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Muhammad Aizat Zainal Alam

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What is your parental advise to a teenager of my age (19 years old) about life?

I am a 19 year old who lives in the Far East.The culture and values taught here are so much different from those in the west.Thus, this affects advises given to a teenager from their parents.For example, in my place it's not nice to go out at night.However, I don't think they practice that in the West.That's just one of the examples that show the differences between the culture of the east and the west.What I'm asking here is : What would be your advise to a 19 year old about life? What was it like when you were young? what did you learn along the long and winding journey to adulthood? I want to know the varieties of the way people think in different parts of the world and what affects their thoughts on life.Plus, I know that this may benefit me in the future.Thank you.

Topics: Teenagers advice help
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    Leila Oicles

    • +2
    Aug 17 2011: Dear Muhammad,

    There may come a time in your life where you will be tested on all levels of your being. There may be a time, that you may feel you have failed this test. There may come a moment when all you have planned, prepared, and worked hard for is pulled from underneath you and crumbled to the ground. If you ever encounter such a moment, remember this...In every hardship, failure, or devestation lies within seeds of the greatest blessings of equal benefit. They key is in finding how to nourish that seed, so that you may grow with it.

    It is not about being perfect, but what you do with what you are confronted with. Mistakes are OK, but usually, if one does not find a way to nourish the potential seed within, then those mistakes get repeated until one can break through and grow.

    My other piece of advice, is one that I received during my own personal spiritual seeking. It was written by a man named Abdu'l-Baha, and although not currently a part of this faith, I find great wisdom in his writing.

    "The most important thing is to polish the mirrors of hearts in order that they may become illumined and receptive of the divine light. One heart may possess the capacity of the polished mirror; another be covered and obscured by the dust and dross of this world. Although the same Sun is shining upon both, in the mirror which is polished, pure and sanctified you may behold the Sun in all its fullness, glory and power revealing its majesty and effulgence, but in the mirror which is rusted and obscured there is no capacity for reflection although so far as the Sun itself is concerned it is shining thereon and is neither lessened nor deprived. Therefore our duty lies in seeking to polish the mirrors of our hearts in order that we shall become reflectors of that light and recipients of the divine bounties which may be fully revealed through them. (Abdu'l-Baha, Baha'i World Faith - Abdu'l-Baha Section, p. 218)"

    Many blessings as you continue your journey Muhammad!
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      Kate Blake 50+

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      Aug 17 2011: Very powerful contribution, thanks! Particularly like this quote and am sure Muhammad will also.
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    mojtaba azari

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    Jul 25 2011: Hi my friend ,, my dear , and part of my heart.
    now,I'm so so glad to find a person like you ..I'm 22 year's old. and I have experiences during this two year.
    I love entrepreneurship and management and I studied b.management at the university.. two years ago ..I faced to problems .i had special situation. and wihtout consulting I changed my field.now I study computer engineering. i do'nt like it.
    but for you **my dear**
    I have some RECOMMENDATIONs they belong to my masters::
    1.take the life easy
    2.don't forget God ,never
    3. instead of learn thoughs, learn how to think ((Dr.Ali Shariati))
    4.choose a main goal for your life (and it is good to choose it according to your interesting)
    5.have plan for rest of your life (at least 40 years)
    .
    .
    .
    never forget that I wish/bless you, be prosperous..
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      Muhammad Aizat Zainal Alam 30+

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      TED Translator
      Jul 25 2011: Hi!! You matter to me too!!!

      5.have plan for rest of your life (at least 40 years)

      I'll totally plan this out right at this very moment! and the rest I will follow.Thank you!
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    Helena Ripoll Hazell 20+

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    TED Translator
    Jul 23 2011: The first thing I would say is always treat your parents with respect, be ready to disagree with them and question their ways but always from respect and acceptance, they may not always get it right and make mistakes, but so will you when or if you become a parent. Just consider that they are doing things the best way they know. I spent many years trying not to be like them until I realised I couldn't be myself while I was trying not to be someone else.

    When I was your age I felt like I didn't fit in, I was quirky but, at the same time, rather shy, I didn't enjoy clubbing nor drugs (things rather fashionable in those days amongst people of my age in my home town), I was different from the crowd, always have been, but back then, I didn't see the benefits of being different, in fact, the feeling of not fitting in was so strong that I had already packed my suitcase and moved to a different country. So the next thing I'd say is: value yourself, BE YOU, NO APOLOGIES, NO FEAR. YOU FIT.

    This may sound corny, however, corny as it may sound: FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS. I did, and it wasn't easy but if you put the work in, commit and practice integrity, the chances of achieving these dreams increase greatly. And this leads me to: Never take no for an answer. Don't let anyone make you believe you can't achieve something without having tried first at least once. Persistence, if the key doesn't fit, try another door, another window, learn to climb. Being unlucky is not an achievement.

    Enjoy your youth and don't wish to grow up too soon. Develop constructive habits but also be ready to make mistakes, in fact, make as many as you can! There's always something valuable to learn.

    And finally, just be aware that there is nowhere to get to, just live, laugh and love.
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    Bill Harrison 10+

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    Jul 22 2011: Practical advise to a 19 year young man:

    a. Chicks dig a good sense of humor
    b. Don't call them "chicks" :P

    "There but for the grace of God go I" is a phrase/reminder that has helped me see from other people's perspectives.

    If you do decide to question the values and teachings of your parents, you'll be able to get away with a lot more if you do so respectfully :P

    Develop whatever talents you have and learn as much as you can at a young age, because you can use what you learn for the rest of your life. Winston Churchill wrote, "It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations is an admirable work, and I studied it intently. The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good thoughts," and I concur with Sir Winston.

    So...a sense of humor, empathy, respect, knowledge...hell, if you can get 3/4 of those you'll be in good shape for a 19 year old :) Your frontal lobes don't fully mature until your early 20's, so go easy on yourself for whatever mistakes you will inevitably make. Best of luck in life to you, Muhammad.
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    Erik Richardson 500+

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    TEDx Organizer
    Jul 22 2011: Always be willing to step back and question your assumptions—whether they were passed down to you by your cultural heritage, your religious faith, your parents, or were the result of your own reflection. This small allowance for intellectual humility will help to keep your mind open to new possibilities and to new ways of seeing the world. The more people's eyes you can see through, the more compassionate your heart will be. Everything else is secondary.
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      Muhammad Aizat Zainal Alam 30+

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      TED Translator
      Jul 22 2011: 1.. Never believe everything that you've heard. You gotta be critical, even in religion, and learn how to pick and choose. 2. Give service to everyone, Muslims or not. - two out of the many reasons

      -Sheikh Rafat ( an Imam from Auckland,New Zealand)

      I totally agree with you!!! thanks!! anything you would like to add further? share with me everything you got because I'm going to need it in the near future.Have a nice day!
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    Debra Smith 200+

    • +2
    Jul 19 2011: Hi Muhammad Aizat!
    My parental advice for my 'adopted' son.

    My would start with a quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet:
    This above all: to thine own self be true,
    And it must follow, as the night the day,
    Thou canst not then be false to any man.
    Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

    This was said by a father to a son and it is as true today as the day it was written.

    2) Do not be seduced into a life that measures everything by money.

    3) People matter.

    4) Love matters

    5) Integrity matters.

    That is my first installment. All parents owe a debt of love to their children so listen to yours with your heart but in the end trust yourself and your inner voice!
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      Muhammad Aizat Zainal Alam 30+

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      TED Translator
      Jul 19 2011: Hi Canadian Mum!!!! Hamlet was indeed wonderful but I like your writings better.LOVE MATTERS.That, I shall hold until the day I die.Anything you would like to add?

      P/s : I miss you so much!!!!
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        Debra Smith 200+

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        Jul 19 2011: 6) Being clean is important for your health and your social life.
        7) Have fun. Getting to old age without enough fun is a sad life.
        8) Enjoy the world and the senses you have been given.
        9) Test what you believe but hold on to the good of your belief system.
        10) A smile is your best accessory!
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    Judge Pau 50+

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    HostTED TranslatorAssociate
    Jul 19 2011: Seize the day...
    Jadi seronok kan ta mesti nakal lah... *Smile*
    Apapun yang kau buat, pastikan kau bahagia.
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    Tim blackburn 30+

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    Jul 18 2011: well im 21, so if u have any questions as to how those our age here act and such u can :)
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      Muhammad Aizat Zainal Alam 30+

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      TED Translator
      Jul 19 2011: what was the biggest mistake you've done when you were at the age of 19? how did you counteract the mistake? what does it feel like leaving the "teen years" and entering adulthood? what's the best thing that you get to experience at the age of 21?
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        Tim blackburn 30+

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        Jul 20 2011: biggest mistake? hmm. to be honest things have been really good since then, but honestly saying no when i should have been sayiing yes. Its intense, you are left with this feeling missing the younger years where all you had to worry about was school. it you get a lot of adult resposibilitys but often not treated as an adult (i.e americas legal drinking age) 21? my first legal in a bar, beer. becuase i love beer. haha.
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          Muhammad Aizat Zainal Alam 30+

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          TED Translator
          Jul 21 2011: "you are left with this feeling missing the younger years where all you had to worry about was school."

          I was expecting this you know.So scarred of the 'harsh' world out there.How'd you deal with this particular feeling I have that you too once had?

          "because i love beer. haha."

          You sound like Homer Simpson.haha ;)
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        Tim blackburn 30+

        • +2
        Jul 22 2011: to be honest, do yourself a favor and really find yourself and create a real understanding of yourself. it makes the "harsh" world out there a lot more easy, and a lot more fun:) live life and never settle for anything than the best in life :)
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    Kate Blake 50+

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    Jul 17 2011: Hi Muhammad I would like to answer but am not a parent and grew up in a very different environment to you. I can still remember the freedoms I had at nineteen even as a girl but you would not enjoy these as a boy in your society! So sorry I cannot help.
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      Muhammad Aizat Zainal Alam 30+

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      TED Translator
      Jul 18 2011: It's okay Kate!!!! I am a very open-minded person.You can share with me anything.

      This is one of the few advises I got from a friend : Men can kill and still be the sweetest creature.So beware! ;)
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        Kate Blake 50+

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        Jul 18 2011: Hey Muhammad if you call that parental advise then I think I could do better ... but yes, our main cannon fodder [soldiers] are 18-19 yo ... it seems the most idealistic age/time to brainwash them to kill. They feel 12 feet tall and bullet proof and can be easily convinced 'to kill or be killed'. But just because military service rewires their brain doesn't mean they have lost their charm.

        I would strongly suggest that you dream, dream and dream, then follow those dreams. Joyous persistence will bring results so dream big and dream kind. You have such endearing qualities Muhammad so check your own heart then follow it! And do NOT enlist for military service ... please promise me that?
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        Kate Blake 50+

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        Jul 18 2011: Only thing I would add would be to seek Debra Smith's advise, she raised 5 successful adults so her words would be invaluable!
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