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Michael LeRod

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The Erroneous Methods of Asian Parenting: How Asian Parents Cause their Children to be Meek

Let's start off with a quick anecdote:

It's a month from college and I am in the car ride home from attending a church I don't believe in. Parents do not know that I am a disbeliever nor will they find out less I tell them. However, I will not tell them until I am in college where I will be living off of loans until I can find a solid job. Why? My parents would cut off any financial support the moment they knew. I wouldn't have anything to eat or anywhere to live. Not to mention they would be take back everything they would ever give me. I'm a computer science major so I would need my laptop. With only a month left, it would be foolish to upset the status quo and lose some helpful resources (talking about the laptop here).

I may sound like an angry child but I'm going to point out some major points here. With the anecdote above as an example, I feel as though my parents--Asian parents--limit my opinions. They force this through several fallacious techniques that leads to lifelong adverse effects that are hard to break without the right friends and experiences.

A typical argument technique revolves around three recurring elements to instill and vindicate their delusive logic:

1. Respect: all counterexamples are null and are considered disrespectful.
2. War/opportunity: in the past, certain ideologies were valid; those values must be valid today.
3. Threats: opposition means no food or privileges.

All of this (and more that I have not listed due to character restrictions) will produce a child who is afraid to voice their thoughts and feeling. Thus growing into a damage person that is socially awkward and perceived as meek and quiet. Lacking those crucial communication skills, it becomes hard for these kids to make friends. A never-ending cycle.

Share your thoughts, opinions, rebuttals, etc.

Off-topic: It might also be why Asian children are so terrible at English.

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    Jul 17 2011: I believe this may be less an Asian issue, and perhaps an excepted (sub)cultural absolutism issue. You see various means and methods of closed-mindedness in various pockets of society worldwide; the more patriarchal/structured, the more controlled against diversity of thought/reason. Some societies accept the negative effects of dictatorship, in the name of law and order ("fitnah"). As the US has perhaps exemplified, along with freedom of thought and discussion, there are dangers and discomfort to a culture of anything (generally) goes. The current polarization and caustic nature of debate doesn't serve to market democratic ideals too well.

    I think your overall concern is that absolutism does not make for a thriving childhood. Creativity is stifled, along with necessary skills of communication and self-confidence (as you state). I completely agree with you. I also believe that strong-arming a child's belief system by withholding basic life essentials is a form of abuse/neglect. If you're in college, however, you should have a bit more freedom-of-movement and decision making.

    I'm familiar with the Asian culture and its harsh expectations. My mom (Chinese) was more or less ex-communicated for marrying and having kids with a white guy from America. Time and fundamental family ties (of unconditional love), however, eventually iron out the wrinkles. You will be just fine.