms or other contraceptives. As stands now, we tell kids and teenagers to do this, or don't do that. We shouldn't be telling them what to do so much as reasons why they should and should not. Telling a child "do not place your hand on stove" is far less of a deterrent than explaining to the child "if you place your hand on the stove, your hand will get burnt and it will hurt very, very bad."

    Moreover, I think that we should EMBRACE pornography rather than ban it. Pornography has opened a lot of things to our children that we may or may not wish for them to see. But, like it as we may not, it's not going anywhere. With the ever growing prevalence of technology for younger persons, it is becoming ever easier to access. So instead, let us embrace it. Push the porn industry to make porn of more realistic sex between a loving couple. As children become interested in sex, make this available for them so that their sexual urges can be fulfilled without skewing their views of what sex is supposed to be.

  • j m

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: as for porn,

    theres all sorts,

    soft and hard,

    where we draw the line is based on experience

    everyone has a different experience

    respect each others experience

    if you reach your "line", either walk away, or endure growing pains...

  • Philippe Daigneault

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: One thing I find that is harmful to sexuality is the all or nothing approach when dealing with sex. The reason why so much pornography deals with more violence and degradation seems to be: "you stepped into this pond, you might as well get in over your head." If porn was more "mainstream" I think we would see a lot less of sexual violence in pornography. As it is because of the hard 18+ years or older boundary, which if you'll forgive me is a pipe dream now, sexuality in the media comes in two flavors: kissing and hand holding with chaste side view lovemaking set to flute music or full on semen drenched porn with some generic hard rock in the back ground. There is NOTHING out there that looks even remotely like the sex normal people are having. Children are watching porn, we need to take our heads out of the sand and deal with it in a responsible manner by showing what real sex is like as opposed to awkward leg positioning.

    • Burton Wynne

      • +1
      Dec 7 2011: "There is NOTHING out there that looks even remotely like the sex normal people are having."

      How do you define 'normal people'?
      • thumb

        Corvida Raven 100+

        • 0
        TED StaffHostTED AttendeeAssociate
        Dec 7 2011: ME!

        I'm a normal person and porn doesn't come close to the sex I have. That's why it's called porn and not just sex.

        • Sean Anders

          • +3
          Dec 7 2011: Corvida, I believe Burton's question in defining "normal people" is that people are varried and so too are their sexual preferences. If you were to group together 100 men, all of whom you believed are normal, chances are that at least some of them were homosexual, engaged in bondage, heterosexual anal sex, or a myriad of other sexual acts that you may not engage in, but are still very much normal. Sex, like people, is continually evolving, and changes from relationship to relationship, even when only looking at 1 person.

          Defining normal action is difficult to begin with, but when we're concerned with something that people talk so little about, it becomes even harder, and worse still, biased. While I might not engage in choking, hair pulling, or some of the other things that people have mentioned in this very thread, they are still very much normal. But the negative stigma of not being normal is often attached to them because of very similar mentalities of it not meeting the same sexual criteria as what you, or any other readers, might engage in.

  • j m

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: in terms of the connection between love and sex,

    love is union, unity, unification

    sex is caress, massage, pleasureable touch, relieving

    sexual union is when man and woman resut in child, a union of man woman to create another human

    • Philippe Daigneault

      • 0
      Dec 7 2011: All I'm going to answer to that is "perhaps to you." There is no cut and dried definition of what sex is. Maybe my girl likes to have her hair pulled and likes a little bit of extra thrill to give her goosebumps. It's not always about sweet wet and silky, sometimes a rougher edge that takes your breath away is also good. Limiting your definition narrows possibilities.
  • thumb

    Mike Euverman

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: Schools need proper Sex-Ed. For me personally, the Sex-Ed class had two points. 1) If you have sex, you will get an STD. 2) The only way to not get an STD, is to abstain from sex until marriage. The class fell on deaf ears, as the majority of students were already sexually active at that time.

    I do no believe that the proper education needs to done prior to a child encountering pornography or other graphic images, as children view violence on television but are taught that it is separate from reality. That what they are viewing on television is "fake". For pornography, no one sits down with the child to explain the differences between what they have viewed, and what should occur in reality.

    Why not teach children what sex IS, as opposed to only teaching what the possible results are? The most progressive Sex-Ed class that I have encountered, as one that actually showed what a condom was. The focus still remained on avoiding unwanted pregnancies or contracting STDs. Everything taught was focused on the negative, while porn gives the appearance of showing the positives. It's understandable that people get confused.

    Edit: In my opinion, children should be taught about sex at whatever age they start to ask questions about it. When they ask "Where do babies come from?", is when the education should start.
    • thumb

      Cindy Gallop 200+

      • 0
      TED Attendee
      Dec 7 2011: Absolutely Mike!
    • thumb

      Corvida Raven 100+

      • +1
      TED StaffHostTED AttendeeAssociate
      Dec 7 2011: I'd have to disagree. As someone that took a sex-ed class in the past 10 years, I'd have to say that none of my friends (myself included) wanted to talk or learn about something so personal from a teacher or peer group of strangers. It takes away the balance of intimacy and openness that should come from a healthy sex relationship.

      While the content of Sex-ED should definitely change (I agree with you completely on that Mike), it's just not the environment for such conversation, in my humble opinion.
      • thumb

        Cindy Gallop 200+

        • 0
        TED Attendee
        Dec 7 2011: Corvida/Mike - agreed. The principle of sex education is great, but then it becomes about HOW you do it. The right kind of class - and the one featured in the NYTimes piece that others have quoted here is one example: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/20/magazine/teaching-good-sex.html - works well; the wrong (where a purely biological stance is taken, everything is negative - STDs, pregnancy threats - the teacher can't wait for it to be over and neither can the kids) doesn't.

        And yes, this open dialogue needs to happen EVERYWHERE.
      • thumb

        Lindsay Newland Bowker 50+

        • 0
        Dec 7 2011: I'm with you Corvida. Schools can't do the job effectively. As I posted above, its a job for parents but not so easy to tackle without more guidance, support, suggestions, practical help in that tricky role.,,

  • j m

    • +1
    Dec 7 2011: thought about having dynamic drawing class where models were doing it. Really doing it, not posing, but i guess some of that too. See here its almost just technical, and appreciation, not moral or mystical, or depraved or taboo. Its a field of study, whatever that form takes for each unique indivual.

    But frankly, we just dont understand attention, human attention, its motivations, intentions. We take its dynamics for granted and assume a certain righteous stance on what is good for other people. more often than not by denying what we deem bad, but rarely supplying what is good, instead imposing that the oher should seek it out.
    • thumb

      Cindy Gallop 200+

      • 0
      TED Attendee
      Dec 7 2011: Absolutely. And unfortunately, because of the societal taboos around open discussion and acknowledgement, if you did attempt to hold that class, you would instantly be arrested :)

  • Brittney R

    • +1
    Dec 7 2011: I think media literacy and sex/health/relationship education are equally important, starting at a young age and continuing throughout the school years!

    It's absurd that there isn't time spent in school teaching kids to read and think critically about media when they spend so much of their lives consuming it.

    Just as absurd as not teaching kids the basic science of human anatomy and reproduction - just like any other science. Or teaching teenagers about consent, communication, and healthy relationships.

  • Jeremy Peters

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: I haven't but I have read many books that talk about the science of it. Yes sex is a wonderful thing. But it is much like a horse if bridled and trained, it can take us to great places and great heights. but if left wild and in control it can take us many places but probably none we really want to go to. It may be fun at first to ride that untrained horse until we want more control over our destination, speed, path etc. Suddenly we find ourselves unable to obtain the most precious things in life.
  • thumb

    Kristofer Schmolze

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: I know there's only a few minutes left but I read this article a few weeks ago. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/20/magazine/teaching-good-sex.html?pagewanted=all There seems to be more of a propaganda battle going on. Abstain from knowing what to do or go about having sex in an educational setting where you should be able to ask these kind of questions. OR... Truly discussing what's involved, how it works, and most importantly the relationship between the people involved. Sex is more than the act it self. Sexuality is sexual activity of any kind. Young minds and bodies are curious and will explore sex even if they were in room by them self alone. As a teacher, educator, and concerned citizen I'm aware that knowledge is power. When knowledge is removed, taken away, or transformed into a fabrication this grants power to those wishing to benefit. Manipulation of people through ignorance only sets them up to fall, be trapped, and destine for poverty/disease/child-parenthood. I question how this is helping in any way, because it is not, it's hurting. The political stigma developed through out time but especially the eighties during the AIDS epidemic has held the strength of abstinence education for to long. Fear tends to vanish when folks investigate what is going on around them. Educating students out of intelligence is a crime against humanity. We need each other and are dependent upon one another. It takes true strength to stand up and fight for what is right. There is no spine in being paid off to have no opinion. Porn is common culture on television, lunch room conversations, and through out the internet. Fantasy is now reality weather it is at the kitten ranch in nevada or on an ipad. Distinguishing between what is meaningful and what is entertainment, and what really works between two consenting partners is in question. I would love to know what Dan Savage has to say about all of this. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=10984804 Please ask him please
    • thumb

      Cindy Gallop 200+

      • 0
      TED Attendee
      Dec 7 2011: Actually, a lot of people have said to me that Dan Savage and I should have a conversation....:)

  • Melissa Belli

    • +3
    Dec 7 2011: About 800,000 people are trafficked as sex slaves every year, a lot of these are women, a lot of these women end up being forced into doing disgusting or humiliating stuff for porn sites. Forced live and cyber prostitution. Cracking down on human trafficking may decrease porn. Making people aware that a lot of the sex on this sites is slave, coerced sex may bring the whole thing into perspective.

    Developing alternative erotic sites that show sex but without all the humiliation so as to have some variety of points of view may also help.
    • thumb

      Cindy Gallop 200+

      • +1
      TED Attendee
      Dec 7 2011: Melissa - as per my response to another commenter who raised this issue too, there are fortunately many great initiatives tackling the issue of sex trafficking, including this one that I donate to monthly: http://www.catwinternational.org/

      However, there is also the fact that many women - and men - work in porn by their own free choice and are professional and committed about the job they do (I have a lot of friends in the porn industry who fall into this category), but find themselves unable to take pride in their work and live open lives because society demonizes the porn industry and sees it as one evil amorphous mass.

      To your last point, I think you'll find http://makelovenotporn.tv when it launches in the spring very interesting....

  • Debra Kinninger

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: We need to EMBRACE the body, not as something to be feared, but something to be honored that has innate WISDOM and wholeness that INCLUDES a healthy expression of sexuality. Sexuality is one of the pleasures of life, yet in America we have created great polarities around its expression. Sexuality is not something to be abused, it is something to be celebrated, yet porn and its easy accessibility on the Internet creates a false sense of intimacy. We need to teach our youth to connect not just with the MIND when it comes to viewing sexuality currently on the Internet or or TV, but to allow the connection from the HEART to drive ones passions. Sex without heart is a hollow act that creates hurt and may harm another. Sexuality that is sacred, that allows for two people to get to know one another and they choose to deepen this sacred connection because they want to deepen their experience of one another. We need to satisfy our children and our youth's curiosity about sexuality, long before they begin watching porn. Families and healthy adult relationships teach children about intimacy, how parents touch each other and their children is where sex education really begins. We are sexual beings and sex education begins in the home long before a child is even of an age appropriate stage of curiosity.

  • Shelley Latham

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: Ugg. Porn as sex tutorial-- complete disaster. Lets see, where to begin.....nobody has any hair on their bodies, nobody ever uses condoms, the only physical contact is genital (so the camera can get a good shot), almost zero touching, very little skin to skin contact, lots of fake groans, mechanical thrusting and position changing.....gah. And that's before you get into the "girls like it every which way and no never means no" crap. Unfortunately, we live in an age of increasing pornigraphication, so kids don't even have to watch porn to get the message. Thong underwear for pre-teens, aerobic pole dancing at fitness clubs, barely dressed teens routinely performing oral sex in primetime dramas. It's bad out there. Now we have the whole "slut" movement which is supposed to be empowering, but is just girls choosing to be treated as sex objects. What happened to dignity, respect, trust, mutual affection, giving pleasure? In addition to solid and comprehensive sex ed, we need positive images of sexuality-- human, intimate, personal, emotional, caring-- in movies, on TV and in young adult literature. Also, while we have to give our kids positive messages about sex being healthy and pleasurable, we also have to be honest that sex can be dangerous, unpleasant, and bad. Girls need to be taught to treasure their sexuality and boys need to be taught to treat girls with respect.

  • j m

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: talk about it
  • thumb

    Shean F

    • +1
    Dec 7 2011: TRUTH = EDUCATION = LOVE
    Most importantly is to Educate, teach the truth, from all aspects and angles. Apreciate nudity as something beautiful, its us, its our body, dont censore it, the ancient sculptures always showed this. Its natural in the Indian culture, expressed in their arts, literature etc (kama Sutra)
    REAL HONEST SEX EDUCATION--why censore something so natural and enjoyable and without it none of us would exist, it´s part of us, our history and survival. Sex is impulsive, instinctual, and enjoyable! This meaning we can´t just focus sex ed merely on a biological facet rather as something integrated with thw WHOLE of us.
    As written by S.L O´B. on FB "we need to nurture sexuality (as many have said here), and not just as gay or straight or bisexual, but as diverse as the human behind the sex. That as long as you are with someone who consents, and you are not hurting anyone physically, emotionally, or mentally, including yourself, that it is okay to enjoy the kind of sex you want, and that includes watching other people have sex, if they are consenting to allow you to do so, as in porn and porn actors. I don't think porn is the issue here. People raped and molested before porn existed, and people degraded themselves and others before porn existed, and they will continue to do these things until we cure our ill society of sexual oppression.
    Stop making it Taboo, and as a part of our daily ilves(which it already is) but naturally accepted & spoken
    I´ve been told that in Brazil since kindergarten you´re taught about sex from books made by sxeologist (not sure its a fact).
    To end a Quote by John Lennon "We live in a world where we hide to make love, but violence is practiced in full light of day".

  • Comment deleted

  • Kelly Loveless

    • +1
    Dec 7 2011: throw some humans into the national geographic specials with other mating animals. call us out on our sex culture the same way we examine the bird of paradise.

  • Phil Cochetti

    • 0
    Dec 7 2011: As I can't seem to reply to the conversation between Joe McCabe and Cindy Gallop, I'm posting this here.

    I am a little concerned that we're underestimating kids if you think that they honestly are going to believe that everything that happens in porn is how it should be. Recent findings in Pediatrics suggest that most kids aren't nearly as involved in sexting. New findings regarding "sexting" discovered that most kids aren't showing graphic images of themselves.

    I am also concerned that we are ostracizing many 'deviant' sexual acts that are a part of a normal and healthy sexual experience. Sexuality is a continuum and things like tickling can go from playful fun and a slight stimulation to the point that someone feels so overcome and out of control that it's a rape like experience. Other activities such as bondage fall along a similar spectrum.

    I personally feel blessed that I'm from a faith that took the reins and gave all its youth a course on human sexuality via its Sunday school function. Courses such as "About Your sexuality" and "Our whole lives" should be more widely offered to give kids an understanding of such continuums as above and healthy ways to talk about sex, sexuality, sexual health and what is normal behavior.

  • Debra Kinninger

    • +1
    Dec 7 2011: I think we need to NORMALIZE Sexuality. It is one of the most innate drives we posses, and appropriate sexuality needs to be LEARNED, not through pornography that is easily accessible on the Internet. I think we need LAWS that target the inappropriate publication of porn on the Internet. We also need to shift sex education from schools to organizations that can teach our youth about health boundaries and what is not just safe sex, but healthy relationships and healthy intimacy which may then progress to healthy sexuality.
Load more comments…