Kent Spencer


This conversation is closed.

Is love real?

I really would like to hear you answers

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    Sep 13 2011: I believe love is as real as we choose it to be. If we deny the existence of love out of fear or self-protection, we will not see or experience it. If we choose to continually open our hearts, we will discover a deepening love within ourselves even if others do not respond. Adult love is a decision, a choice that determines what we experience as "real" in our world.
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      Sep 13 2011: Yes, love is the answer to solve all
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        Sep 14 2011: I agree wholeheartedly with you. Take any problem, difficulty, struggle, conflict, make a commitment to love and you will find a solution.
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      Sep 13 2011: Yes, love is the answer to solve all
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      Sep 14 2011: Hi Bob,

      I see we have similar views on love ... I posted my response before I read yours. It seems mine is redundant.
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        Sep 14 2011: Love is always fresh, new, and challenging. Choosing love is never redundant in my mind.

        I agree with your point that love is more than emotion or feeling (these are effects of love).

        I also agree it is not a biological response to a stimulus (this is like defining a great painting by counting the brushstrokes).

        I do believe however that love does exist as an independent entity (God), I believe love always chooses us and that we are always "worthy" because of an innate capacity for love which can be tapped at any time simply by choosing to do so.
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          Sep 14 2011: Hi Bob,

          So you see love and God as independent of self?

          You are "here" and love (or God) is "there?"
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    Sep 13 2011: If I had to believe in one phenomenon with little scientific evidence, it would be love. Would scientists disagree with me? Probably, but so be it. I can not think of a better cause to be passionately "wrong" about.
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      Sep 13 2011: You just made my day, Christopher!
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      Sep 13 2011: Can't agree with you more, Christopher. :)
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      Sep 13 2011: Brilliant and very true. Well said :)
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    Sep 13 2011: The question suggests you have a suspicion it might not be?
    Certainly, the love for one's children is real. It's genuinely unconditional, for many years unreturned, and tends to involve personal sacrifice.
    Our love for our family and friends seems as real but maybe a little bit more dilute.
    Our love for all humanity around us, again, as real but perhaps a notch more dilute.
    But, if we take the case of the absence of love - whether horrendous acts of violence or casual coldness to passersby or romantic heartbreak - we certainly feel that absence to be real.... So I guess if the absence of love feels real, the presence of love must be too?
  • Sep 13 2011: Yes, love is real. It is like in the Velveteen Rabbit, the children's book, the only way to be real is to be loved.

    Once you are real you cannot be unreal again. When you find someone who makes you real, who lets you be real, you know you have found love.

    It is nice to be real.
  • J Ali

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    Sep 13 2011: If love wasn't real then I would easily love anyone I wanted, any time I wanted and at any place... So if one says love isn't real....ask them to ''love'' you immediately....!


    Love is for everyone though.....
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    Sep 13 2011: Dear-Dear Kent…
    My guts instinct tells me that the answer to your question is 'Nope',

    and yet I consider myself the most loving person I know…

    I think that Love is not Real, Kent.

    'Real' derived from Latin 'res' meaning 'thing', 'matter'.
    this gives the word (if you look it up in the dictionary)
    the definition of genuine, actual, absolute, seriously, true, and so forth.
    Love cannot be (as I've experienced it)
    this earthy and earthly thing you can touch and make real,
    But a thing you can only Know.

    Even the definition of Feeling or Sensation – is not in place.
    that is only the way to show it, "deal" with it, 'make sense' of it.

    I read the comments here and if you pay attention to their choice of words,
    you can know that Love makes out different things to different people.

    You also Know that the words that you don't hear here are:
    madly, insane, crazy, hate, cruel, painful, in/out of
    – and even lust, fussy, worm...

    This must mean that Love is much more complex than "just" something 'real'.

    Love is engulfing.

    I read here about science so I have to point out that neurology correlates and associate Love
    with absolute findings in the brain (ventral tegmental and caudate areas),
    which mean that our body Realy show signs of
    cravings, pleasure and motivation out of Love.
    So science's conclusion:
    we show signs of mental and physical instability (much like schizophrenia, parkinson's, adha),
    addictive and abusive behavior, a 'high' effect (dopamine overflow) etc.

    Again we see that Love makes us insane-addicts capable of…everything.

    And here is my conclusion of all that:
    Love matters.
    We need it, we like it, we'll do anything to get it and it fills us.
    I'm not saying it's good or bad.
    I just don't think it's Real.

    It's like God or a Deity:
    we have to Know it
    in order to feel a little bit more senseful and alive.

    By the way, Kent:
    It feels grate!

    Good-Luck, homey!
    with love,
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    Sep 13 2011: various other states of consciousness seem real, so ya i would say so.
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    Sep 13 2011: Must ponder before giving an answer! (to be continued ...)
    Here's what I think

    Sonnet 116 William Shakespeare

    Let me not to the marriage of true minds
    Admit impediments. Love is not love
    Which alters when it alteration finds,
    Or bends with the remover to remove:
    O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
    That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
    It is the star to every wandering bark,
    Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
    Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
    Within his bending sickle's compass come:
    Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
    But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
    If this be error and upon me proved,
    I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

    And he has written and every man has loved. You may not know it yet but you will.
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      Sep 14 2011: Thanks for this Silvia. You should have one more thumbs up but I am all out for you for this week!
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        Sep 14 2011: Yeah, I'm maxed out on thumbs up for you too. :D Nevertheless I think Shakespeare was quite right there. ;) Genius so ahead of his time! Poetry has been a longterm passion of mine and what better explanation and evidence of love can we find, right!
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      Sep 14 2011: You went to the right source Silvia,
      And for another source to reveal the mystery of love I recommend the following:
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        Sep 14 2011: Maxed out on thumbs up for you too! How did that happen. :( Thanks so much for the suggestion it's really great and I must look into it in more detail. :)
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    Sep 13 2011: yes, it sure is. It may not last forever as romantic love but love - the kind where you are willing to put your life force behind the life of another person for their best is real.
    I hope you experience it.
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    Sep 13 2011: Love is the only thing real.
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    Sep 16 2011: Kent --

    Yes. Love is utterly real. Absolutely, positively.

    Best of all -- it's "renewable," "replicable," and provides great returns on "investments."

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      Oct 9 2011: Thank you Andrea for your sensible comments. My partner of 37 years is still my best friend. He is the holder of all my secrets. He separates the wheat from the chaff when I talk to him, and is able to completely ignore the chaff (including the occasional rock!) When I am down he brings me up, when he is down I bring him up....
      Is this love? I think so.
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    Sep 16 2011: Yes love is real. It's called oxytocin and it exists within our brain. It's a trick our brains use to help sustain our species' existence.
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      Sep 16 2011: Hi Cole, do you think that reducing it to one hormone reduces its reality a bit?
      I have lived the 'whoosh' of falling in love with a newborn baby that is induced by oxytocin and it was an absolutely lovely experience.. Long after the oxytocin has worn off though, I am still loving those babies who are wonderful adults.
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        Sep 16 2011: I'm not sure I understand the question. I don't think love is something that people should avoid, I was just explaining its purpose.
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          Sep 17 2011: Cole
          Love is the spiritual side of gravitation.
          If you avoid it you never enter the atmosphere of life.
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          Sep 17 2011: I think the point those of of us with a romantic bent are making is: Life is holistic - the experience is greater than the sum of its parts.

          The parts are real. As is the experience.

          (Unless we want to get into one of those metaphysical discussions ... then anything goes.)
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        Sep 17 2011: Debra
        I see where you are going with this. If I had to bet, I would say, in a thousand years there will be people telling tales of love, but oxytocin would be thought of as nothing more than superstitious old nonsense, much like we see the 4 humours.
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      Sep 17 2011: QUOTE: "Yes love is real. It's called oxytocin..."

      Oxytocin is one of many neuromodulators. It is associated with, amongst other things, bonding, particularly maternal bonding with an infant (it is released in large amounts during birth and breastfeeding.) As such, the sensations it engenders are commonly associated with what we typically call love.

      It is a component of a much larger and more complex neuromodulatory system that mediates all emotional behaviour.

      I agree, what we most often refer to when we use the word "love" is actually the effect of neuromodulators within a "system" (that would be us.)

      And it is a fair definition - and real.

      It is not, however, how I define love.

      I prefer a the more poetic expressions ... and in some ways see them as more "real" than a flush of phenylethylamine and a chemical cocktail of other modulators.

      As Christopher Scheidler so poetically put it:

      "If I had to believe in one phenomenon with little scientific evidence, it would be love. Would scientists disagree with me? Probably, but so be it. I can not think of a better cause to be passionately "wrong" about."
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        Sep 17 2011: The scientific perspective is perfectly captivated by that quote.

        This reminds me of stockholm syndrome.
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          Sep 17 2011: QUOTE: This reminds me of stockholm syndrome.

          Yes, quite.

          There is perhaps nothing so irrational as love. (The ancient Greeks referred to it as an illness!)
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          Sep 17 2011: Cole there is no doubt that you are very bright! There are parallels and many feel "captivated by love".
          I just wonder if, by reducing love to such a simple definition, that you lose the chance to experience it fully. It would be fun to watch when you are captivated by it. I hope you will repost then! (I bet that Anyone who is as passionate about ideas as you are will be a major romantic force when the arrow hits him!)
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    Sep 13 2011: It depends on how you define love.

    By some definitions it is a biological response to a stimulus. Is that real?

    By others, it is a feeling. Is that real?

    Some say it is an ideal.

    Others see it is an independent entity: "If love finds you worthy ..."

    My definition is: Love is a choice.

    Is that real?
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      Sep 14 2011: I've maxed out on thumbs up for you too Thomas!
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    Sep 13 2011: If you accept the word love as a concept that represents the aggregate of all the real emotions that constitute one's feeling around that special someone, then yes. So I say yes!
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    Sep 18 2011: of course love is real, oxytocin or not...
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    Sep 17 2011: yeah its like the grandest feeling
    and relative to fear its opposite..
    not falling for someone
    but falling in love with someone.
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    Sep 15 2011: Yes. It is.