Gloria Felicia

Idea Generator, Raffles International Christian School

This conversation is closed.

To what extent should parents take control of their children?

"Artist, poet, physicist, astronomer, dancer, musician, mathematician are captives from an older time, a different kind of society, in which, ultimately, they were the creators of all primary values."
- Kenneth Rexroth

I believe that each profession holds same level of value.
These values should not be undermined by anyone, not even siblings or parents, except the person himself.

Many parents (although in such a democratic country) still enforce their desire on their children's future to be turned into real. Is it because in some cases, they fail in implementing their own passionate dreams?

On the other lane, good deal of parents in the United States adopt a Laissez-Faire parenting and release their children to pursue their own careers at a very young age, do you think that it is okay to do this?

Youth may think they are sure with the career option they choose in the beginning of college year, however research shows that most of these kids do not possess 100% confidence on the major they're taking and later on began changing their pathway. Don't you think this kind of cycle (if it is continued) will bring such an enormous amount of time being wasted?

From big scale like the future issues of the kid to his privacy, to what extent parents should actually take ideal control?

At what age should they decrease control level step-by-step until the kid turns into a grown-up who can depend on himself as an entity? (in order for the kid to grow into an outgoing teenage and later into successful adult figure)

“You cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours.”—as it's quoted in the movie of 'Alice in Wonderland'. What are the actions required to establish better future/life of kids parents can do?

If one's taught in the best possible way, he could precisely target what he wanted with the aid of knowing his true potentials and later on, achieve his wish-list effectively bloom into the person he's meant to be and hopefully the cycle will finally stop.

Closing Statement from Gloria Felicia

Based on the the perspectives received, I could infer that parents should not adopt autocratic type of approach/control to their children.

Respect is the key, as Rhona said.
The second most powerful element to create successful young adults someday out of the children is guidance, regarding all aspects of the children with the respect of their privacy, like Lawrence suggested.
Third, of all issues and uder any circumstances, do get to know better of your children's attitudes and characters so that you can be friends with them and it will be an ease for them to share their cares. So from this point on, they will be able to tell you what they like to do and what they don't. In conclusion, you will know what's the best for them and what are their potential and prospective talents.

If you have done all these three main points as a parent, you will succeed along with your kids.
Cheers! :-)

  • Nov 5 2011: Parents should control themselves. If they behave properly, their children will emulate their good behavior and will not need to be controlled. The main problem in having children world wide is that most parents are power and control freaks and think they need to control their children and others. People need only control themselves and RESPECT others, including their own children. Trying to control others is an insult to others and an expression of arrogance and ignorance. This is the essential problem of religions, parenting and schools. If you must control, control yourself.
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    Nov 5 2011: I don't understand how Gloria can say there is no such thing as good or bad parenting and then in the next paragraph outline a model for good parenting. Could you expalin what you mean by the second paragraph more clearly? I don't understand.
    Obviously there are many bad parents and many truly appalling ones. The majority are just unprepared and uneducated about raising children. I believe that parents should take control with younger children and less so as they get older. The moments when the parent takes control with older children are usually more important though. I also believe that parents, where possible, should give guidance to their children - or if they cannot do this themselves - seek people who can help guide their children into the world. I believe mentoring is by far the most powerful way to educate and influence a person on an intellectual and social level. I have worked as a teacher and a private tutor so have had chance to see how this works in practice.
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    Oct 26 2011: If my son had a talent in the arts or whatever field it was, yes I would want to encourage that talent to the max. on the same token I would want my child to think whether pursuing this goal was a realistic option in terms of his future prospects. Witness those dreadful ‘reality’ shows where dreadful ‘performers’ will drag theirselves onto a stage because no one told them how rubbish they were.
  • Oct 24 2011: This all varies dependant on culture, religion and social economic ability and availability.

    as a theory however, I employ a system with my children, to help them identify what it is they like doing, and what they are also showing an aptitude to doing, and usher thier progress in those directions.

    This gives them the ability to make choices at an early age while still assisting them in the education of thier choices.

    I find it is working for me so far and the children enjoy the freedom that comes with making thier own choices, while in the security of knowledge that they are protected by family when they make a choice that is unsuccessful or unforfilling.

    I'm not sure if there is a right or wrong answer here, I know people that have only achieved greatness in a profession after being pushed by thier parents in a particular direction, but i dont believe that makes it right.
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      Oct 24 2011: Hi Ziedonis,

      Yes, I do agree that there are good deals of factor which affect parenting control.
      I always believe that every parent has his/her own perspective on what is best for the children and there is no such right or wrong answers. However, pushing kids in the directions of parents' desire without figuring the kids' real talents and understanding their standpoint does not sound appropriate.

      The talents/abilities of parents and children sometimes differ. While the dad is an entrepreneur, it doesn't mean that the kid also has to be one—who knows he is actually a talented visual artist? (well, this is an extreme case)

      After all, may I know how many children and how old are they in the moment? (if you feel uncomfortable in responding this, it is okay) Thanks for the input and the share of your own experince raising children :-)
      • Oct 24 2011: My children are 7,5,2 and 2 1/2 months. 1 girl and 3 boys (in that order)
        there still very young, but already we can see their talents growing in very different streems.

        My daughter is highly athletic and loves working with visual arts.
        My eldest son is already interested in math and problem solving, and very much dislikes sport.
        My two year old is highly energetic and is my first left hander, and is very inclined toward music and singing.
        and my youngest is obviously too young to tell yet, but at least he is a very happy and smiley boy, so I look forward to seeing how he grows.

        now that i have identified their interests and talents and it is only a matter of helping them in those directions.

        but this is my (and my wife's) personal philosophy on raising our children. we do not preach these methods to others or judge anyone else for employing their own method they see fit.
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          Oct 25 2011: Yes, indeed they are very young at age and you are in fact gifted in investigating the natures and spotting your kids' talents. :-)

          I believe there is no such thing as bad or good parenting.

          Take control when you need to and give a space for the children for their own searching into their talents and passions. I simply wish all the best for the future of your family and your kids.
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    Oct 26 2011: How parents raise children is a very personal decision in the U.S. They can influence their children's careers but are not allowed to rule like in other countries. Very few people have the same career they start out with as a child. Most adults will change careers at least 7 times in their lives due to a variety of factors. This is a post college statistic and varies from person to person. With the advent of people as parts rather than humans in industry some will choose to leave, some will be fired or down sized and be forced to leave, others might face health issues, family issues, or injury that will cause them to change careers. It is a very complicated and complex issue that needs further discussion and more limiting parameters.
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      Oct 26 2011: Hi James,

      I am glad to receive your outlook, I do agree too that I should have put some limiting parameters upon this topic regarding parenting control and future careers of the children. However, I do think the fact saying people change their careers at least 7 times in lives can't be change. Well, at least, we can reduce it, can't we?
      How? By the right way parenting, this means not ruling but perhaps to increase parents' awareness of their impact on the growing kids and probably their futures. :-)
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        Oct 26 2011: We can but in the current economic conditions is the US it would be rare for a non govermental job to keep some one there for their life time. I have had about 9 careers, Worked for a retail store in high school, worked for the US army in college, worked for an anodizing company, worked as an engineer designing buildings, worked as a first aide teacher, worked as a cowboy, worked as a middle school teacher, now working as an independent study teacher, worked in lawn maintenance. Now that I am 60 and looking to leave education I want to expand my own business as an educational consultant and maybe become a physicians assistant. Figure I will work one where until they haul me to my grave and drop me in and toss some dirt on me (LOL). I have know a lot of others that have done as many jobs as I have and some more.
        Wish we could reduce it but with companies going overseas by the boat load and small business failing due to regulations and taxes, businesses are leaving California at the rate of about 5 a day due to eco-terrorism by the EPA and federal government many of us will have many jobs. I just cannot see myself on welfare ever.