Richard Danziger


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What conversation do you wish your parents(Dad or Mom) had had with you?

Some people are just better at things that others. That's great for the "us" that can learn from the "them".

My dad and mom just were. They did not tell me things. They did not teach me life lessons verbally. They just were. I had to learn from watching and being in their presence. It had some substantial effect to be sure, but wouldn't it be cool if all you great thinkers could tell the rest of us what 's important to tell you kids. And would it not be just as cool for the Kids to ask their Dad and/or Mom to tell them these cool things?

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    Dec 4 2011: I wish my mum had told me that it was ok to fail. She's an extremely hard worker and has sacrificed because of it. If she failed a goal then she had let herself down and beat herself up over it - unfortunately she expected me to do the same. I've learnt now that if I don't succeed in what I originally set out to do then it's ok because I tried and I've still progressed...but it would've saved me a lot of heartache and insecurity issues if she had helped me understand this.
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      Dec 5 2011: Thanks for your brilliant answer. I know you're onto something very good. First off, one would have to define for themselves what is a failure, then whether it matters greatly, mildly or not very much at all. For whom are you attempting to not fail? If it's you, you get to revisit your criteria as often as you like. If it's for another person or entity, be kind to yourself. Perfection is over rated and other than in brain surgery not that big a deal.
  • Dec 8 2011: THE talk ...
    you know....
    about intimate relationships, physical or not
  • Dec 5 2011: Additionally, I would also wish to have a conversation about luck. It's because sometimes when i failed my exams my mom told me that I am unlucky, i was never able to say that it's up not only luck, but i do not know what else.just it's painful when i failed from my exams, and mother told me such harsh words.
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      Dec 6 2011: Alisa, I am a million years older than you and with this age comes a bit of experience.

      First of all, it is clear that you are wonderfully intelligent. You are smart and capable and will be able to achieve many great things in your life. It is obvious from the very little you've written already.

      It is a bit difficult for me to be helpful to you because I don't know much about you, your parents, your family and much more.

      I can share a bit with you. Often when parents behave angrily to their children, it is not really anger. It is fear and frustration laced with fear. Parents are often afraid that their children will not be strong enough to take care of themselves properly. Parents tell their children to study so they can obtain high paying jobs. When children don't get high grades, parents may feel fear that the child will not earn a great job. They may express this fear as anger. For some parents, it is the only way they know how to act. This may be the case with your parents as well.

      A parent has maybe 15 years - 20 years to teach their child what they can before a child becomes very independent. When a parent fears that he has not done an adequate job of preparing the child, the parent(s) may become defensive and blame the child.

      It may be difficult now, but you can trust me that many if not all of the things that are difficult for you now will become easy soon. Please understand that whether you parents seem angry or mean or disappointed, it is most probably just a bad job of telling you that they want the best for you. They love you and want you to be happy. If this makes sense, I am glad.

      Best wishes
      • Dec 6 2011: thank you. that makes a lot of sense ;)
  • Dec 4 2011: As an older person, who has tried to tell my adopted son a few words of wisdom, I found out real quick that he didn't care to listen. Looking back on my own youth- I did the same thing!
    When I did ask my parents questions I discovered we weren't on the same page at all.
    Times are quickly, changing due in part to global media & electronics, and if you don't keep up (as many older folks don't) then your children leave you in the dust.
    At 66 I try my best to keep up but sadly, I am not as quick as I used to be.
    But as a parent I will always be here for my child when he does have a question that I "might" be able to answer.
  • Dec 4 2011: I would choose having a conversation with my parents about my marriage. It's because they want to marry me earlier than I want because I am the only girl of them. However, I want to find out interesting things, and experience life low and highs!
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      Dec 5 2011: Thank you for your comments.

      I can't comment much about your situation because I don't understand the dynamics of your family life. I don't know anything about you, your life, your age, your work, your needs, etc. I don't know if you can support yourself financially if your parents are unhappy with you, whether you live with them or whether you are a dot com billionaire.

      In a vacuum, knowing nothing about you, I can only wish that you get to live your life and discover the wonderful things that are here to be discovered and experienced. There are many. I hope you and your family can work up the courage and mutual respect for each other to hold the conversation that you seem to want and need.