Silvia Marinova

This conversation is closed.

Joke if you have to ...

We all feel uncomfortable sometimes.
We all agree that humour makes us more relaxed.
We can also try to see beyond the good laugh and feel the healing.

So share a joke: a good one, a fav one, a dumb one if you feel like it. Just get into the fun and let us laugh out loud. :) Here's the first one from me:

A cow is climbing up a pine tree.
A crow sees it and asks:
Where are you going?
To eat peaches.
But this is a pine tree - there are no peaches here!
Don't worry I bring them.

*TED Conversations Admin Edit*
Please respect the TED.com Terms of Use and refrain from posting off-topic comments and derogatory messages of any kind.

Thank you.

Closing Statement from Silvia Marinova

Thanks everyone for participating! Nothing better than a good laugh. :D

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    Sep 14 2011: Saw this today and it made me smile:

    Broccoli: I'm not happy with my look... I look like a tree.
    Mushroom: Well I look like an umbrella....
    Walnut: That's not so bad - I look like a brain!
    Banana: Can we please change the topic?
  • Sep 15 2011: How can a joke posted in a topic made for jokes be off topic?Here is one that I found that makes me laugh:

    A man joins a big corporation as a trainee.The first day at work, he dials the canteen and shouts into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"

    The voice from the other end said, "You fool! You've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

    "No," replied the trainee.

    "It's the company CEO!"

    The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to?!"

    "No." replied the CEO angrily.

    "Good!" replied the trainee, and hangs up the phone
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    Sep 22 2011: 5 out of 3 people do not know fractions.
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    Sep 16 2011: I laughed at Andy's joke and it reminded me of this one.

    Four young mothers and their children were in group therapy in a Psychiatrist's office.
    The Dr. started the session by saying to them "You are all dealing with obsessions and it is affecting your children."
    He turned to the first and said, "You Margot are obsessed with eating. It even manifests in the name you gave your child which is Candy".
    "You, Helen, are dealing with an obsession with money and so you named your child Penny."
    "And you Andrea are dealing with an obsession with alcohol so you named your child Brandy".
    Suddenly the fourth woman stood, took her child by the hand and left the room. In the hallway she was heard to say "Come along Dick, lets go get Peter and Willy and go out to eat. That guy doesn't know what he is talking about!"
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      Sep 16 2011: Oh dear. :) I'm maxed out on thumbs up for you this week but this is just hillarious. :D I wonder what the name Emma that I've chosen means. :DDDD
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    Sep 30 2011: Hi Silvia,
    Here's one for the weekend :)

    It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So John heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
    "Hello?" says a little girl's voice.
    "Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says John. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
    "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred."
    After a brief pause, John says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Fred, honey!"
    "Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
    "Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Fred that my car's just pulled up outside the house."
    "Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
    "And what happened?"
    "Well, Mommy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."
    "Oh, my God! What about Uncle Fred?"
    "He jumped out of bed too, and he was all scared, and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."
    There is a long pause."Swimming pool? Is this 555-3097?"
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      Oct 1 2011: That's a great one Astra. :) Really made my weekend better there. :) I have heard another version of this with a gangster. Still this one is very funny too! Thanks for posting! :) Enjoy my new story above!
  • Sep 21 2011: Every year at the Edinburgh Fringe Comedy Festival, there is an award for the ten funniest Jokes, as voted by audiences. Anyway these three make me smile.

    1.Nick Helm – “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.”

    2. Tim Vine – “Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”

    3. Hannibal Buress – “People say ‘I'm taking it one day at a time.’ You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works.”
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    Sep 15 2011: @admins: is this really off topic? I consider making a good joke an intellectual and creative challenge, surely in the interests of TED's philosophy. I, like Sylvia, also consider humour an important coping mechanism for difficult times, and if the members can provide each other with humourous insights, all the better!
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      Sep 15 2011: Andy, the TED Admins were not stating that this topic is off-topic. It's an awesome topic! They stated that anyone participating in this topic should remain respectful and on topic.
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        Sep 15 2011: Hence my confusion :-) I hadn't noticed any comments on the topic which were disrespectful or off topic at the time the admins edited (at which point mine was the only comment). As they'd posted the edit on the topic description it seemed to be directed at the topic rather than on any posts that had been made. The admins can surely trust us to be respectful without needing to tell us in advance that we should be :-)
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          Sep 15 2011: Well Andy, everyone's humor level is different and some may see a joke as funny where others might see it as offensive. It's only a friendly REMINDER to be respectful, which one can easily lose sight of when joking.
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    Oct 9 2011: Got one from a friend that I found very witty.....which comes below

    3 Apples changed the world

    1st one screwed up Adam & Eve
    2nd fell on Newton, so the start of New Physics
    3rd was offered to the world a bit bitten of by Steve Jobs
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      Oct 9 2011: It had to be your joke, Mr. Solaiman :-)

      My sentiments exactly, apple is the best thing that happened to technology. Apple is technology.
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        Oct 9 2011: Ha ha Thanks Ms. Eisner for your confidence on me , but I just polished with couple of words, otheriwse it's a copy paste

        Well here comes another (copy paste from memory)

        Once in a very chilly winter day , a bird wanted to fly to a warmer place, so started it's journey......
        After sometimes it got so frozen that it fell down in a field.
        A cow while passing by, dropped some dung on it.
        The bird smelled something very bad and about to be angry, but felt it's warm.
        After sometime the bird being inside dung got back good strength, so thought as "I got back life, I should let others know that I am alive" so started singing
        A cat was passing by, being curious of source of the song , it removed the dung to find the singing bird.
        Happy cat , found a good hunt , so ate the bird

        Moral
        Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
        Not everyone who pulls you out of shit is your friend.
        Most importantly , when you are in deep shit , keep your mouth shut.
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          Oct 9 2011: Salim, wonderful contribution. :) Thank you for both your jokes!
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        Oct 10 2011: You are welcome Silvia ..... here comes an equation ......might get some reasons to laugh :)

        Smart Woman + Smart Man = Romance
        Smart Woman+Dumb Man = Affair
        Smart Man+Dumb Woman= Pregnancy
        Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marraige
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    Sep 25 2011: Hi Silvia,
    Apparently these were real headlines:

    1. Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
    2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
    4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
    5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
    6. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    7. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
    8. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
    9. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    10. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
    11. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
    12. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
    13. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
    14. War Dims Hope for Peace
    15. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
    16. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    17. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    18. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
    19. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
    20. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    21. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
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      Sep 25 2011: Oh, my ... if those were REAL ones I can't imagine what the made-up ones would be! 0.0
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      Oct 9 2011: I am out of thumbs, thanks for sharing these, ha, ha!
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    Sep 18 2011: Great post Silvia. Laughter= multi-vitamine :)

    That’s once
    A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

    The husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."

    "We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."

    "We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

    I shouted at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you crazy?!?" She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."

    "And from that moment.....we have lived happily every after."

    :D
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      Sep 22 2011: Nice post too, Astra! I'm very glad you enjoy the jokes. Have fun. :) Laughter is like multi-vitamine. :)
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        Sep 23 2011: Hi Silvia,
        I actually like jokes so much I have built up quite a collection over the years and enjoy sharing them with friends and family on a regular basis. By email, that is, because for the life of me I can’t seem to remember them when it really matters…for example at gatherings with friends when everyone takes turns in telling jokes and funny stories. Maybe I was an undervalued stand-up comedian in a previous life who vowed adamantly not to be funny in the next life :)
        At one time I also used it as a foreign language teaching tool. Students had to be able to tell a funny story or joke (between 1-2,5 minutes) hereby testing their language proficiency, speaking skills, presentation skills and creativity. They really enjoyed that.
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          Sep 23 2011: Hi, Astra. I'm the same way ... I don't seem to remember jokes when I hear them but I love listening to funnies so much! That thing about teaching is great. I'm looking forward to putting it into practice this school year. :)
          Here's another joke:

          Dialogue in a pub:
          Why do you drink so much?
          To drown the grief.
          Does it help?
          Noooo, the more I drink the better it swims.
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    Oct 10 2011: Thanks for this idea, Silvia. It is healthier than discussing healthcare... nothing like a good laugh!

    So, in the spirit of health, here are some diet jokes...
    ~ The most fattening thing you can put in your banana split is a spoon.
    ~ The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat, it's watching what everybody else is eating.
    ~ How do you get a chocolate box home from the store on a hot car? You eat it in the parking lot.
    ~ "What are you going to do when you get as big as your dad?", "Diet!", said the boy.
    ~ Eat a bar of chocolate before each meal. It will take away your appetite.
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    Oct 9 2011: Two strangers met coincidently & they started exaggerating about their wealth.

    Mr A: I have got enough money to buy the whole world.
    Mr.B: Well I have no plans to sell my lands now.
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    Oct 1 2011: A Hollywood director was filming an important film in the desert when an old Native-American came up to him and said 'Tomorrow rain.' The next day it rained.
    A few days later, the director was talking to the camera man about the next day's filming. The Native-American went up to him and said 'Tomorrow storm.'
    He was right again, and he saved the director thousands of dollars.
    The director was very impressed and gave the old man a job.
    The old man continued to predict the weather correctly, but then he didn't come for three weeks.
    The director was planning to film an important scene tomorrow and he needed good weather. So he went to look for the Native-American. When he found the old man, he said, 'Listen I have to film an important scene tomorrow. What will the weather be like?' The old man shook his head and said, 'Don't know. Radio broken'.
  • Sep 27 2011: I also don't remember many jokes, but here are two I like:

    A man looking for work knocks on the door of a fancy-looking house. The owner says, "Yes, you can paint my porch" and gives him a can of white paint and a brush. Less than an hour later the man knocks on the door again and says "I'm all done ... but it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari!"

    And some black humour: I want to die quietly and peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not like the screaming people in the car he was driving.
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    Sep 24 2011: They asked radio Erevan:
    What operational system does the Matrix work with?
    WINDOWS, of course. - answered the radio - Otherwise there wouldn't have been a SYSTEM FAILURE in the end of the first part and the sequel wouldn't have been called RELOADED. :)
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    Sep 23 2011: This one is for the lexicophiles:

    - Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
    - He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
    - A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
    - If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
    - Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
    -The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
    -A short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a short medium at large.
    -When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
    - When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
    -Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
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    Sep 15 2011: This was by a comedian, forgot his name:

    "When I told them I was going to be a comedian everybody laughed, they're not laughing now."
  • Sep 15 2011: Here's a good one -

    Barack Obama.

    SEP
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    Oct 6 2011: Why is T like an island? ... Any clue? :)
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    Sep 23 2011: At a cashier in a cinema:
    Why are you buying a ticket for the third time?
    What am I supposed to do? There's an idiot at the check in who takes them!
  • Sep 21 2011: What's the difference between Tintin and the Captain Haddock?

    - There's no difference, both have a beard, except Tintin.
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    Sep 18 2011: Two men walked into a bar.

    The third one ducked.
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    Sep 17 2011: Three freinds met together after many days since they left school. All are creationist and highly successful in their field. One Enginneer, another designer the last one politicians.

    After their intial excitement of being together they started talking about the universe and how it came in todays form. One point they started which profession god created first as all of them loves what they are doing.

    Unanimous agreement was that everything was haphazard before GOD created universe in todays form.

    So the Engineer announced GOD definitely created Enginner first because he has to construct everything in order.
    Designer jumped in .... told hold on, before you could construct , GOD created designer so that you can construct those in order as per design
    Politician announced , friends you agreed everything was haphazard, so who did that then at the begining.........
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    Sep 17 2011: What are cats?
    1. They do whatever they want whenever they want.
    2. They never listen.
    3. They are unpredictable.
    4. They complain if they aren't happy.
    5. If you want to play with them they want you to leave them alone.
    6. When you want to be left alone they want to play.
    7. They consider you obliged to guess all their wishes in advance.
    8. They are headstrong and their mood changes inexplicably.
    9. They leave hairs everywhere.
    10. They are driving you crazy.
    What's the moral? These are little women in cats. :)
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    Sep 15 2011: A man buys cigarettes and starts smoking in the shop.
    Shop assistant: Sir, you can't smoke in here!
    Man: But you sell cigarettes in here.
    Shop assistant: So? ... We also sell toilet paper!
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    Sep 15 2011: Corvida, absolutely, people have different senses of humour and should take that into account when posting. But my original point was simply that telling people not to be "off-topic" on a joke thread seemed out of place. What is "off-topic" in a joke? Seems like one of the few areas where there is no on- or off-topic :-)
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      Sep 15 2011: Gotcha. Your comment makes more sense to me now. I hope I was able to provide some clarity.
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      Sep 15 2011: Give us a joke, please! Both of you - Andy and Corvida. :)
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        Sep 15 2011: Three guys find a genie's lamp and give it a rub. Out pops the genie, who says "Thank you for freeing me! Normally I give three wishes, but there's three of you so it'll have to be one each, I'm afraid!"

        First guy: "No problem, genie. Can you get me to Jamaica, on the beach with a cocktail in my hand?". Genie snaps his fingers, and the guy's gone.

        Second guy: "I've always wanted to be a rock star. Can you get me a recording studio with a swimming pool and an awesome band?". Genie snaps his fingers, it's a done deal.

        Third guy: "Wow...so many things to choose from...you know, I'm not sure what I want. Those other two guys had cool ideas. Can you bring them back to help me decide?"...Genie snaps his fingers...