Karine AUBRY

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Beliefs : they can help us reach success or they can act as powerful brakes. What are your 3 major limiting beliefs ?

You know, we all got these awful beliefs about ourself or about the world :
"I'll never make it at school anyway"
"I can't calculate, how could I start a business"
"World is a jungle, every man for himself"

What are yours ? Do you know them ? How do you deal with them, overcome them maybe ?

Hint : think about stressful situations and hear what your inner voice says.

Next step is : what can you do about it ?

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    Jun 13 2011: Alo Lindsay I,m return and well. Thanks to your nice words and feelings. We'll see here frecuently.
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      Jun 14 2011: Jaime..my jaime..I am over joyed!!!! I have missed your gentle words and great wisdom very very much. I ahve been on the verge of leaving TED out of frustrtaion thatthe rules of civility are not understood or observed and TED admin is a little fuzzy on what civility is themselves. But if you are back..I will tarry yeat awhile.
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    Jun 13 2011: Hey Karine..

    #1 Believing some people are just not worth the effort ( described more fully above somewhere)

    #2 Believing It Is always faster and easier if I do it myself

    I am super f ast and effiient about all tasks--mental physical research..anything..and really drive especially to effivieciency as I am always trying to pack more things in tha there are hours in the day for. So if I am going to be involved in the task and it's going to take my time too I am not very patuentabout it. To minimize my own total invetsment of time I will often ( politely I hope) shew people away and do it all myself.

    I work very hard at trying to chnage that "first reaction" and trying to enjoy the process of collaboration and sharing tasks((easy to do to if its about everyone helping in the kictchen chopping and preparing food together..poure joy..no problem there) but in general I am too guarded about notwasting my time

    colaboration is one of the highest levels of human engagement so I am trying to shut down my implse to go solo and get it done fast and right and hone my collaborative skils a bit more.

    still thinking about #3.
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    Jun 13 2011: Karine.

    .a very wise and important question and already pointing to the answer to a question I just posted yesterday

    .http://www.ted.com/conversations/3523/have_we_outgrown_belief_syste.html

    (Hope you will all visit)There wise man and visionary Tom Atlee accepted my invitation to stop by and has left an amazing small essay that you would all enjoy and which fully supports exactly what you are doing here, Karine.

    My question is pointing to harm belief systems can bring to us, to our communities and to the wolrd when they don't serve the world, or as Tom says so beautifully and inclusively in his essay posted this morning," don't serve life."( for that includes all the living things on our planets..all creatures, all growing things )It is too beautiful to characterize so I will leave it to you to take in in your own way. It might be a good spring board from which each of uscan consider Karine's question, take in what it is really asking us to do.

    What things in myr pesonal belief systems are not serving me well, not allowing me to be all I can, llimiting how I see possibility?. I am sure I have at least 10 things that don't serve me or the world well.

    For the moment fresh from some TED TOXICS that seem unavoidable. I would have to say I have to resist daily reinforcing

    my belief that some people are just too locked into themselves to bother with.

    For one thing it is cheat on my principle value which is

    :To be mindfully present to all (people and events) without judgment, need, fantasy , attachment or ego.I find that hard to do with people whose pattern and mindset is completely the opposite and I am finding that I am tempted to judgment instead of mindful presence..and in the process losing an opportunity to learn. The same with just avoiding them or avoiding engagement with them or lately even avoiding what they write here at TED

    .I'll work on my 9 others Karine..but this one is most on my mind today. Thnaks for this important question.
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    Jun 13 2011: Hello everyone ! How about Mark Twain's suite : "They did not know it was impossible, so they did it." ?
    They're also this tale of a frog hopping up a huge mountain as part of a frog race. The frog supporters go "come on, no one can do this, just Forget it" So one by one all the frogs quit... But this one. When she reaches the mountain top without turning back they all realise that she's def.

    What about you ? What are you def to ? What does it allow you to achieve ?
  • May 18 2011: I once read that if you write about yourself, and describe yourself, do it three times. The third time is the most accurate.
    A.
    1. I majored in my weakest subject in college.
    2. No one values me so I am paid very little.
    3. I have gifts that are special but invisible to others.
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      May 20 2011: Hello Charlotte,
      So here's your first self-description, right ? We're waiting for second and third since 3rd shall be more accurate.
      Points 2. and 3. look like self-beliefs indeed : did you ever try to check that with other people ? See what they really think of your value and gifts ?
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    May 8 2011: Hello everyone ! Well thanks and hats off for your brave attitudes, as Debra said.
    It looks like our beliefs are often related to self-perception (capacities, qualities, flaws...) versus expectations about oneself. The latter being set against what we believe others can be or do. A beliefs' battle !

    Here are my 3s :
    1. Perfection is a realistic goal (got rid of this one...)
    2. I'm a poor speaker in public speaking (working on it !)
    3. You can't have everything (so always expecting and accepting compromises too soon)
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      Jun 13 2011: Hey Karine ..your number 1 is my number 3.. I believe perfection is always possible and hold myself to that standrd ( not others though..I don't expect it of others but I love doing anything with people who also have that flaw of striving for perfection ( not in an OCD way..but in a mindful way )

      My about with serious cancer ( still continuing but now with radiation and chemo devataion to my body) has taught me to be more realistic in what I can expect of myself but still my tedecy is to take onless and do what I choose to do to perfection. I think that got into my belief systems and into my vaue system from my father who did everything very intelligently, very completely, very beuatifully not in a cipulsive neurotic wau but just for the joy in doing that).
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    May 7 2011: 1) I think of myself as a blooming idiot sometimes.(I get over it ASAP)
    2) I'm an amateur at everything I do. (I keep trying)
    3) I require more validation than I think is healthy. (I've begun to look at this factor about myself in hopes of mitigating it's effects on my well being)
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    May 6 2011: I think that the collective 'us' is more important than the single 'I'- this causes me trouble when exploiting 'i's come along.
    I think that we shoud cooperate with authority until it proves itself untrustworthy- it is more often untrustworthy than I expect.
    I think that meeting someone half way is not enough- that each of us is responsible to go as far as we can toward another- that kicks me in the butt many times.

    While I do not know how to adapt my behaviours as informed by these beliefs- I find that like a hot stove- getting burned by experience makes me more wary of implementing my beliefts.

    Edit: In an effort to be more on the direct topic (and braver) I will share the beliefs that hindered me when I was younger:
    1. Not pretty enough
    2. Not skinny enough
    3. Not loveable enough
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      May 6 2011: Hi Debra
      Yes right you are but collective "US" will never happen if we don't take responsiblity as individual "I" as you rightly took by starting your statement with "I".

      Everyones resposnibilty is nobodies' task to complete, so like you it is better to start with "I" as then only one can rightfully ask others to follow.

      "I" to express EGO is definitely not good
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    May 6 2011: My 3s are
    1) I don't know much
    2) I can be harmful with my own belief to others
    3) Other's might have better perspective
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      May 6 2011: Salim, these are all very positive beliefs. I think the question was asking us to be brave and express the beliefs or ways of thinking that limit our way forward in life.
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        May 6 2011: HI Debra
        One thing I believe is even a Ferari and Lamborghini also have brakes. So even being highly passionate about positivity it's natural for me to expect same from others but I learnt and try to tolerate negative views . The proof is in my teams so far I lead , there were always people with negative approach or views. So I try to practice & express those mentioned above on all occassion but definitely deliberately to a certain extent, only others who know me can say whether I really try to walk as I say or not.