TED Conversations

This conversation is closed.

Do you think borrowing money from a friend can damage the friendship.Why/why not?

In my point of view, when a friend borrows money from his friend their friendship can be harmed. Among the friends could occur misunderstandings and so on. How do you think. Do you agree. Why?

Share:
  • thumb
    Oct 2 2011: In Hamlet Shakespeare said:" Neither a borrower not a lender be, for loan oft loses itself and a friend."

    I have lent money only to realize that someone else's definition of pressing need is some luxury that I could not personally afford. Most recently, I have a friend who borrowed money from a third friend who now needs his money back. She finds it inconvenient to return it so he is going without!

    My eldest son has a policy that I think covers it. Any money he shares with anyone is a "gift" and if it comes back it is a bonus. Thus he does not lend unless he can afford to give that money away.
    • thumb
      Oct 2 2011: Hi Debra . . . in regards to your son, I have the same policy with books. I had not thought about it with money. If I were to have that same policy with money, which I think is good, I would extend it to include that "gift" is not given to the same person twice. Agree?
      • thumb
        Oct 2 2011: Nice elaboration on the thinking as always Lynn. In answer, I think you are right. If the person chooses to repay the 'gift', the gift is always there for them a second or a tenth time. If they keep the gift there is no other. This seems fair and still allows us to help others.
    • thumb
      Oct 2 2011: Your sons policy shows a lot of wisdom and is actually backed up in the Jewish tradition of Jubilee where every 50 years all debts were forgiven, land returned to owners etc. Thanks for sharing
      • thumb
        Oct 2 2011: I love the concept of the year of Jubilee. Can you imagine how much better off the world would be in this time of financial crisis if we had a year of Jubilee?
        • thumb
          Oct 2 2011: I agree we would be better off and I think we would be more careful about how we lend money if we knew jubliee was a possibility. Maybe none of the bad mortgages would have happened in the US? Also, I think that countries might not spend more than they make since they could not sell or buy long term debt. Better financial management world wide. Maybe lower prices also :)
  • thumb
    Oct 2 2011: If one friend can not help the other, then it is not the real friendship in first place.
    • thumb
      Oct 2 2011: Great thought and friends should be very tolerant of the weaknesses of each other and supportive in times of need
  • thumb
    Oct 2 2011: As long as everything concerning the loan is clear and both stick to the commitment which was made it's all good.
  • thumb
    Oct 2 2011: Nobody likes a slacker. If you're one, borrowing money will spot you out for what you really are, and you'll be righteously cast out.
    Lend money around, everyone, it's time to find out if what you call your friends are ready to go out of their way to pay you back.
  • thumb
    Oct 10 2011: First there are two questions. 1- do you really need the money, or do you just want it? 2- are you certain you will be able to pay it back? monetary issues are no reason to create a barrier between friendships, however, if you lead you friend to believe you will pay it back when you know you won't, it most likely will ruin the friendship because they are trusting what you say. now if you were to borrow money, but let them know of the circumstances you are under, and tell them you're not sure whether you could pay it back, then it becomes their decision whether to lend you the money or not. But then, if you can't pay it back, you arent at fault, b/c they already knew that might happen.
  • thumb
    Oct 4 2011: depends on if you've got a real reason, how good of friends you are with this person, or if you'll ever pay it back...
  • thumb
    Oct 3 2011: If anything it depends on their personalities and how close they are as friends. Even then depending on the amount of money borrowed it could cause problems in a friendship if not paid back.
  • thumb
    Oct 2 2011: I agree and disagree. It can be harmed if you do not pay it back in the specified time and are found to be unfaithful. Thus, if you borrow money make sure you can pay it back when you both agree and if problems come up keep your friend in the loop and maybe they will have an answer to help you make the agreed time for repayment. Friends should be flexible, understanding, and think the best of you. If not then can they really be considered friends?
  • thumb

    . . 100+

    • 0
    Oct 2 2011: Hi Alisa,

    This is a very timely question. And it begs us to -think different- than has ever been -thought- before on the subject. Our time is desperately calling for constructive forward thinking - to avert a global human tragedy caused by the unprecedented financial storms -Think kind.
    • thumb
      Oct 2 2011: Good point Juliette,
      You remind us that there is a substantial up side to this. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Caring for and helping out friends when they need us most might be the real definition of being a friend.
      • thumb

        . . 100+

        • 0
        Oct 2 2011: Hi Debra,

        I love your son's idea of giving the loan to his friend as a "gift". That is the sign of a grand soul and completely "outside the box" that banks have been thinking in, since this economic crisis hit our planet.
        I imagine we may have a large number of people in our social sphere. Yet in terms of "friends" how many can each one of us count on our hands?? I am assuming that in this forum we all agree that loaning money to an alcoholic friend to buy more alcohol is the opposite of friendship, as is deciding to ignore them and their issues. Whereas spending time with him/her, going with him to AAA meetings and helping him/her get out of their depression by seeing their own worth is the definition of friendship.
  • thumb
    Oct 2 2011: My friend always borrows money from me,that's annoying.Though she returns timely,I'm still not very happy.As far As I'm concerned,if it were not the hardest pitch,don't borrow money.That may spoil your friendship.
    • thumb
      Oct 2 2011: Have you ever told that friend NO? maybe you could look into that persons finances and see if you could help them be better organized and better timed. That could be a great act of friendship?
      • thumb
        Oct 3 2011: I have said no. It destroyed the friendship faster then if I had said yes. I believe the stumbling point, was when my "friend" demanded an answer as to why not. They were not pleased with my response.
        • thumb
          Oct 3 2011: Then I have to question if there ever was a friendship or if you were just being used? That is a decision only you can make.
  • thumb
    Oct 2 2011: I think it depends on how much money your letting your freind borrow and how many times have you borrowed money? Once is ok, if its not alot of money cause thats what freinds are they get you out of tough situations and I think its ok as long as the freind pays back the money in a timely manner but if the behavior of borrowing money persists and the freind takes advantage of that than that person isnt really your friend.
    • thumb
      Oct 3 2011: Maybe if it is not the first time then a review of the friendship is in order. Sometimes a hand out is not the best thing if there is not responsibility on the other persons part to stay out of tough situations after the first time. Maybe the best thing is a loving NO. You are my friend but this is the second time and you need to be responsible for yourself and your spending. I will help you become responsible by saying NO and helping you find a better way to control your finances.