TED Conversations

James Kindler

Mental Health Recovery Coordinator,

TEDCRED 20+

This conversation is closed. Start a new conversation
or join one »

How would you react if you suddenly had a serious mental illness at the age of 18 and could no longer control your own thoughts?

This is what happened to me and I'm curious to know how you all would deal with it. Keep in mind that it's a change for the rest of your life and the best you can do is manage it. It took over 20 years for me to get the illness under control with medication. Up until that point I heard voices for 13 of those years, was psychotic on a regular basis , depressed most of the time and isolated. I lost friends, relatives, my dignity and my place in society. It could land on your doorstep at any time and there is no going back, it becomes a part of your life. Over 20% of the population has a mental illness yet you treat us as if we were the only one. I've been disrespected, degraded, lied about and distanced from society. Now I have overcome the illness, I have no symptoms but have not forgetten the early days. I work fulltime now teaching doctors, residents, med students and people with an illness about the recovery model. I do a lot of public speaking and give trainings on the subject and I wonder what those who condemed me for having an illness would do if they got one themselves. The media has given us a very bad image and most people believe it, maybe here you can learn some truth. My passion in life is to help as many people as I can and teach the rest the truth about this subject. If you haven't guessed yet I have schizophrenia and it has been a teacher in my life. I will try to answer any questions any of you may have but it may take some time as I am very busy with work.

+2
Share:
progress indicator
  • thumb
    Oct 5 2011: One of the reasons such unreasonable fear of mental illnesses has taken over our societies is that we have put mental illnesses into a special category other than physiological disease. If your kidney does not work properly it does not produce its normal products- urine, blood pressure regulation, creatin clearance etc. properly and people accept that you are just sick and need help from medication and the medical establishment. Every organ has a set of outputs. Somewhere along the line we seem to have separated the physical brain into moral issues and superstitions. The brain is a physical organ. When something interferes with its proper function the disease is organic in nature- not a function of morality. People with mental illnesses have a physical illness and I wonder why we stereotype it and classify it differently. IN this case the very words we use really do damage.
    • thumb
      Oct 6 2011: Debra,
      Your comment is so incredibly sensible, logical, understanding, realistic and true. The brain is a physical organ, and suseptible to illnesses and damage, just like all other organs. It really bugs me when people bring morals, spirituality and religious beliefs into a discussion about mental challenges, and it can, as you say, "do damage".
      Thanks for your wise and insightful comment:>)
  • thumb
    Oct 5 2011: I can relate but from a different perspective. At eighteen, I had been involved with civil rights and anti-war efforts for almost 4 years. What my dis ease grew out of an understanding that we lived in the age of absurdity (Camus, Sartre and all) and we seem to only think from our heads and never our hearts. Thus the decades of moving away from any sense of wisdom and collectively towards greed and power. What I'm saying is better said in R. D. Laing's book, "The politics of experience", or David Orr's" Earth in Mind". Both deeply question our definitions of "normal" or healthy behavior in the face of what's true.

    If your not depressed, your not paying attention.
  • Oct 4 2011: Hi Colleen

    Stigma is one of the biggest barriers to recovery and if people understood that maybe they would be less likely to judge. It makes people feel bad about themselves and stands in the way of their getting well. They feel guilt and shame when they should not, they are made to feel as if it is a charactor flaw.
    • thumb
      Oct 4 2011: I understand, and I'm glad you are helping to educate us.
      Thank you for your kindness, understanding, energy and willingness to speak about this.
      • Oct 4 2011: Hi Colleen
        It's my pleasure, I hope that one day others like me will not have to go through what myself and others like me are going through.
        • thumb
          Oct 4 2011: I hope for the same thing James, and it is with the kind of education you are providing that we will learn how to act differently toward people who are facing this life challenge. Although I say I understand what you are saying, I cannot even begin to understand how it feels to be ostracized for something over which you have no control.

          Do you feel that your teaching is part of your healing? Do you feel that opinions are changing at all?
      • Oct 4 2011: Hi Colleen
        I think it's working but not fast enough and yes teaching is a big part of my healing. It helps me to let people know that I'm just like them where they might not give me the chance otherwise.
        • thumb
          Oct 4 2011: I think it's working too James, and change takes time...be patient with yourself my friend:>)
          Thank you for giving us the chance to know you better. It is a gift to all of us.

          I asked about healing, because my father was a very violent, abusive man, and nobody believed what went on in our home because he appeared to be very kind and charming outside the home. He also was a law enforcement officer, was supported by that dysfunctional system, and nobody believed that he would beat or violate his family in any way.

          For many years, I felt "different"...stigmatized because I came from a very disfunctional family. I thought everyone elses family was like the "Brady Bunch"...calm, peaceful, always having fun and loving.

          As an adult, I was invited to speak at the Univ. of Vt. on the topic of violence and abuse in relationships. I also studied and explored the topic extensively and worked with victims of violence, as well as offenders. All of this process was healing for me, and helped decrease the stigma I carried for a long time.

          I sincerely hope you are experiencing a similar feeling about yourself with the teaching process.
  • thumb
    Oct 3 2011: James, I would surely react with great fear. I cannot imagine anything so frightening as to be unable to rely on your own mind. I could only hope that someone somewhere would have compassion upon me and help me to get the meds I needed.
  • thumb
    Oct 3 2011: Over 20%? Is chronic depression considered a mental illness? Is ADHD considered a mental illness? Does that including mild forms of autism? Actually, if it was including mild forms of autism, then I suspect it would be far higher.

    Could the problem of understanding be caused to a mis categorization? It's difficult to sympathize on the one side, when others are diagnosed with a mental disorder when they appear and act no different then anyone else in society. We need to redefine our definition of "normal". Also, could there be an over exposure and dilution of what we call a "mental illness"? It seems that the term is being used every couple of days, and yet we are unable to determine when someone is functioning with the illness, or the illness is controlling them. Most of the diagnoses end up being based off of the doctors judgment. Where is the line drawn, that defines someone as having a mental disorder? This problem is exposed at every court proceedings where mental illness is being used as an excuse. The prosecution finds a doctor that says "no", while the defense is able to find a doctor that says "yes".

    And I completely agree that the media has given both mental illness, and physical disabilities a very bad image.
    • thumb
      Oct 4 2011: There is a whole variety of mental disorders with no way to categorize them in a proper way.
      Some brain dysfunction of a kind works out different in different people whether they are male female or the character of any person has to be add to it.
      Two of my children have those handicaps and my daughter has been diagnosed 6 times over for another disease. My son has schizophrenia but doesn't think of himself that way because he has known himself that way from birth. It is inconceivable for me that he can be cured in anyway. In that he is incomparable with James that claims to have overcome this.
      I think that we need another approach to mental disabilities and have stop giving them names.
      • thumb
        Oct 4 2011: I agree Frans, that there are many factors involved. Have you looked at the site James recommends? There are several videos, that are very informative. Apparently, many people can manage this dis-ease with medication and other practices.

        www.choicesinrecovery.com
        • Oct 4 2011: Thank you Colleen and it looks to me as if your done great with your obsticle also.
        • thumb
          Oct 4 2011: Thanks Colleen,
          I haven't looked into them yet.

          Both children have medicational treatments and my daughters is as good as anyone because of this. For my son it is a way to keep life livable. He doesn't suffer psychoses anymore and is functioning within his limitations very well. He is almost 40 years of age now and it isn't 10 years now before medication became an acceptable option.

          Before that we have suffered a lot of psychology.
        • thumb
          Oct 4 2011: I'v looked at the website a little.
          The video's contain a lot of familiar stuff.
          Maybe I've seen it all and lived it all and worse.
          I'm grateful though that we live better times now.
      • Oct 4 2011: Hi Frans
        Thank you for your comment. I just wanted to agree with you and think we need to move beyond labels. We have started a public service campaign in Pittsburgh called Drop the Labels. Actually I started it but we don't have it up yet, I hope it will help. I also wanted to say that one of the symptoms of this illness is a lack of insight into the illness, people don't believe they have it and maybe that is what your son is having problems with, I hope he gets better. Take care.

        James
        • thumb
          Oct 4 2011: Hi James,
          Yes, I'm doing good with my "obsticle" too:>)

          Although I can maybe relate a little bit to the uncertainty, frustration, and confusion, I cannot relate to the disrespect and degrading attitude of members of our society, and that feels very sad to me. To think of how many people in our world are not understood and accepted for having an illness they cannot control is mind boggling. My challenge was an accident, so it was understood more than your challenge, and I was accepted and loved in that condition, which no doubt greatly contributed to the healing process. We need to give that love and consideration to those we do not understand. We DEFINITLY need to move beyond labels. Thanks for helping all of us understand that labels and non-acceptance is not helping our society to evolve in a beneficial way.
      • thumb
        Oct 4 2011: It is very sad to know how many people in our world suffer because of lack of understanding.
      • thumb
        Oct 4 2011: Did you ever feel ashamed of yourself, over the fact that your son had schizophrenia?

        I see how closely mental and physical disabilities are treated by our society, and I know in many religious circles, having a disabled child, means that god is punishing the parents for their sins. Does that mentality stretch further, where parents feel ashamed if their child is not "perfect"? Where they second guess themselves on things that they could have done differently? So rather then having a lack of understanding or information on the topic, could the ignorance be self inflicted? A refusal to accept it, as people view it as a "failure"?

        Actually, a better question would be... Did anyone come up to you, and criticize you as a parent because your son had schizophrenia?
        • thumb
          Oct 5 2011: I never felt any shame but could feel a bit jealous for a moment as others were showing off with their children. And yes of course we were condemned as parents that were unable to raise a child. He was the eldest and as there came three more it became more obvious that he was different. The second one a daughter started with problems as she reached puberty and then again we had to be bad parents.
          We've seen a lot psychologists and here again the parents were scrutinized. My daughter that didn't know the answer either acknowledged everything they'd put her in the mouth and what looked like an explanation.
  • Oct 6 2011: Hi Debra
    I don't understand why people don't accept mental illness as a disease of the brain either. They always look at it as a charactor flaw or weakness and I am by no means weak.
    • thumb
      Oct 6 2011: James, Hello to you!

      Weak? You are anything but weak and your great goodness and courage in deciding to help others through bringing your condition out in the open makes me admire you even more! I am glad you are here on TED, James!
      • Oct 7 2011: Thank you very much Debra, that makes me feel good.
  • Oct 6 2011: Hi Adriaan
    The sites you gave me were helpful, I also believe we must treat our spirit and kindness does go a long way.
    • thumb
      Oct 6 2011: Treat and help is so much dependent on what we know or accept about it. This is whether we are working on a mind or a car. And to go on with that, the car runs on fuel but our mind runs on love.
      I'm sorry if I sent you this before but this is what I accept about the mind
      https://sites.google.com/site/liveitupspiritually/home/source/TheHumanMind.pdf?attredirects=0&d=1
      We can exchange just about any body part with that of an animal, it is our spirit that makes us different.

      This disconnection between the mind and the brain makes it possible to treat or regard disfuntions as those of other parts of the body. Our mind controls our brain. If the brain malfunctions, as a 'receiver', that connection with the 'sender' can really impede the output to the world.
  • thumb
    Oct 5 2011: Hi James, very sorry to hear about your challenges and disappointments in life. It is amazing how well you seem to have coped with it all, though.
    (Someday I'll get it right as to how to post a message longer than 2000 c.)
    All this is 100% related to my issue with today's society, including the medical industry (I call it that for a reason). One thing society does is follow the findings and reasonings science comes up with about life.
    Life is beyond this physical world and thus beyond science.
    I strongly believe we are spiritual beings in a physical body. Many people will agree with this but without knowing what that really means.
    It means we live in a spiritual world 'apart' from the world we see with our eyes.
    It means while living in that spiritual world we receive spiritual 'input' into our mind just as much as we get input from our natural senses. When we smell something this does not automatically mean we smell us. When we see a hat, this does not mean the hat is ours.
    In the spiritual world this translates into that the thoughts we get into our mind are not ours. The feelings that are generated are not ours. These are generated by the spirits around our spirit.
    So if we smell something bad we can move away. If we get unpleasant thoughts into our mind we can tell the source to get lost.
    The other day I was walking to work and on the way I was going to mail a letter with money to our grand-children. The thought came into my head that if I'd take the money out and keep it, no one would be the wiser and I'd have more money to spend. I chuckled and 'told' the jerk to get lost. It is amazing what we can do if we know what is ours and what is not.
    We can get thoughts into our mind talking us into committing suicide, murder, well anything we can possibly think of. but is how we react to these things which determines the outcome and our mental health.
    • thumb
      Oct 6 2011: Adriaan,
      With all due respect for your beliefs, thankfully, we use all the wonderful scientific discoveries. Have you noticed the actual topic of this comment thread? Have you noticed that James stated he has the illness under control with medication? That medication is a product of science. There is no point in trying to de-value science....especially on this page!

      In my perception, we do not "live in a spiritual world "apart" from the world we see with our eyes". In my perception it is all connected, so it does not serve any useful purpose to seperate these concepts. The thoughts in our mind are indeed part of us as we are in human form. This is not an appropriate place to preach your beliefs like "the feelings that are generated are not ours...these are generated by the spirits around our spirit". Sorry, but that makes no sense at all.

      People with mental challenges often cannot simply ""tell the source to get lost", and it feels unrealistic and unkind to present your theories, such as they are, on this page. I respect your choice to deny that the brain is part of you, I know that my brain is very much a part of me, and I suspect many other people share my belief.
      • thumb
        Oct 6 2011: Sorry to have come accros as 'preaching'. I think it is the reality of being human. We are very much indeed dependend on our brain and its health, but that also applies to the heart. I see the heart as a pump and the brain as a receiver. As simple as that. This means that any ailments of the heart are not influencing how people treat or love us. If we saw the brain the same way people might be easier in not condemning someone because their receiver does not seem to be working properly.
  • thumb
    Oct 5 2011: As they say on the choiceinrecovery site 'A medical sickness is the result of a condition of the brain'. That's right, good to know we are not our brain, wish they would know it too.

    Here is one site and one booklet that I hope will give some light. It is usually light that anables us to get a perspective..

    http://knol.google.com/k/schizophrenia-what-i-know-now#

    http://www.searchwithin.org/download/presence_spirits.pdf
    • thumb
      Oct 5 2011: Adriaan
      In the days of Swedenborg a lot of people suffered mental distortions due to repression of natural drives that was condemned by religion and through this by culture at large. Most of the time they had nothing to do with brain disorders.

      For a spiritual way to release mutilated souls out of distress you better study Ho'oponopono.


      http://www.ancienthuna.com/ho-oponopono.htm

      http://manaola.wordpress.com/2011/01/13/hooponopono-living-in-balance-part-1/
      • thumb
        Oct 14 2011: Sorry Frans but I have something that resonates with me. It is fully Bible based and impressed me tremendously with the connections (and parallels) it makes with God, male / female issues and of course marriage.
        I don't know what you base it on or why you brought up the mental distortions in Swedenborg's days. The cutting edge of medical know-how at the time was the use of bloodsuckers, and Swedenborg presented the left and the right brain.. go figure.
        IF you'd like to have an opinion on the subject may I suggest checking out this book of 473 pages that explains the spiritual level, word for word, of Genesis 1:1 to Gen. 9:26. Then their are 11 more that explains things to the end of Exodus. Please have a look,
        http://sites.google.com/site/liveitupspiritually/home/writings/Arcana%20Coelestia%2001.pdf?attredirects=0&d=1
        BTW This was the only reason for us to move from Holland to Canada.
        • thumb
          Oct 15 2011: Adriaan,
          What I can see as I look into that book is a nice attempt to make sense of the bible that in his days, of swedenborg couldn't be discussed as the only and true word of God.

          Happily a lot has changed in-between and we can neglect the existence of any bible with our endeavor to understand truth. It can only distort a clear inner sight.

          If you want to discuss any passage of his texts I would love to shine some light on it from a different perspective.
      • thumb
        Oct 16 2011: Thank you Frans, Some will complain that this is off topic but I see it as just a side branch :)

        Through Swedenborg (as we believe it) we are given a way to understand the Creation Story as having nothing to do with the start of this physical world. The seven stages someone goes through who decides to go from a natural to a spiritual person. A spiritual person is also depicted as the garden of Eden, the heavenly state of mind. Important in that state is the focus on the Lord (tree of life in the center) and not on earthly or selfish things (like the tree of the knowledge of good and evil).
        The serpent is our dependence on earthly or sensual information and proof.

        Adam and Eve are not the first people but the first believe 'systems' of humanity with Cain and Able two derivatives of that. Adam and Eve also depict the two mental sides of us all (our will and understanding)

        As an aside, the difference between a man and a woman is that a man approaches life primarily from his understanding. The woman does so primarily from her will. This should make them not opposing but complementary and attractive to each other.

        Cain and Able are different approaches to life. One believes in faith and charity, the other in faith without charity. The one without the charity kills the other.

        The first 11 chapters of Genesis are made-up history from a previous Word of God to depict the human spirit and its development. So there are the parable of Creation, Adam and Eve, Cain and Able and links to those are here:
        http://sites.google.com/site/liveitupspiritually/home/source/Par_AdamEve.pdf?attredirects=0&d=1
        http://sites.google.com/site/liveitupspiritually/home/source/Par_CainAble.pdf?attredirects=0&d=1

        Another thing is that both the Ark and the Tabernacle picture the human mind. One has three levels, natural, spiritual and celestial.
        Why the very detailed instructions for building the Tabernacle??
        Every single aspect has to do with our mind. Which items. their placement, color etc.
    • thumb
      Oct 5 2011: Adriaan,
      The brain is very much a part of our human form. To say otherwise looks silly.
      • thumb
        Oct 14 2011: Hi Colleen, sorry to be responding this late, but I just noticed it.
        I'm not quite sure what you refer to as the human form, or what I said that made you think I do not see our brain as part of us.
        Are you saying that your NDE took place inside your brain and nowhere else? That the 'experience' was nothing spiritual or on the spiritual level?

        What I have been saying all along is that we live in two worlds at the same time, the spiritual and the natural. That we share the basic materials of our body with most other life forms on this planet but that what sets us completely apart is our mind or spirit.
        I'd even like to think that something like schizophrenia is the result of a hyper sensitivity of the brain. That, as a faulty receiver, it picks up more 'signals' than it should.
        • thumb
          Oct 14 2011: Adriaan,
          You write..."As they say on the choiceinrecovery site 'A medical sickness is the result of a condition of the brain'. That's right, good to know we are not our brain, wish they would know it too".

          The brain is as much a part of the human body as any other parts. To say "we are not our brain" doesn't make any sense....it is part of us.

          I did not say anything about an NDE on this site because I do not feel it to be appropriate, just as I do not feel it appropriate to bring one's personal religious or spiritual beliefs onto certain sites.

          This topic is: "How would you react if you suddenly had a serious mental illness at the age of 18 and could no longer control your own thoughts". James tells us that he has his illness under control, and he is here to teach us by sharing his experience. I don't percieve him to be asking for religious/spiritual guidence.

          In other words Adriaan, I am aware of what you "have been saying all along", and what I've been saying, is that every TED site is not a platform for you to promote your personal religious/spiritual beliefs....ESPECIALLY when the topics are about mental illnesses, depression, suicides, etc. A person's personal religious or spiritual beliefs are not the cause or the cure for mental challenges. Thanks.
  • Oct 5 2011: Hi Alisa
    It's not known yet what causes it nor is there a cure, they think it might be genetic or virul but no studies have proved either. I do take medications to control my symptoms and it works great, I have not had any symptoms since 1997. Thank you for asking and take care.
  • Oct 5 2011: Hello James,
    I am so sorry that you experienced bad things, but still I am happy to know that now you can control your thoughts. Here is a question, What causes you to have schizophrenia? I mean why you had schizophrenia, what caused it? Also, did medicines help you to overcome it?
    Thank you.
  • Comment deleted

  • Oct 4 2011: Hi Benny
    It was no joy for me it was a nightmare, the voices would constantly put me down and yes I'm able to control my own thoughts now. No more hearing voices or any other symptom. Thanks.
  • thumb
    Oct 4 2011: congratulations! i hope your able to control your thoughts now.
    i hear thought control is a form of constant prayer.
    i am the only thinker in my mind.
  • Oct 4 2011: Hi Kavitha
    I think education is key and should start in high scool. I have gone to some universities to speak but only one high school, everyone needs to be educated on this subject because there are so many of us.
  • Oct 4 2011: Hi James,
    How could u made it possible.. its really rocking..Wt s the effecient way u rectified this problem?
  • thumb
    Oct 4 2011: Hi James sorry for what you suffered. And it is joyful to see how well you are now, great inspiration . As an answer to your question I would go tell it to mom either way. ( Firstly because she is a psychologist and then she would be the first one to notice the disorder)
    • Oct 4 2011: Your very lucky to have your mom in the field, none of my family or myself new what was going on, thank you for the comment.

      James
  • thumb
    Oct 4 2011: Dear James,
    I learned more about you and your challenge by watching the videos you provided the link for, which I appreciate very much. I have an incredible amount of respect for you and the way you faced this life experience. I am glad that you can now help educate others about this illness, and the fact that you can look at the illness as a "teacher" impresses me very much.

    You ask..."how would you react...how would you deal with it".

    I can connect a tiny bit with your experience, because I sustained a near fatal head/brain injury years ago. I went horse back riding one day as a mentally and physically healthy adult, and regained consciousness two weeks later in a child like state emotionally and physically, totally dependant on others for my needs, unable to make very simple decisions, unable to walk or talk. My family and I were told I would never function "normally" again. I had no idea what that meant to me for the rest of my life. I explored and researched many mental disorders, in an effort to understand my condition. One conclusion I came to, is that we all experience some kind of "abnormality" some of the time, at some level. We need to learn how to function in this life experience to the best of our ability at any given time, and use the experience as a teacher.

    Kudos to you my friend:>)
  • Oct 3 2011: I would try and do as you did, and hope that I had the strength to get through my ordeals and survive. On the other side, I would do what I felt I had passion for and what brought me happiness. I would look forward and try to seek out experiences that I thought might be interesting. I would connect with my family and try to change opinions and replace old memories with new.
    • Oct 3 2011: That would have been a good strategy, my family is what kept me going. I tryed everything you could think of to get better or even feel better, nothing worked. Finally a medicine did but it was a long time in coming. Thanks for the comment.
  • Oct 3 2011: Yes chronic depression is considered a mental illness as is ADHD and Autism is up in the air. It is very difficult to plead insanity even for someone like me, I know what I'm doing. The question was however, what would you do if you one day found you could no longer control your thoughts. I only ask because I didn't know what to do at first.