Michael Vanhamme

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How would you regain social control?

Things have changed since the internet was introduced 20 years ago. All we know and all we are have been digitalized. Who doesn't have a Facebook account or a profile on any other social network provider?

Back when I was young nothing of that sort existed. Playing meant going outside to a park not behind a screen playing WoW. Chatting would mean get together in a pub and talk.

Due to all these changes I've became somewhat anti-social. Making new friends or just get to know new people has become unfamiliar. What seemed to be so obvious and so easy when I was young, is not the same anymore.

The last year I've challenged myself to work on that. So, I began practicing a new sport, got back to the gym, went out alone in bars, took a few courses. I've challenged myself to go out, out of my comfort zone.

It's been hard and still is, but that's how I believe to regain my social control.

So, How would you regain your social control?

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    Aug 16 2011: Hello Michael,
    when I was young, I liked to go out and meet people, enjoyed talking and listening to them. But sometime later I lost interest, became easily bored and no longer interested in their ways and views. This was more than 30 years ago. Again later I noted that I was missing a lot in my personal life and looked for ways to overcome the reclusion. Therefore I turned my curiosity to people, supported by my habit of reading books, which had luckily included Freud. Maybe might help you as well. Good luck!
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    Aug 16 2011: There are many parallels between your story & my own. I also found challenging myself to socialize with others to be my chosen method of solving the problem! My biggest difficulty with social situations seems to be that I share very little common ground with the general populace. Things that are popular don't really appeal to me.

    The key is to find the people that can understand you! There are few things quite as fulfilling as spending time with people that understand you!

    I'm moved that you've decided to change. Good luck!
    I found your story quite uplifting!
  • Aug 16 2011: Philip Slater wrote a book in 1974 which I thought profound for the times. he wrote that humans, like newborn ducklings given as examples in Konrad Lorenz' work, can become "imprinted" on rules, machines, ideologies and bureaucratic structures once they are deprived of community relationships. Slater believed that this occurs, that we are so easily imprinted, because we ripped out of our social fabric which occurred naturall yin communties for generations, and therefore seek a missing stimulus to which they can attach themselves.

    Slater poited out that netwroks allowed us to live in fragmented worlds, allowing only a part of ourselves for each group, while communities demanded that we re-integrate ourselves as a more complete relating human. Peop have more of a combination of fear and aliveness when they become part of groups over which they have little control
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    Aug 16 2011: I have probably a handful of people in close proximity who I just like to sit down and talk with. There aren't many of them and I started noticing that a couple years back my conversations with people were very hollow. I have a rule about social networks to, I mostly send private messages when necessary and only post once every two months with some high quality experience.