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Muhammad Aizat Zainal Alam

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How do you confront back-stabbing people?

I recently had a very bitter argument with a 'friend'.I really thought he was a friend.It turns out that he wasn't.I feel like a loser right now.Should I talk to him and tell him how I feel? should I just ditch him and block him out of my life? should I be angry and just scream everything out to him? what should I do? I seriously need help.

Topics: back stabbing friendship help hurt
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    Kate Blake 50+

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    Jul 31 2011: Hi Muhammad you have some very wise answers down here - how did you resolve the issue?

    I find talking, telling exactly how I feel about the situation, then you will know if there is something worth salvaging. Re-establishing trust is often difficult ... can you trust again?

    Anger and screaming don't resolve anything, a mature approach is always more fruitful. And even if you lose a friendship hopefully he might learn from your example!
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      Muhammad Aizat Zainal Alam 30+

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      Jul 31 2011: It's hard for me to end the friendship because to me,friends are mend to be together forever.Simply put that I forgave that person but I'll never forget what he did to me.
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        Kate Blake 50+

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        Jul 31 2011: It's very wise not to forget because given a similar situation he may do the same thing again.

        Did you discuss the situation fully with him? Forgiving is one thing but unless the situation is fully discussed: what he did, why he did it, how it impacted on you, etc then he will learn that he can stab you and you will remain loyal ... not really a smart move to give him that kind of power!

        NB Congratulations you have got tedcred 10! You're a star.
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          Muhammad Aizat Zainal Alam 30+

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          Jul 31 2011: Yes I discussed it thoroughly with him.I take it as a mistake done on purpose.He was very sorry.I had nothing else to do except to forgive him.It was Islamic to do so.By the way, Ramadhan has arrived and I'm about to go to the mosque to celebrate the arrival this wonderful month.Today marks the start of the fasting month.Wish me luck!

          P/S : Can't wait to make it a 20!
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        Kate Blake 50+

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        Jul 31 2011: You don't need 'luck' for any such practice brings its own merits - enjoy!
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    Amily shaw 10+

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    Jul 1 2011: back-stabbing ?sounds a quite hurtful thing. ask a few questions
    how do i feel ?
    what i want from him?
    what dose he want?
    whats my responsibilty and his?
    where do i want to go with this relationship?
    how can i communicate with him how i feel in a way that wont cause more frustration?(Blaming never work)
    usually listen first. i am sure you ll have better understanding of each other after a good communication;)
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    Jonas Verhellen

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    Jul 1 2011: I would remind them of a certain quote (one of my favorites): "True friends stab you in the front" -Oscar Wilde
    Talk to them because this could be the end of your friendship but please don't forget the reasons why you chose to be friends. I hope you will work it out but sometimes you got to walk away and just let it be.

  • Jose V Balaguer

    • +1
    Jul 1 2011: Clarify your thoughs. Focus the facts and their gravity. Then talk seriously. If you don't get a sincere apologize consider cut relations. Choose ONLY positive relations in your life. Good luck
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