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Deepali Dutta

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Why is so difficult to Forgive and Forget ?

We have all heard about the way of life is to Forgive and Forget people who have hurt us or disturbed us. I find it convinient to either Forget or just Forgive a person in such a case ,but to carry with a normal relation has not been easy!!

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    Sep 11 2011: I think the reason that it's so difficult to forgive and forget is because that person hurt us and by forgiving and forgetting you're opening yourself to another possibility to get hurt. If you keep a grudge against that person and hate him/her and keep him/her at a distance they can't hurt you like that again. By forgiving them you allow them back in so to speak. And some things just can't be forgotten even if they can be forgiven.
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      Sep 11 2011: Hmm. It fascinates me how two people can have such polar opposite views of the same set of experiences.

      For me, holding a grudge is like letting people live in your brain without paying rent. Screw that - it just makes you (the brain holder) sick. Literally.

      If the only way to forget (by which I mean drop it from your conscious mind) is to forgive, then you do it for your own health, and to hell with how it affects them.

      Lastly, you cut them out of your life, or at least you stop giving them power over you - e.g. stop giving their opinion value.
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        Sep 11 2011: Now that's a lovely comparison you're making here, Gisela. Anyway I do agree with you on this! As for professional involvement it's never as emotionally intensive as the personal one hopefully. But then again there are the exceptions. Anyway that's why a person learns all their life, right! :)
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        Sep 12 2011: I agree Gisela...
        Holding onto a grudge is like letting people take up space in our heart and mind, and can, as you insightfully say, literally cause illness. Holding onto blame, hate, or a grudge allows the words or action to continually keep us in the victim role.

        I agree...We forgive for our own health, so maybe we are forgiving ourselves for holding onto blame...grudges...hate? Quite often, the person we blame or hate doesn't even know what our feelings are, so it's not bothering them at all. It is hurting the one holding onto the feeling.
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      Sep 12 2011: Dear Koen,
      With each and every interaction in our lives, we have the opportunity to learn about our "self" and others. Feeling hurt gives us information about our "self" and the person who did or said something that may have hurt us. It also gives us information as to how to interact with that person in the future...or not. I do not advocate forgetting. I think and feel that learning from our experiences is more beneficial to us as individuals.We can keep people at a distance, if that is what we choose, without holding on to a grudge or hate, which simply hurts our "self".

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