bhagyashree dassani

actress,

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Should you be a friend to your child? Is it okay cite your own fault as an example to teach the child? Should you follow the rules u impose?

I believe that you can be friendly to your child but not a friend. Children need parents to guide them. At times discipline will be unwanted but only a parent can take a stand and stick by it. As a parent you will have to be okay with your child saying he hates you if you know that you are taking the decision in favour of their correct interests.
Every child looks up to the parents as their idol but having a misconception about what your parents are can shatter a child's value system. If there is a mistake that you committed and felt sorry for it is probably the best example to give them as it teaches them the value of forgiveness, of realisation , of acceptance of one's faults. It is the best way to show them your efforts to make amends....a lesson that will be well learnt for sure.
As we become parents we become responsible for another life and that does bring about a lot of changes in our lives. Children do tend to emmulate their parents so it is in the best interest of your children that one does practice what one wants them to learn. However the adult world has different perceptions for different situations so it always helps it explaining to the child how certain decisions are age related example drinking, partying late,eating habits. When your answer the questions buzzing in the child's head you put to rest contridictions and fears that crop up in their curious world. You open the gates of communication.

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    • May 4 2011: Can parents relax disciplinary aspect of parenting much earlier on? Children develop with different speed so number 15 is some kind of average. Also, I would encourage a child to take on more responsibility as he/she ages.
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        May 4 2011: I think 15/freshman year is a good time to start loosining the "leash" thats what my parents did, worked in my opnion. i diddnt feel i had to argue about most things and the things i did argue about i just did anyways hahah
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    May 1 2011: Hi Bhagyashree great subject of deabte really !!! Kids are subject of my curiosity before being a father, so almost similar kind of subject I was about to oepn in question format here which I will not do now to keep focus to your topic & follow through here to learn from the responses. If I do get all the answers no need for me to open that .. :)

    Bringing discipline to my feeling can't be a barrier to be a firend to child, as even in intimate friendships we do maintain certain norms & disciplines to keep that alive, same thing can apply here. What I think become barrier is our KNOW IT ALL ADULTHOOD cocoon. This diminishes our curiosity and learning attitude on the contrary being wonderfully curious kids are avid learner. Just follow, how quickly your kids learn handling even your own cell phone, how many options of that phone you yourself know & use before you throw it to get in to the next model ? So to great extent your believe of being friendly only seems to be valid to me & being friendly is also great , as I observed many parents miserably fails to be so even.

    To your 2nd question my answer is YES. One interesting saying is there in my langauge about the notion parents to failure that says " All fathers and mothers were 1st in their class" ha ha ha (there was an interesting commercial I saw focusing that). Why I am saying YES , is that I don't want make kids to develop an impression that in every instances they have to RIGHT. Thats a killer to creativity and experimentation of their enormous power of curiosity. Also I want them to learn from mistakes so that they don't repeat.

    Answering 3rd, I try hard to follow what I say , even harder I try not to impose all my beliefs, thoughts on them as I am not perfect. Moreover they are not only exposed to me. They have their mother, grandfather, grandmother, siblings, uncles , aunts, cousins etc in home & family, in school teachers, other kids they meet & now internet so they can learn from wide source...........
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    May 2 2011: When i said be friendly but not a friend to your child there is definately a time frame involved. Once past the teenage years and on the brink of adulthood i think being a friend would reduce the communication gap. I for one learnt what football was and who were the world players and their positions on the field after i realised that if i could not discuss the game with my growing son there would soon be no topic that would be fun to bond over .
    However being a friend also allows from back slapping terms and misbehaviour which one indulges as casual between same aged friends. What might seem fun by yourselves will not be seen in the same light when probably you have your friends over or your boss over. It would be incorrect then to admonish the child for saying, "Do it yourself mom, move your body get some excercize" or something of the sort. But its not what you will want to hear infront of outsiders.
    There is a code of conduct which says respect has to be shown to elders, you can diasagree with your parents but you cannot shout at them. I think that demarkation is very important.
  • May 1 2011: A very timely question indeed - more so in the changing socio-economic environment that we are living. The hierarchy that we observed in traditional societies did not allow us to nullify the age factor and behave as friends with our children, but in the changing times it would certainly work counter-productive if we are unable to treat them as friends or continue to impose our will.

    So far parents and close family used to be the only circle where kids would move around and learn; today they have wider interaction and access to knowledge. If as parents we do preach what we are not able to demonstrate in our own behavior, it is certain that kids would not respect this lapse. When kids are treated as friends and given due credits for their valid opinions/ideas, they grow as responsible family members as well as citizens, and contribute to the overall well-being.
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    Apr 30 2011: We are all human and that means we make mistakes and, hopefully, learn from these. Every child is different and they will each make different mistakes in life. A parent is a life guide for the children and should be confident to explain how he or she corrected mistakes and what life lessons they learned. By being honest this way the child will quickly see that making mistakes is only a sign of being human and will most probably share in these life lessons with those who have been honest enough to declare that they are also human. From this comes the friendly dialogue that the child will value for the rest of their life.
  • Apr 30 2011: Thank you for the great topic.

    I think parents should be honest and truthful to their children, explaining about the world and people's behavior as much as possible (within limits given child's age).

    I also agree that parents should share with their children both successes and failures because as long as one learns from failures then failure is nothing to be shame of or something to worry about too much.

    Constant honest communication is the key. I am a friend to my child in the sense of sharing great experiences, being equal as much as possible and making my child feel having control of her life and action, again limited to certain degree based on age and circumstances. Gradually children should gain more and more of their independence and control of their life and destiny =)