Mark Roy

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I'm at a setback point in life. Anybody got good ways they get out of ruts??

Looking for advice and inspiration from others

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    May 6 2011: I applaud you for tabling such a question. Men (at least in the US, but I believe it's world wide) tend to keep such feelings to ourselves. We are "suppose" to be strong, tough skinned, and beyond the emotional baggage of life. Crying, complaining, having "ruts", not for us. Unfortunately these beliefs and approaches have put many a man, young and old, in his is grave early.

    So start by giving yourself a big pat on the back for having the courage and trust in yourself and fellow man to speak out and reach out.

    Second, if this has been going on for a while or seems very deep. See a therapist. Short of mentioning you are in a rut (#1 best thing you have done), seeing a therapist is the next best thing you will ever do about this. Forget all the stereotypes about seeing a therapist. Yes, you will hate to go sometimes, cry sometimes, and play hookie to avoid going sometimes. But it will help you! What do you life as a hobby? Find one that likes the same thing. It will give you something to break the ice each time.

    Now how can you try helping yourself. Read. OK, that sounds way to easy. How about, write and read? How do you feel? Why do you think you feel this way? What has happened to you lately? What happened to you in the past? Are you skipping out on a grieving moment? What do you want out of life? What did you want out of life? Where are you in terms of the life journey you planned for yourself? All these things are worth writing down, and then reading them over. Get it out and off your chest.

    Also get linked up with groups (online or in person) where folks are sharing deep thoughts with each other and just as important, showing compassion and support for each other. Getting these support items can be very healthy and rewarding. Here are a few...

    Mondo Beyondo
    Look at Brene Brown's Dream Labs

    When you figure out what works for you, share it with others. Karma baby!

    Believe in yourself, smile at your imperfections.

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    May 6 2011: Accept that it happens, let it take the time it takes, and be proud of yourself that you are strong enough to admit it to yourself! Do something you enjoy, or try to remember what you once enjoyed. Revisit your childhood dreams.
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    May 4 2011: This sounds stupid but it works for me...

    Go for a run/walk :) keep up a decent pace and go for as long as you can... the endorphins will make you feel good and relaxed. Once you get back have a long bath/shower and think about "What do I really want to do" as Debra said...

    TIP: If you don't often run/walk briskly... take it easy or you will feel like crap after!
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    May 6 2011: Please don't worry about things those you can't influence as those are out of your control.

    Just focus on positivity of things those are at your control.
    Share your feelings with someone whom you can depend on that will offer some relief.
    Spend time in, whatever makes you happy & inspires you without causing harm to anyone.
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    May 6 2011: sometimes we just need a mental break. however you achieve this is up to you. but its nice to just focus on nothing, and sometimes answeres just come to you.
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    May 5 2011: Mark take a look around and see if there's anyone of your friends or family memebers who really understand and can listen to you. talk to them or one (many) of us who are willing to listen here on Ted ;-) so that you dont have to be alone on this.
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    May 5 2011: By the way Mark, I am convinced that anyone with the courage and good sense to ask the question you are asking is already on his way to mending. You did a good thing!
  • May 5 2011: Mark, along with all the great comments here I would add: list 3 things that you are grateful for, and 3 things that you are good at. Keep these in mind. Write down your thoughts and feelings - it is good therapy. Above all, know that there is an opportunity somewhere behind the dark clouds - this too will pass.
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    May 4 2011: What makes your heart sing........follow your heart:>)
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    May 4 2011: Take a deep breath, be kind to yourself as much as possible and ask yourself the really important questions of life. 'What do I really want to do' never had a better opportunity for finding the deep seated answer, You also never had a better opportunity to follow through on whatever you come up with.
    Big hug! I am rooting for you!
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    May 4 2011: Everyone who has ever done something great has (at some point in their life) been where you are now. They were not born with special DNA, they did not have divine assistance; what they did have was willpower. Willpower to stop looking down at the rut they're in and start looking up towards the limitless dreams of the sky. I'm sure someone else has spoken it more eloquently then I just wrote.

    Small goals and small changes Mark, fulfilling your personal challenges (no matter how small) set the precedent: you can win.

    If you're depressed do not hesitate to email me. I can't promise I'll do anymore then listen though.