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Did you hurt someone who really loves you? WHY?

Sometimes we hurt the people who love us. We hurt them so bad that this totally change their life forever. Do we realize those negative consequences when we do that? How can we make our children good people if we ever did this?

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    Nov 4 2011: The agony and the ecstacy of love is something to consider. I recently told my daughter who is newly in love with someone who loves her that she must be ever mindful to be kind. When you are in love with someone you have the power to inflict nuclear winter on that soul. Whims and fancies that a person who is single might indulge in have new and severe consequences.

    Most of the time, with good people, the hurting arises out of the normal scrapes and bumping along of life. One person has an expectation of another and the other does not understand or agree with that expectation. Most hurt is really accidental or through lack of thought but when you add sufficient numbers of incidents up the forgiving is no longer as easy. In the end, much of the hurt accompanies the different growth patterns and desires of the individuals when they pursue individual agendas.
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    Nov 4 2011: nope....i dint hurt anyone who loves me ;) ;)
    because i never knew that she loved me :) :)

    PS: Do not consider family members in this topic...k :)
    • Nov 5 2011: If you did not know that man:) then Maybe she really did not :) love you.
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    Nov 4 2011: I sure did and I am not proud of it. It was my sons mother that I hurt. We were 18 and 19 when our son was born so there is that aspect of immaturity. I do not want to say that I regret doing so but I wish I was mature enough to make sure my actions corresponded with my intentions. Everyday I think of them both and as much as I try to date other people and rationalize my reasons for doing so, it really does not feel the same and what hurts me the most is that my intimate relationship with her is more than likely never going to happen again. I do not want to feel as though she is the one who got away but to be realistic she is the one who got away and that is something that I have to deal with. Despite that the fact that we did hurt each other I would say we really did love each other, we just needed to grow up a bit and experience life.

    But I will say this: despite the fact that we are broken up I am happy things happened the way they did because I really learned a lot from the experience. I'm only 22 and I feel as though I have a lot of wisdom for someone my age. I'm actually a better person because of this experience. I do not think I can say the same about her.
    • Nov 5 2011: I am sure that the experience is from both sides Orlando.
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    Oct 27 2011: We always think we have a very good reason at the time. If you don't understand the reason then work on your empathy. I'm not saying "agree" only to understand. If 2 parties reach a fundamental conflict in values or opinions there is now why to avoid pain.
    Unless it was an accident then it's all down to forgiveness.
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    Oct 27 2011: I destroyed a woman once, but had no other choice. She was madly in love and I wasn't. There is no other way out. She's been single ever after, moping around like a snivelling corpse. So sad.
    I was afraid she might find me and kill me at one point.
    Love is serious business, this is all I can say to my kids.
    • Oct 27 2011: Interesting comment. Aren’t you exaggerating here a bit, maybe? I doubt that a person who loves someone would want his death. If yes, then she was not in love with you, as you are saying. Reasons:

      1. I believe that the emotions are always mutual. Do you want to say that you never been with this woman or that you never loved her? Honestly, I doubt.

      2. I believe that if someone really loves, he/she cannot hurt the loved one. Did she try to hurt you? If she did then I doubt that she was in love with you as you say. And therefore you could not destroy her. But in the same time you say she is single ever after. Does it mean that no matter that you’ve destroyed her she still cares about u? If yes, this might have been a real love. And I don’t mean “in love” but “real love”, love which does not know time, issues and limits. In that case Gerald, I am sorry to say but you might have missed the real deal. It is so rare. Some people never have the chance to have that. Such love is over the ordinary human thinking (to be accepted for who you are no matter that we show the most negative traits, for who we are) and we the ordinary people are running away from it because we don’t know it. But I think that this is the thing that we actually search for (some people miss it, some others never have it). Isn’t it that what keep together people forever (e.g. parents and children, brothers and sisters for ex). Isn’t it that what should exist between two people in order to make something valuable, not a temporary sand castle (which nowadays usually happens)? And you are right it is sad. But I in that case do you know what I think is sad - that by being afraid to be killed you might have killed the right one. Think about it
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      Nov 4 2011: I'm just curious about your "not loving her"...did you told her you were not in love with her? I hardly see a woman getting madly in love with someone who told her "I don't love you" :)

      "Love is a serious business": I agree but some people like playing with feelings and when they see they are doing too many damages they fly away.
      Love is a serious business and telling "I don't love you", watching the other one in his/her eyes is a great way of loving the other at least as a human beeing.
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        Nov 4 2011: She didn't believe me when I said I didn't love her. She thought destiny was just playing our couple a sick trick, like in Greek tragedies. The more I tried to convinced her that I couldn't care less about her, the more it was obvious for her that I was madly in love.
        Man, don't get into such a mess...
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          Nov 5 2011: You did what it was right to do then! :)
        • Nov 5 2011: I completely agree with Giusi for telling in the eyes "I don't love you" to someone that you actually don't love. So Gerald you said you did that - you told her in the eyes that you don't love her? And once u did that - she thought that the destiny was playing with you both. I kind of cannot believe that Gerald. Be honest man, did you really do that? Or you enjoyed to play with her feelings coz you were strong? We people do that often. It is weird how we feel the pleasure to make someone (who loves us) suffer. And the other way around. If someone treat us bad we do everything he wants from us. Ironic. And I agree with Giusi, I hardly see a woman being madly in love with someone who told her in the eyes - " listen darling i care about you coz I have shared great moments with you but I really I do not love you". It seems from your comment that you were dating this woman. And I don't know how did you behave in order to convince her (as you say) but I have the impression that this woman really cared about you and that she has tried to find reasons to excuse your behavior (considering that she was thinking that it was a fault of the fate). And therefore, I am thinking that you maybe enjoyed that someone loves you so much and can do everything for you. Isn't it? And as Giusi said once you have made too many damages you ran away. I don't know Gerald what you did but I think that whatever it was, you gotta be thankful that you had the chance to be loved so much by someone. As I said before this is very rare. And no matter what we say here man, you are the one who has to live with the consequences of that. And honestly, I hope this woman is happy now and she could forgive you. Coz I think that you try to find out many excuses for yourself in order to be able to live with that.
  • Oct 27 2011: Tishe, I was talking about adults. And I dont agree that this is the way of the world. If people think so, no wonder they would hurt each other. And unfortunately people do hurt others who love them (e.g. hurt their parents; friends; bf/gf/). WHY?
  • Oct 27 2011: So what are you saying?
    Did you hurt a child? (no excuse for that one)
    Adult on adult hurt is the way of the world.
    Good question Water!
    I do not understand, how can one hurt, someone they love?
    ANSWER, you do not!!
    This "love" word is a very vague term. :(