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If raising children is one of the most important things we do in society, shouldn't the subject be directly taught in schools?
Notwithstanding that there are many different approaches which can be taken – and despite the risk of being accused of trying to run a “nanny state” - surely there are some key principles which our young would benefit from being taught at an early age, so that they have the knowledge and skills necessary for when they eventually become parents.
If I wanted to do some paid work in your house on your electrical system, to drive a car, to handle food in a restaurant or even be a nursery school teacher, I would be required to study and pass a test in order to demonstrate an acceptable level of competency in the work to be done. And yet, to breed and play the most important role in the critical formative years of societies next generation, I need no qualifications nor be required to receive any formal teaching on what is involved. Neither am I required to receive guidance in how to cope with the stress of parenthood and how children learn.
Looking at many of the problems, and successes, in society, they so often have factors in the child’s upbringing which play a major part in how children turn out. It is no small coincidence that children of lower income families have a higher propensity to lead a life of crime, or fail to fully engage in the education process which has the potential to help them escape some of the challenges of their youth.
Of course, family life is just one aspect of the many influences on our young. There are many debates about how best to ensure more children have a less disadvantaged start in life and increase their life chances, whether through increased investment in poor communities, or social security payments to the less well off groups in society.
What is missing, in my point of view, is a fully engaged discussion about what capabilities people need to do a great job of raising the next generation, and the legitimate role that state education systems can play.
James Hayward
I think the idea of teaching these concepts in schools is amazing. It would have the potential to change the world.
Brandon Keys
I can’t speak for schools outside the United States, but for those who went to school in America, I think you’ll agree that the American education system is in sore need of an upgrade. The world is changing at such a rapid pace and it’s my strong opinion that there should be more classes dedicated to helping students prepare to be great parents. As well as the ability to cope with the real world once they graduate.
If you look at this generation of students, you’ll find that most are “shell shocked” once they graduate because they had little or no preparation for what was to come, including child development.
High school mostly teaches you to memorize information and to regurgitate it back to your teacher, only to completely erase the information from your mind the moment you walk out after taking the test. This is the first thing that needs to change. Then we can work on what we need to learn.
Melody Austin
Dillan Boutin
George Spilkov
Take children away from parent when they are young, educate them and when they grow up give them access to resources based on their achievements and aptitudes and not on the basis who their daddy is.
So, you may be a child of a millionaire but if you can only deliver mail that is what you are going to do and somebody else that knows how to manage money will inherit and multiply daddy's millions.
That would be a better society based on merit, not on what family one is born into?
George Spilkov
Yes, It should be taught in schools.
However schools are made to weed out the less talented from the rest. The government and the society needs mathematicians, engineers, biologists, chemists, accountant, teachers, solders, workers, etc. Schools by design teach mostly that, not how to be a good parent. There is no apparent value for the society in being a good parent. That is generally considered as something private. Is that correct... I do not know but that is the way it seems to be now. Perhaps if one day being a good parent is something society will begin to value more, then the schools will include it in their curriculum.
Lee Wilkinson 20+
'Notwithstanding that there are many different approaches which can be taken' I would say an infinite number which is why it would be nearly impossible. We have two girls at the moment one is 15 the other 4 and the parenting of them is entirely different. I don't just mean the age gap but the way in which both are or were at 4 so how is it possible to teach this at school. The thing is if we are not prepared for life ourselves how can we prepare another?
Julianne Wurm 500+
Michael Hickey 30+
Society needs to figure this out, just as it has with the existing content of schooling and the rules (laws) that we use to govern society.
For sure, it is personal and there will be many who would want the state to stay away from this area. However, I content that children are not our property, and so it is not acceptable for parents to o a poor job and think it is OK. Society already accepts that broad principle, which is why it is illegal to abuse or neglect children (in some countries even smacking is outlawed). The question is where we draw the line, and why. I maintain that the role of parenting is so important, that we absolutely should consider how schooling can best play a role for all - although it is probably more important for those children who are victims of poor parenting, whatever the reason
Karen Winter
Unfortunately, many of those giving "professional" advice are similarly ignorant. They are sociologists who have observed lots of parents but have none of their own. Or doctors who see a hundred kids a day....for ten minutes each. Or an upwardly mobile couple who have one perfect child and a nanny. These folks are simply not qualified to give parenting advice.
It has been repeatedly demonstrated that it takes 10,000 hours to achieve expertise in any area. This is 2-3 years of 12 hour days, every day. Many parents simply don't spend enough time with children, any children, to achieve any level of proficiency with kids. Additionally, most of our education and training is for linear systems. In linear systems, cause and effect are controllable and predictable. But kids are the ultimate non-linear system: complex, chaotic, and ultimately unpredictable.
So, how do we train great parents?
First, train everyone in how to deal with non-linear systems. This would require a major overhaul of the school system.
Second, make sure pre-parents have chances to interact with young children under the guidance of kid-experienced people. This would required that we re-create mixed age-settings, instead of segregating everyone by age and type.
Third, learn how to be forgiving and non-judgemental of each other. A constant refrain among parents is "I never thought I'd be one of those parents who....." Parenting is indescribably complex. Those who have simple answers probably don't know what they're talking about, and often do more harm than good.
Michael Hickey 30+
The first few points you cover are very well made.
I also love the way that you follow on, and propose ideas for how we might handle such a challenge. Not easy, for sure. I tend to think that even if even we can only help people understand the complexities and get some discussions going at an early age, it will help awareness and foster some further work on enabling some experiential opportunities as the ones you highlite.
Thank you!
vivienne sarobe
I´m a mom, have been a teacher and am a therapist. To think in a non linear way, I find group debates , T groups and therapy to be really supportive. When a group of people who are really involved in something and who have many different experiences and ages and cultural experiences and backgrounds get together to talk about something with respect, a creative experience happens. If we can add technical aid, courage to experiment and enough time, it really takes us places. This is one of them. I´m starting a support group for parents in Madrid, Spain. I hope this will be it´s spirit. I´d love to know if your support groups out there are working!
Frank Cioppa
account removed
- you cannot define what a good parenting is
- parenting is not teachable (because schools are bad, because it is too individual, etc.)
- society has no right to do teach parenting skills
Yet I have seen examples where an advice to parents helped their kids a lot. For example, a psychology student told her aunt about the negative effects of beating children and she realised the harm that may cause her children and stopped using corporal punishment. It was a simple piece of knowledge and it helped greatly.
Intelectuals often think everybody is reasonable and emotionally balanced and they oversee the simple things that can be done to help others.
Did you witness a change in parenting in anyone? What contributed to the change?
chad manderscheid 10+
chad manderscheid 10+
Debra Smith 200+
lynn eschbach 30+
Dominique deSalle 30+
Have I got this right?
lynn eschbach 30+
Dominique deSalle 30+
Jim Moonan 30+
It should be reflected in many, many ways: in how we treat our employees, in the way we fund our schools (in my humble opinion all education should be free), in what we teach them at school, in what kinds of things a town/city (aka village) does to socialize children and instill a sense of responsibility to others, in how we use the cultural arts to give children a sense of what is beautiful and meaningful. and so on and so forth.
So I think the "big picture" solution to raising children is "it takes a village".
chad manderscheid 10+
Michael Hickey 30+
Gerry Mann
I suggest we re-frame the question to be: "How do we raise our children more effectively?"
Having said that, Mick is the proposer of the question, and it's really up to him.
Michael Hickey 30+
I chose to focus on one aspect, but completetly agree that it is, therefore, limited.
I'd love to read your bigger question one day....
Julie Ann 10+
"Family studies is an interdisciplinary subject area integrating social and physical sciences in the study of topics arising from daily life. It includes the study of individual and family development,relationships, parenting, decision making, resource management, food and nutrition, clothing and textiles, housing, and health sciences. Courses in family studies allow students to develop critical and creative thinking skills, and to gain the hands-on experience they need to develop practical skills and understanding. In certain courses (Living and Working With Children, Parenting, Issues in Human Growth and Development, and Parenting and Human Development), many of the expectations will be achieved through practical experiences, including those gained in work placements arranged through cooperative education or work experience programs."
I believe the parenting course requires that, with parent's permission, students take home a "simulated baby" doll for one night. I have heard that the students' responses to having to wake up every hour to rock a crying baby to sleep, and then function at school the next day, are not very positive. :-) Cheers.
Debra Smith 200+
In my day we took Home Economics and that was a great help with cooking, sewing, etc. but not so much with children. The new courses in the Ontario cirriculum appear to be much more helpful.
Julie Ann 10+
Edward Medeiros 20+
Rory Fitzgerald
I think you do have a good idea here, but i think you're missing a key point.
The fact of the matter is that most of the people in our society who responsibly have children already know how to take care of their own and raise them in a fairly responsible way.
The real problem, unfortunately, are low income families, who will literally have children to attain extra money through federal programs such as welfare.
I currently work at an elementary school which has a rather high level of low income children coming from families just like what i described above. These are the children that need to be taught, but unfortunately by the time most of these kids get into school they are already horribly maladjusted by their general home life.
I would have to say that I don't think its the responsibility of the school to try and teach parenting to children, rather, we should try and change something in the system so that the parents teach their kids this.
Dominique deSalle 30+
I understand the challenge children from low-income families face in an institutional setting but I feel these children are being unfairly singled out.
Every single educator is and has to be university-trained. Clearly not every low-income family has or will or will even want to have access to this opportunity. Consequently we often find these two parties at odds with one another.
The righteousness of the higher educated can at times be over-bearing.
Michael Hickey 30+
Attitudes of people who think they are superior is always unpleasant - whether because they are higher educated, of a "superior" religion, country, social class, profession etc etc.
For me, it is not about singling out poorer kids. It is simply asking how we can improve parenting skills. No doubt there are other things that can be done in terms of social engineering (we do it anyway) but as we have a captured audience at school maybe this is one place to intervene...
Dominique deSalle 30+
I have become alarmed at the poor parenting practices of the upwardly mobile, post-secondary trained, dual-income, technologically-savvy middle class (the absenteeism of 'hands-on" parenting in the upper class is also problematic).
These parents have an enormous ambition for successful consumerism, not only for themselves but also attempt to transfer this drive on to their children. From the earliest age the child is enrolled in advanced placement programs and re-programmed from being inherently play-driven to be artificially implanted to become similarly success-driven.
With all good intentions, I am sure, they focus quickly on getting what is often called a "head start" for their child. A leg-up in the rat race, so to speak. As though a child needs to enter a race, let alone a spirit-crushing rat race, at this point in their lives.
I like to call this type of thinking the "Ready, Fire, Aim" method.
The child is over-stimulated, over-stressed, burdened and essentially burned-out before their age reaches the double-digits. Youth is truly wasted on the young.
Whether all this is done for the child or for the parents latte-sipping, power luncheon bragging rights, is yet to be seen.
Yet no one seems the slightest bit concerned over these parenting skills. What's worse, schools too have now bought into this maladjusted concept. Early learning programs, which are supposed to be play-based, suddenly are speaking about pushing curriculum downward.
C'mon, we're talking about 'capturing' children as young as age three! Are you OK with this?
Here's the thing. Parents today overall aren't a very good lot. They aren't even an overall very bad lot. Know what I'm saying? (just had to use this phrase even though I detest it)
Michael Hickey 30+
As a society, we don't seem to value full time parenting, with parents often talking about THEIR need for intellectual stimulation as the reason for not being prepared to be a full time parent.Net, there is a lot to be said for a thorough debate and re-examination of what's important. I think that it all centres around what good parenting looks like, which includes the necessity to consider what is good for the child. Actually, there was a very good response put forward by Gerry Mann recently, who suggested that a better question would be "How do we raise our children more effectively?"
Dominique deSalle 30+
A well-thought, fair and critical view of present middle class parenting. You are very brave to do this as this group is not inclined to accept criticism. In their quest, they are more apt to point out failures in others, mostly institutions, than to accept any responsibility on their own part.
We taught them this, and they learned well.
Lance Miller
The moment that teaching becomes a job other than a passion, the benefits begin to diminish. If there was enough emphasis on individual creativity and a focus on essential life principles and techniques, there would be less need to fix adults and the world in general. There may have been some paradigm shifts in education, as far as teaching kids investing money and health innovations, but it is far from what is crucial and impacting.
When something like The Secret or the Law of Attraction comes out, the adult world gets phenomenally engrossed in the concepts. Life is no secret and most principles and techniques have been around since as far back as we can record. They are the most important to health and an abundant and respectful life, but they are not covered. We will probably still teach the food group importance from an old perspective, but there won't be any education about a proper diet from today's discoveries. Maybe children should be sent home with some material for homework that helps educate the entire family together and allows for the children to teach.
The fact children spend a great deal of time in school at an influential age means a large responsibility falls on the educational system to parent. If you are a role model and respected figure, your actions, beliefs and messages become an essential foundation. Children should be inspired and encouraged to pay it forward, they should be taught to lead and to evaluate.
With all due respect, I don't need a formal university education to teach grade school children. I don't need to have a standard curriculum given to me to be followed. I need to love, care and guide those children as if they were my own.
Michael Hickey 30+
I say that we should have a very good structure which is then ade better by the approach of the teachers concerned.
Dominique deSalle 30+
(1) the individual is no longer held ultimately responsible for the actions s/he takes. There is a bonafide excuse or exit strategy created, and
(2) the state, meaning in this case the educational system and effectively the teaching force, assumes responsibility and with this the liability for the actions of that individual.
You understand how the burden of responsibility shifts?
Now, individual teachers are protected to a certain extent from personal liability however increasing the expectations for responsibility of such institutions over personal and individual rights, freedoms and responsibilities has its drawbacks.
Reducing or removing responsibility and accountability from someone's actions is something I hope you can understand is not advantageous to some. This could, and in all likelihood would place the child at even a greater potential risk.
Like it or not, being held responsible for ones actions by law does produce an effective deterrence factor.
Michael Hickey 30+
If only we could maintain a situation where people believe they remain accountable, and see school etc as a resource, then we can possible have a better outcome. I feel as though innocent kids are paying the price of poor parenting and it just does not seem right.
I know we can't fix everything, but just wonder if we are missing a trick by not focussing on this area.
account removed
I agree it is a vital thing to teach future parents and there are lots of materials on how to do it - not on cognitive but on emotional level.
Rob Appleby
I have two.... and I'm not entirely sure I'm doing it 'right' anyway.
If we could find someone who knows exactly how to raise children, we could ask them to write the curriculum.
Sandra Ramirez
James Houston
Ari Hahn
There are many fully engaged discussions concerning the capabilities require for successful parenting in the fields of psychology, sociology, psychiatry, social work, and recently neuropsychology and other fields. We simply do not have even the beginning of a real idea of how to answer the question. It was about 100 years ago when Watson claimed that with enough control over the environment he could produce any type of person from any infant. Since that time society has believed that we have no control over our overt behavior (psychodynamics) to no free choice but complete control (behaviorism) to free choice (humanistic psychology.) Today we are looking more and more into biological processes that effect parenting. See the TED talk concerning the importance of human interactions in development of language between the ages of 6-10 months. Look at Ken Robinson's talk on creativity in schools.
While parenting worked fairly well in the centuries prior to the industrial revolution, we have hardly caught up socially with the technological advances that have been seen in the industrialized world. I would venture to say that it is at least equally valid and viable option to devise a system where more, nay, much more power to influence a child's education is put in the hands of parents, while still giving the schools the responsibility to teach trades....