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Daarshinie Nadarajan

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How do you find the strength to let go and move on in life?

Some people thinks that its holding on that makes one strong, sometimes its just letting go. But how???

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    Sep 27 2011: Hi Daarshinie, There are times in life when you can hardly move one foot ahead of the other. At times like this remember that life is long and this is just one stage. In order to go on we need to do something called cognitive reframing. That means that instead of seeing the situation through the same old lens, we have to try to see it in a new way. That includes looking for whatever opportunities this change might have the potential to open up in your life. For a personal example, at the end of my almost 30 year marriage, I was utterly devastated and I could not see what my future was going to be. I was convinced that all of what was important in life had come to an end. Now a couple years later, I can see not only a good future but a wonderful one that would never have been possible if I had stayed where I was in that marriage. I know, I know it sounds like pie in the sky but I promise you it is true.
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      Sep 27 2011: Go Debra!!!!! You showed us a good example of how life can be if we are willing to think positive and work our way out of problems.I am so proud of you. =)
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      Sep 28 2011: Thanks for sharing Debra. You should be very proud for where you are right now. :)
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    Sep 28 2011: Try this teaching: embody the present completely. Most of us feel incomplete like we are still searching for something and most of us dont know what that is with the infinite distractions of reality. The reason man/woman has an unquenchable appetite is because the mind creates the illusion that materialism will fill the void inside of them when that is far from the truth. This is because private ownership is an illusion no matter how many legal documents you have no matter how much you want a material object it will never truly be yours. The only way to fill this gap in the self is to grasp onto what you can have. There is something all of us have that few of us pay attention too. That is the present. You must embrace the present for that is all that one can really truly have. The past is done and the future is uncertain. Do not waste your time trying to reach the horizon as it will only lead you back to where you started and still remain in the distance. What i mean by fully embracing the present is to love the sweet times as much as you love the bitter times. Make the two one. I know this is difficult but if you practice this it begins to fill the void that is where your soul should be. The mind tries to take you away from this and control you with emotion but you must not let this happen. Dont think so much. Just feel and experience, become your senses.
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      Sep 28 2011: Thanks Brennan for sharing. You say that to move on I have to embrace the present. What if there is nothing i feel grateful for at this moment?
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        Sep 28 2011: You have the opportunity to experience that at the very least. =] You exist and therefore you are true. Is that not something to be happy or grateful about? Lets talk hypothetically say that there was a being who could not exist. They would truly have nothing. They would love the opportunity to feel pain. I ask you this question would you know pleasure with out pain? Light without darkness? Night is only an illusion caused by the rotation of earth. The sun will always shine again. Without night the beauty that exists in the landscape of an illuminated city in the dark would not exist. You have everything to be grateful for. Literally everything! Its your own choice if you choose to reject something that is unpleasant but know in doing so you limit your ability to experience life fully. Everything will be fair in the end even if it doesn't seem that way now.
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        Sep 28 2011: I have been in that place, Daarshinie where you feel as though there is nothing to be grateful for and you have to force yourself to think this way. Martin Seligman, the guy who defined Learned helplessness as a human condition and went on to found positive psychology has a tip for this. Every night before bed just write down 3 things that went well that day. It doesn't have to be profound things. Some days it is as mundane as the traffic wasn't as bad on my way to work, I got a chance to drink my coffee while it was hot and The movie I rented was OK. It will help you start to think that not everything is falling apart in your life, not everything is painted dark blue with your pain. Just getting yourself to lift your head works to help you see that the sun is still shining on the planet and that it might shine inside your heart again if you just hold on.
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          Sep 28 2011: Hey Debra ... I will definitely start writing down what I'm happy for for the day. Hopefully that will be a start :)
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    Sep 27 2011: You ask Debra Smith.
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      Sep 27 2011: Are you supportive or are you just being mean? If it's the last one, please, make sure you share your way!

      EDIT: Thanks for cleating that out! :)
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    Sep 28 2011: I know a lot of people have found their way on in life with the good advise of Byron Katie.
    Maybe you look at it.

    http://www.thework.com/index.php
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    Sep 28 2011: Brennan, interesting words I agree with what you are saying. However, you talk about the 'Truth' or just 'being' is enough and that we should embrace that. If only it were that simple - that in itself takes a lot of mental strength when you are being bombarded with the emotions, obligations and responsibilities of daily life. Most of the time I want to just be 'happy with my lot' and look at the past as a learning experience. But some days I have to acknowledge that I am just a bunch of chemicals and cannot be happy. Often I will need a day or two to find the strength and develop a plan (and that may be as simple as actually getting out of bed). To find mental strength sometimes you need physical rest, sometimes you need an ear to listen and sometimes the daily routines are enough to get you going. Small steps and expect and acknowledge relapses as part of being human. Don't be too hard on yourself, it can only be done in your own time. ooo and I forgot to say - Daarshinie, you don't have to 'let go' but rather change the way you think about it, I find that looking at hardships (whatever they maybe) as learning experiences helpful. For example I was in a physically and mentally abusive relationship for years - but I left... there in lies the positive! I learned lot of things from that relationship from how to cook :-) to how to deal with people who have manipulative tendencies. It's all about what you do with that experience afterwards.
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    Sep 28 2011: Have you seen this? www.truthcontest.com

    Click on the entry called β€œThe Present.” Its a interesting 100 page book. The writing(grammar style and proofreading) is not very good, but what it says will turn this world around. You will see what I mean when you read the first page.
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    Sep 27 2011: The strength is in Love. You must realize that you are not in control that love is. Do not fight it or deny for that will lead to pain and suffering. If you can embody love and truth you will have infinite strength. As corny or cheesy as that may sound. My friend Love is simply Truth. Truth never dies; love never dies. Many people in this world mistake God for a deity(or multiple). God most simply put is: truth. Know Truth; free your soul and rest your mind. Something cant come from nothing unless everything is nothing and nothing is everything. Only that which is, exists; only truth is exists. Three principles govern all of creation: that which is, that which is not, and that which is nothing. Nothing is the empty vessel which truth fills. It is the very same principal that determines your ability to read my text. The contrast of black and white shows you the text. One cannot exist without the other. People ask which came first the egg or the chicken. The only true answer is they are one in the same. Because, how can one exist without the other True or false? The entire relationship of reality is love. Please read the website below if you wish to understand more my friend. Just know that everything will take care of itself it always has and always will. Pain is only temporary love is forever. Peace and love be with you.
    Truthcontest.com
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    Sep 27 2011: What do you want to let go of?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEF_-IcnQC4 Sometimes this helps. :)
  • Sep 27 2011: Well, As Debra mentioned, looking at the half full glass instead of the half empty glass. Look at babies or children, they are fascinated with an object or a toy or a game and want to hold on it and move on to the next one when they find something more interesting and attractive. As adults, our toys differ, but in the end , we also look at more challenging or more fascinating object to move on ...well it could be job, car, etc etc.

    cheers
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    Sep 27 2011: Looking and focusing on brighter side of anything.........