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In your experience, what are the three most important aspects to having a successful marriage?

There are many different opinions about what makes a marriage work. What, in your own experience, is important for the best chance of success? You can list what you’ve personally experienced or things you’ve learned from experts or friends. Give at least three examples.

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    Oct 29 2011: Just celebrated our 15th anniversary last week . . .

    (1) Mutual trust and respect
    (2) The ability to distinguish between serious issues versus trivialities, and deal with each accordingly
    (3) A tireless commitment to building a better "us"
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      Nov 8 2011: Congrats Tony, I wish you continued happiness!
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        Nov 8 2011: Thank you, Debra. Indeed, I am a very happy man!
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    Nov 16 2011: Marry someone you love. Someone who brings constant peace to your mind and joy to your heart.
    Marry someone who patiently and lovingly endures your difficult behaviours (we all have them) and never gives up trying to help you become better. Do the same for them.
    Absolutely and totally reject the idea of divorce. This leaves you only one option for dealing with problems (again, we all have them) . . . . . work them out together!
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        Nov 27 2011: Well, Don, if you are going to limit yourself to one friend you picked the right one!Here is a reference to an account similar to yours regarding the sudden departure of a wife. This story includes an explanation of the purpose of it all. Perhaps you will relate. You will find it in the Bible, in the 24th chapter of the book of the prophet Ezekiel, starting at verse 15 and going to the end of the chapter.
  • Nov 12 2011: How to Make a wife Happy?
    It's not at all difficult to make girls happy. You only need to be...
    1. A friend
    2. Companion
    3. Lover
    4. Chef
    5. Electrician
    6. Carpenter
    7. Plumber
    8. Mechanic
    9. Decorator
    .
    .
    312. Good listener
    313. Organizer
    314. Good husband
    315. Very clean
    316. Sympathetic
    317. Athletic
    318. Warm
    .
    .
    1054. Courageous
    1055. Determined
    1056. True
    1057. Dependable
    1058. Intelligent
    .
    .
    10013. Psychologist
    10014. Pest exterminator
    10015. Psychiatrist
    10016. Healer
    .
    .
    3110010. Stylist
    3110011. Driver
    .
    .
    But

    its not at all difficult.. ;)
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      Nov 16 2011: And all a man needs to be happy is to have a happy wife.
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      . .

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      Nov 27 2011: Excellent checklist Anwar :-) You've got it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and so has David :-)
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    Oct 28 2011: Interesting topic. Thanks for starting this conversation.

    1) Adopt this motto " Love is a Daily Decision ".

    2) Build something bigger than either of you, together.

    3) Give thanks for what you have.
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    Oct 28 2011: Communication, communication and communication
    • Oct 28 2011: u know mere communications become boring sometimes, so what shall i do if it make things worse
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        Oct 28 2011: Hi Anwar,
        If we percieve communications to be "boring", that is the reality we create. How about believing that there is always something new and interesting to learn about your partner? I believe that we change with time, and there is always something new and different we may discover if we are open to really listening.

        My x-husband and I were married for 24 years, and he always believed that he "knew" me, so he didn't listen when I wanted to talk about how I changed over the years. He "knew" me as a 20 year old women, and that is the "knowing" he wanted to stay with throughout our marriage. That was the biggest reason for me wanting to divorce. I didn't want to share my life with someone who thought talking, communicating, learning and growing together was boring.
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        Nov 1 2011: Hi Anwar,

        If you find communication boring, you might try some different skills. Communication is a skill and it can be learned (just like any other skill) and the better we get at it, the more fun, and meaningful it can become.

        But for some, it's not really "about the words" ... my Father communicated through action. It was hard for some people to hear him. To me, he "spoke" very clearly.
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    Nov 12 2011: seeing each other as an"equal"
    be as truthful as you expect to recieve
    communication....
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    Jozef K

    • +1
    Nov 4 2011: being alone
  • Oct 29 2011: .
    1. Loyalty
    2. Truth / Honesty (Important components of communication)
    3. Awesome Sexual Relations

    4. Bonus: Never forget to celebrate the important dates.
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      Oct 30 2011: Isn't your #3 only a way of saying that a successful marriage is a successful marriage? For me, the question is what LEADS to those awesome sexual realations. In the beginning, it's easy. All you need is a young, pretty wife who despearately wants kids with your genes in them. 25 years later, it takes something more, and I lthink that's the point where the question becomes really interesting.

      As a lawyer, I've seen many marriages disintegrate. One common denominator I've learned to recognize in the bad ones, is how people complain to each other. They can be both loyal and truthful, but they still complain. In my view, a good marriage is not about having a wife who loves me as I am (hell, sometimes It would take a saint to love who I am, and I'm no saint myself), but a wife who's dedicated to helping me become the person I want to be. That's not going to happen, unless I'm just as dedicated to helping her become the person she wants to be.
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        Nov 1 2011: So well said. I would call it helping each to become a Better Person. I see it as the ultimate goal of love=creation and belonging, don't mind the pathos.
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    Oct 28 2011: 30+ years of marriage
    1. Before you you marry anyone be best friends
    2. Relax their faults are not going to destroy the earth
    3. Communicate openly and filter honesty with love
    4. Find something you both like
    5. Be honest with yourself always
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    Oct 28 2011: Good communication, Better communication, Best communication
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    Oct 28 2011: 22 years married: forgive, laugh, love.
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    Nov 27 2011: Intellect, growth at same pace, common life goals
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    Nov 16 2011: Tenacity. Ability and willingness to say 'yes, dear'. A sense of humor.
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    Nov 16 2011: Being able to share your loved one with other sexual partners.
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      . .

      • +1
      Nov 27 2011: Geraaaaaaaald !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

      This only works if you are a RAT.
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    Nov 4 2011: 1) sharing common values
    2) open and intimate communication.
    3) keeping promises.
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    Nov 1 2011: Well, I think the first thing would be to have either a husband or a wife.

    The second thing would be commitment (commitment to your self, commitment to your partner, commitment to kindness.)

    As to a third thing ... I'm thinking.
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    Oct 30 2011: Maybe we should define "success" first? Reproductive success? Economic success? Harmony? Continued mutual sexual attracton at 75? With these caveats, my list is:

    1) A common value system. Partners need to be roughly aligned, in what they see as good and worth spending their time and other resources on.

    2) Different strengths and weaknesses, so that my strength can help compensate for your weakness, and vice versa.

    3) Gratitude for what the partner can contribute to your life.

    If you want your partner to stay attracted to you, one of yout most fundamental needs is to find ways of remaining useful to your partner.
  • Oct 30 2011: Commitment/dedication.
    Patience/understanding.
    Mutual respect.
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    Oct 28 2011: Money, money, and more money
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      Oct 28 2011: Dear Steven,
      If you honestly think that more money creates a more successful marriage...good luck with that!
      Anyway, you don't need a lot of money, because you like to eat at McDonalds...LOL:>)
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        Oct 28 2011: hahah.. I should've put quotes over "Money, money, and more money"

        heard it from a primary source.. hence I've never been married.

        also... Micky D's is getting expensive nowadays!
  • Oct 28 2011: 1. to give time for mate
    2. to make surprises occasionally
    3. honesty