Dave Lim

TEDx Ambassador, TEDxSingapore


This conversation is closed.

Share: What are your rules for making more happiness in your life?

What are some rules and practices you follow for making more happiness in your life?

Closing Statement from Dave Lim

Gratitude to and appreciate each and every one here for sharing your idea and thoughts.

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    Jun 3 2011: I agree with Steve. I believe that our heart is designed to love and our love is designed to make other hearts loved and happy. We do this in our relationships and whoever gives true love receives the same kind of love and happiness also.

    When our heart is used other than to love, we have problems. When our love is used other than to make other hearts happy, we have problems. When we stop loving altogether, we have big problems. When our heart and our love is misused, we are not happy and it weakens our powers to hope and trust, and it brings out our weaknesses.

    http://www.ted.com/conversations/3260/can_we_can_say_that_our_heart.html http://bit.ly/ThePowerToTransform
  • Jun 13 2011: since happiness is related with thoughts and feelings which are spiritual in nature one has to take recourse to spiritual means to achieve happiness. mind is subtle in nature when compared with matter and hence we have to train our mind to percieve subtle things . there is a universal force or energy which pervades everywhere and which animates our life and causes the production of thoughts and feelings in our minds.if we understand and feel that we are part of that universal force and not seperate then we realise that we are all interdependent and depend on one another for happiness. just as smoke arising from a chimney of our neighbour's house influences us or makes us aware about it happiness or sadness from one's heart spreads in the spiritual environment and influences others. the trick is try to be in the company of happi people and one will easily remain happy.
  • Jun 6 2011: A really good book on the topic is the happiness hypothesis. It puts data and beliefs together and is a complete, objective and realistic description of what in life is more likely to make you happy. It's by Jonathan Haidt.
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    Jun 6 2011: Smile!

    Whenever you think of it, and think of it often, no matter what is happening.
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      Jun 7 2011: Hi Albert, I was about to post when I noticed that you had said it already. My only adjustment would be to add that when I smile at strangers on the street and meet their eyes they always smile back and that reinforces my sense of their being many good and kind people in the world which increases my sense of happiness and hope.
      • Jun 8 2011: It's true. I smiled at a woman on the train today and five minutes later she gave me one of her blueberry muffins! I was happy.
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    Jun 3 2011: I got some rules of happiness on TED recently.
    Smiling (http://www.ted.com/talks/ron_gutman_the_hidden_power_of_smiling.html) &
    Compassion (http://www.ted.com/talks/chade_meng_tan_everyday_compassion_at_google.html).
    And there is an appealing maxim from 'Chade-Meng Tan: Everyday compassion at Google'. Dalai Lama said "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
  • Jun 8 2011: Since happiness can exist in infinite unknown possibilities and regret in a more finite familiar set, I prefer regret avoidance.

    I ask myself periodically, "What do I not want to regret?" and do a lot of everything else, modifying those lists along the way!

    A few of those significant insights: "Never waste a day (in regret)!" "Failure is good positive reinforcement to try again (unlike everybody else who gave up unhappily)!" "If no one knows what to do, DO IT: you are now the subject matter expert!" "Don't think you could handle a difficult and painful experience of your own? Then team up and help someone go through theirs!" And best one so far, "Results are never our responsibility, only effort. Leave God to do the rest."
  • Jun 8 2011: In my opinion; Happiness is a decision.

    Several years ago, I humbly wrote the following equation;

    Think well = Feel well
    Feel well = Think well
    Think bad = Feel bad
    Feel bad = Think bad.

    Tis true as truth;
    positive emotion induces positive thought, as well as positive thought induces postive emotion.
    Same as;
    negative emotion induces negative thought, as well as negative thought induces negative emotion.

    Several years ago, upto to-now; I have experienced many negative experiences:
    -My thirty years young older sister passed away from cronic narrowing of her arteries caused by her diabetes
    -I persued what I thought to be true love; resulting in a very painful broken heart, where I learned the beautiful lesson on love, 'chemistry does not equal compatibility.'
    -I lost all my possessions and independence due to alcohol dependency
    -I successfully started a business with zero dollars, named Thinkwell Anywhere Inc., home of "The Peoples' Economic Stimulus Plan"... Acquired financing by selling shares in the idea; where my personal decisions to allocate the moneys acquired proved to be failed investment on my part for the money invested did not turn a profit.

    --- Yet all the while; when all outward experiences would/could/should cause Me to feel bad and think bad;
    the Think Well equation above; day in and day out helped Me to feel happy more than I felt unhappy.

    Yes. I did; do, and have 'felt' unhappy throughout all I describe and still experience; duly note, Think Well has helped Me to Feel Well more than I thought and/or felt bad.

    I am not saying I am right; I am willing to be wrong;

    I share this to-now;
    in humble effort and hope that another one and/or many others; find and feel the personal benefits that I found and feel, from the(my) simple decision to... Think Well.
  • Jun 7 2011: Eliminate shame. Question all sources of shame, and determine if they have any rational basis. For those that do not, ignore that most people would be ashamed, refuse to judge others for them. For those that do have an actual basis (such as things which hurt others or prove a hypocrisy in ones value system, etc), don't do them. Never do anything which you will feel shame for afterwards. Not if someone asks you to, not if it is part of your job, not if there is a gun to your head.

    Appreciate the depth of everything. Even the simplest things (and the most complicated and challenging) have a tremendous amount to offer to the person who approaches them with an active mind.

    Something which has worked out very well for me, but that most people are opposed to because it can be problematic at first, is to embrace intellectualism. Question everything, and refuse to grant confidence to things which you haven't actually spent a good deal of time trying to prove your beliefs wrong on. Trying to prove your beliefs correct is dangerous, because you'll just become a victim of confirmation bias, paying more attention to the things which support your idea and ignoring the things that disprove it. This is why people believe the world is more dangerous than it is. When you see a story about a murder, you become more convinced. When you see dozens of people around you that have never and will never murder anyone, you ignore it even though it is conclusive proof against there being any significant danger of being murdered. It can take years, but once you have spent a great deal of time thinking about everything you believe, and can explain precisely why you believe it and present evidence and argument for it, you get the benefit of understanding that you are doing your best to live a good life. The widespread cultural hatred of intellectualism can make starting difficult, but in the end it is worth being thought of as a nerd or weirdo.
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    Jun 6 2011: I agree with Carmen: Read "the happiness hypothesis"!

    one practice I often do:
    When I feel not so happy (a bit down or neutral) and if I notice it, I start thinking that I can as well feel happy, so I start to feel happier... After a few minutes thinking and smiling, I'm quite happy.

    And "you are as happy as you can make yourself believe you are" is also a fun thought to practice...
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    Jun 6 2011: I just watched this talk as clearly this is an area of research that i am interested in and was incredibly disappointed as another person just puts a list up with no thought about how to structure that list for other people to relate to. The trick to marketing a pro-social idea is to start from where people are - not from where you are ... and to be facilitative & universal not perscriptive and particular ... There is nothing wrong especially with what he says - just it isn't going to actually do what it says in the title - ie 'make more happiness' ...Anyway our list - at the centre for well-being, new economics foundation - comes from our work with the UK government office of science - you can see here http://www.fivewaystowellbeing.org - and also i refer to it in my ted talk near the end

    Connect ...Be active ...Take Notice ...Keep Learning ...Give ...(and they are ways - not rules!)
    • Jun 7 2011: You mention a "new economics foundation". I've been thinking about how our socioeconomic situation might change lately. I'd appreciate any thoughts you may have on my ideas: Companies, as organizations not so much as a means to remove liability, came about in order to solve the distribution problem. Being able to distribute your product or service to the people who need it. Beneath everything, that is why society transitioned from small villages and individuals producing and interfacing directly with their customers. Solving this problem was very important to the formation of our society. It is why we work 40 hours a week for employers instead of working as independent contractors. It has also had the consequence of making increases in worker productivity completely without advantage to workers. Employers and corporations benefit, but workers keep getting paid a 'market rate' for their time.

      I believe that is about to change. The Internet makes solution of the distribution problem essentially worthless. A piece of software can provide the primary service of a corporation - hooking up producers with customers. And it can do it without taking away a huge portion (often >90%) of every transaction simply to support itself. I can see this translating into most of society working from home or workshops, nearly directly with their customers. Increases in productivity will go directly to the worker who practices them, and often they will choose to work less rather than earning more. Prices for everything should go down, and income will be distributed much more evenly without any force being involved. Big changes like this take generations, of course, and I'm not proposing this will go any faster than prior changes. But right now traditional companies are trying to put laws in place to make this type of system illegal, and they get listened to because they represent a larger portion of GDP than individuals do. Do you think we can change peacefully?
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    Jun 2 2011: Make more happiness in somebody else's life. Love is the one thing that, the more you give away, the more you have.