- Trevor Mumby
- United Kingdom
Company director, writer, thinker, trainer, UK National Health Service. King Abdulaziz University Hospital Jeddah. Visiting consultant to multi-nationals. Co-Director. Mumb
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Stop throwing verbal hand grenades
There are twelve mannerisms; I call them “hand-grenades”, which cause conflict. I discovered them working over 50 years as a consultant in behavior problems and the last fifteen with people experiencing dementia.
It was the families and carers who really highlighted them, but on reflection, it was seeing what goes on in every day relationships. They are all-pervasive. We humans are swimming in a medium, and like fish in water, we do not know they constitute our medium.
We contradict. We expect gratitude. We express pessimism. We ignore .We interrupt. We irritate. We opinionate. We talk loudly. We undermine. We provoke. We control and We ask too many questions.
These mannerisms have been with us since we started our first conversations in the Stone Ages. They are primitive and second nature to us.
Evidence of their destructive influence is best demonstrated through observing the effect they have on people who are emotionally fragile through the development of dementia.
What confirms the evidence is demonstrated when you STOP using any one of them with a person close to you.
For this debate, may I suggest you reflect on your most frequently used “hand-grenade” and stop using it for 24 hours with the person closest to you?
My wife’s first reaction to me was “are you alright, you haven’t interrupted me all day?” My son said “Dad you have not contradicted me!” Many people, from all walks of life are telling me what difference it has made to them. The “New” word I use is “distinguished” conversation. Once we stop our addiction to using hand grenades, our relationships create well-being, not conflict. I guarantee you will be delighted with the results and enjoy distinguished conversations!