A conversation on TED.com: Will all our sophisticated communication technology eventually destroy our ability to connect to people on an emotional level?

Aad Berkhout
Helmond
Netherlands

Supply Chain Manager/ Life Coach, Famar Healthcare Services

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Will all our sophisticated communication technology eventually destroy our ability to connect to people on an emotional level?

As a regular traveller I see people fully getting consumed with their gadgets to communicate and thus closing themselves off from their environment (other people). I fear the next generation being brought up with this technology, which is incapable of transferring real emotions and the sense of being connected with each other, will drive them away from being a true and authentic self.

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Christophe Cop 500+
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TED Attendee TEDx Organizer Associate

Oct 11 2011: Was your generation destroyed by television?

If anything com tech made it easier for me to find and meet people with shared interests. I meet a lot of them live.

No need to fear. Every generation realizes that human contact is important.
- Aad Berkhout
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  Oct 11 2011: There is a fundemental difference between now and then which is the social context at the time. At least in The Netherlands the socoal bonding between family ties and within urban communities allready has been diminishing over the past decades. So you can not compare television with todays smart-phones to my opinion. But it is good to hear your trust in mankind ;-)
Thanuja Arawandy
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Oct 11 2011: Well the gen of yesterday will say yes and Y Gen will deny. It's all about trying to figure out and use the gadgets. i am a middle-aged person and i fit in between. I enjoy both tech communication as of now i am able to tell my views of ur Q and i socialize with my family and friends which gives me personal touch and feeling of happiness and being connected. A perfect balance.

So sophisticated communication tech will not destroy our ability to connect to people on an emotional level as long as we know to strike a balance to the real people and walki talkies.....(tech)
Estrella Reyes
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Oct 10 2011: I agree with you. meaninglful conversations are almost nonexistent. now, most students, parents, humans, use technology as a way to communicate. technology should be used a s a last resort when you can't get a hold of someone, but if it is possible to talk in person, or face to face, thats where a real connection is made.
James Kindler 10+
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Oct 10 2011: I think if the meaning is explained in the text then it's okay but seldom is. However how accurate can that be without tone and expression, so I would agree that much is lost.
vince vernile
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Oct 10 2011: I think we should keep in mind that each indivdual's emotions ONLY exist within their OWN minds, and then, ONLY because one says they do. If you keep ALL your emotions to yourself, which is to say, we don't express them to others, (at all), then they truly do not exist within the context of the world.
Emotions are intangible, like 'hope', faith, guile, charm, vanity, greed, envy, love,etc..

As for our 'ability' to communicate on an emotional level, WE ARE ALL EMOTIONAL 'RETARDS'.
I apologise for the wording, I mean no insult or injury to anyone. And I include myself in that grouping.

On the other hand, technology IS physical, verifiable, transferrable, can be given, taken, etcetera. It is measurable, using a myriad of techniques.
And we can't make a device which 'feels' anything.

We are inept, ill-equipped, awkward tool-makers. We evolved using what worked, at the time, and by trying to make it easier or faster, in our struggle to exist, we evolved and prospered.(?). That is our genus.

Nevertheless, I DO notice a loss of emotional control and social skills (same thing?), as our common use of technology has increased. But we never really had a decent grip on these skills, anyway.

Maybe 'emotions' are a transient quality, in our species' evolution.

? If we installed a 'logic chip' into our brains, or an 'intelligence chip', would our own (individual) emotions be percieved as equally valuable as they are, presently? as controllable? as welcomed by others?
Or would we become more pragmatic, functional beings?
- Colleen Steen 200+
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  Oct 10 2011: Dear Vince,
  We already HAVE a "logic chip" and "intelligence chip" in our brains. We simply need to connect with them!
  
  Each and every one of us has the ability to ask the question..."is it more logical, sensible, enjoyable and intelligent to connect with people on line in virtual reality games", or "do I want to connect with individuals person to person, with emotion and intent?". Perhaps there is a balance?
Matthias Muenzer
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Oct 9 2011: this is a mild effect, a mild side effect, that I do not find concerning. Yes, it is there, but people continue to connect emotionally, continue to fall in love, continue to talk etc. Yes, while waiting on airports we can use our gadgets, instead of staring into the air ot gazing at income airplanes or instead of having anoher coffee. Does that really matter? I doubt it
- Colleen Steen 200+
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  Oct 10 2011: Hi Matthias,
  Personally, I have met several life long friends while sitting in airports, and I would never deny myself that opportunity. It's always a choice:>)
Aad Berkhout
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Oct 8 2011: Hello Salim I agree what you say but for me there is a fundemental difference between expressing emotions and transferring emotions. Let me explain myself with an example we probably all recognize:

As a child sometimes I got into fights with my classmates and often about trivial matters. When I could not win it with my hands I resorted to verbal abuse where children can be very hard to each other. Eye to eye with my adversary in the heat of the moment I could take it too far where I could see the tears behind the eyes of the victim. In those moments I could see and feel the hurt and as many of you may have experienced I sometimes felt the guilth within myself if I knew that I had gone too far.

Today young kids send each other text messages where the verbal abuse goes further then I could even imagine in my childhood. My statement is text messages (E-mail, MSN, Twitter etc.) can express emotions but they can not carry emotions.

I teach my children that if they have a dispute to face the person face to face and express what it does to them and not get in a verbal war by sending text messages.

My generation was brought up this way but the new generations should be taught to my opinion allthough the world has opened up to them with all these advanced comunication technologies it will never replace the arm around the shoulder or to look somebody in the eye and feel your really connected. Compassion comes from being able to connect with eachother.

As in your example of the friend you lost it it nice and good that you can express your emotions but it will not replace the feeling transferred if you could be there and put your arm around the shoulder in comfort of the ones left behind...even without words........
Salim Solaiman 50+
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Oct 8 2011: Same thing I was pondering quite sometime.
Two very recent events gave different realization.

Steve Jobs , passed away, I was not connected with him in anyway but I felt sad ....what's that then...is not that emotional connection some way

Luigi , our friend whom I came across in this forum only, had some exchanges in this very forum, yesterday heard Luigi is not there anymore through Jaime & Lindsay as they informed the news to other TED friend's here. I was shocked as if I lost my close buddy. Is not that emotional connection?

What we should call the effort of Jaime & Lindsay is not emotional connection
Debra opened up a one day TRIBUTE here in TED for Luigi....what is that ?
If I don't see some regular friend here for sometime , I ponder what happened to them....what is it ?

Are not in many instance living under same roof we lose all emotional connection with someone we are living with that can be parents, siblings, spouse , relative , friends etc.....is not that a huge disconnect being present physically in reality

So emotional bondage seems something beyond senses (touch, smell etc) with which we think we create connection

Agree with Matthieu what he said below about the re-inforcement of connection by technology...
- Colleen Steen 200+
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  Oct 10 2011: I agree Salim:>)
  Many times we give up emotional connection while we're actually living with someone. And I believe we CAN have emotional connections with people we communicate with on line. It is always our choice as to how we percieve and use the interactions. Technology can be a disconnect from emotions, or it could facilitate more advanced emotional connections.
  
  I have experienced more advanced emotional connections here on TED for example. The conversations I have with people around the world, and the connections by individual e-mails, tell me that there are many people "out there" who share many of my beliefs. That is a HUGE emotional boost for me, which I appreciate very much:>)
Deborah Harrison
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Oct 8 2011: I feel very differently than you . . . I observed Ramadan this year (though I am not Muslim) to honor the impending passing of the mother of a very close Internet-based friendship I have maintained with someone on the other side of the globe.
Jacob Miller 10+
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Oct 7 2011: It's already happening. Especially with the younger generation. And it's just gonna get worse.
Juliette Zahn 30+
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Oct 7 2011: The goal is that using technology to deliver information will improve functional efficiency and - free up- time to invest in emotional connection i.e. cultivation of friendships - hence improve and not diminish the quality of emotional contacts. Of course we are not there yet ;-) -- we are the transition generation -- as so well expressed by Colleen, the key is our mindful awareness. So depending on how we handle this transition the next generation will either grow closer and more emotionally connected...or else. Virtual connection is not actual connection....until of course technology gives us teleportation;-):-)
Colleen Steen 200+
- +2
Oct 6 2011: Technology will only destroy our ability to connect to people if we allow that to happen. Communication technology is a very valuable tool, and we have a choice as to how we use it. If people want to get "consumed with their gadgets", that is a choice s/he makes. If we are living mindfully aware of how and why we use the technology, maybe we won't get so attached to the gadgets, and will remember how important and enjoyable personal communications are:>)
- Aad Berkhout
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  Oct 7 2011: To your opinion what is needed to get the next generation mindfully aware? As i see in my work and own MT people are pre-occupied with their tools wich prohibits them to listen with full attention. Apps like twitter to me are in many cases used as Ego loudspeakers to the world sending out often useless information. I fear new forms of addictions to "social" media and as you know these can be hard to cure.
  - Colleen Steen 200+
    
    +1
    Oct 10 2011: Hi Aad,
    I wish I had the answer to your question! Modeling a behavior is the best way I know to send a message to myself and others..."be" what we want to "see" in our world. "Be the change we want to see".
    
    I agree that facebook, twitter, etc., are often used as ego loudspeakers...."look at me...see what I'm doing today"!!! How many on line "friends" indicates how popular and well liked we really are? That is all so superficial!
    
    One tiny step I've begun to take recently, is to ask friends NOT to call me while they are driving a vehicle. There are so many accidents, deaths and injuries caused when people are texting, talking on a cell phone etc. If it's an emergency...of course I will accept the call, but if it's just to chat, I will no longer do it. Some friends understand and some do not, and that is a choice they make. I can choose NOT to be on the other end of the line.
- vince vernile
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  Oct 10 2011: We must keep in mind, that the tools are in OUR hands, and we WILL get burned, if we let it happen.
  - Colleen Steen 200+
    
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    Oct 10 2011: Absolutely Vince!
    It is a choice we make as individuals. If a person chooses to be consumed with the gadget, it tells me that s/he probably doesn't have a very interesting life. A gadget cannot influence "our ability to connect with people on an emotional level". How we use the gadget can influence our life. It's a choice.
Matthieu Miossec 100+
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TED Translator Associate

Oct 6 2011: It'd be refreshing to read a post that isn't some damning of technology. Technology in many cases can actually reinforce the connection between people. As an analogy, think of the power of photography in sustaining certain emotions we have vis-a-vis certain people.
- Aad Berkhout
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  Oct 7 2011: I am not damning technology, I am also a user by using this platform, but We should not be blind for the side effects. And Matthieu the definition of debate is that you need not to agree to the post any comment is welcomed.
  - Matthieu Miossec 100+
    
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    TED Translator Associate
    
    Oct 7 2011: Oh of course, don't take it personally. ;-)
  - vince vernile
    
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    Oct 10 2011: I thank you, personally, for reminding us all, that we don't NEED to agree, to learn from each other, and for recognising that : 'HEY, there MIGHT be side-effects"...I wish the rest of the world had thought of that, before putting a lot of crap into world-wide production.
James Kindler 10+
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Oct 6 2011: I think it's destroying our communication now and this is why. I work in an office of about 24 people and we all have computers. It's expected for me to e-mail my supervisor with a question rather than go to her office, I'm more of a people person and find this hard to do. However if I go to her office or anyone in adminstration they say e-mail it to me, It's a pain in my butt and I want the human contact, it's a strain for me to act this way. Luckily I do training and public speaking and get a lot of interaction with people.
- vince vernile
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  Oct 10 2011: Would you agree: that tech-delivered messages ONLY deliver the message, not the meaning?
- Colleen Steen 200+
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  Oct 10 2011: James,
  On the other side of the coin, I refused to be pulled into the high tech communication systems for a long time. I do not even have a cell phone. My daughter, who is an EE in the computer business, gave me a computer, instant messaging, etc., because we could keep in touch regularly. My kids both live on the other side of the country, and we connect by phone and/or get together periodically. But with the IM and e-mails, we can connect daily. That is a HUGE gift for me:>)
  
  Although you say James, that the requirement for e-mailing within the office is a pain in the butt, perhaps you have found the balance with more personal interactions outside the office? I feel I also have a good balance with on-line communications and lots of personal interactions. I believe in using everything that is available to us to improve communications, and I am grateful for my computer and the additional communication opportunities it provides:>)
Siddharth Gupta
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Oct 6 2011: Materialism will servive in future...people will think only about their gadgets.....