Vera Nova

Director Research Analysis, NOVA Town Futuristic Development

This conversation is closed.

DO WE REALLY FALL IN LOVE WITH A REAL PERSON, OR WITH A "THING IN ITSELF" THAT WE WILL NEVER KNOW?

No one can reflect any thing or any living creature in mind as it is. All people are "things in themselves".

What is it we perceive and sense in our minds that so magnetically attracts our sensations and feelings?

Sometimes individuals sacrifice their life for someone who they idealize, fantasizing who this person is, but knowing so little about him/her, prefering to be blinded by their own fantasies.

Are we in love with our own fantasies?

One is loving something that is pleasing one's physical sense-perceptions: looks, sounds, taste, shapes even when those "things" or individuals are artificially "fixed"?

What is the difference between loving those feelings delivered through our physical bodies and brains ---- and loving non-physical dreams, ideas, or god, when our love becomes a bliss empowered within our deep subconsciousness?

Why a person we so like at fisrt often becomes an object of our bitter disappointment as soon as we know this person closer?

After all Do we really love our images and ideas?

Why is that often the words we exchange do not match our imaginative charachters we love in our minds, and eventually break our love relationship with a real person?

Are we all those "things-in-themselves"?

  • Mar 20 2014: Relationships? That is to complicated for my feeble mind to comprehend. For instance in a two person mix there are at least six personas. 1) the person I really am 2) the person I think I am 3) the person the other person thinks I am and then there is 4) the other person as they are 5) the other person as they think they are 6) the other person as I think they are
    Now you got six personas already not to mention any of them can and do take on other personalities and roles at will. For instances am I talking to your child (the part of you that is happy and wants to play) or the adult (which wants to be responsible and everything to make sense) or maybe the business persona (which wants to be organized and profitable) or maybe the entertainer (which wants to be funny and likeable) or the artist (which wants to be mysterious, appreciated and taken seriously).
    So my question is, in the morning when I wake up next to you, hypothetically of course, who am I going be and who am I going to meet? :)

    Love and or relationships are dependent on the art of compromise.
    • thumb
      Mar 20 2014: Hello Keith. You have sent an e-mail through ted -

      but I see no message.

      Please find my comment (any comment) and punch that REPLY link, then write your note.

      Would be great to hear from you. Like your contemplation of multiple charachters we have to deal with...
      • Mar 20 2014: Vera I was just trying to let you know that when you reply to someone's comment you have to hit the reply button on their comment other wise it goes into the default which could be anywhere. Anyway to correct it I just copy the comment, go back to where I wanted it in the first place and hit the reply button there and paste it. I then go back and delete the comment that went into the wrong place. I do it all the time even tho I know better.

        I also added that you can change any part of your conversation until it is closed. For instance this conversation is scheduled to close in one day so if you wanted to extend the time to up to a month you can click the edit button and see what your option are. Sometimes I extend them and sometimes I get frustrated and close them earlier. Also you can edit any of the other text or links at any time, it is your conversation and you have complete control over it. I sometimes add more links or text as the conversation goes along. Anyway I will check back later to see how you are doing. I sent this message to your email button on your profile because it has little to do with the current conversation. Good luck.
        • thumb
          Mar 21 2014: I'd love to extend the conversation time-vise but it does not work..

          Write anything you wish, here or there, I'll read it.
        • thumb
          Mar 21 2014: I'd like to help Marika - an independent lonely soul.
          let me know what you think
          Best wishes
  • Comment deleted

    • thumb
      Mar 11 2014: In my modest opinion you have a really great point, Jonathan. I do too think that love is a lot to do with our survival instinct. We idealize and love a person, our god, our country, or families… one needs support in almost everything one does.

      When you’ve mentioned "a biological rendition" you sound like a popular science magazine. Well, you make it less "mechanistic" saying "but we make more out of it."

      While we research biological status of our physical bodies, see something under microscopes watching brain neurons, chemical reactions, or genes, our nature plays its fantastic transformations beyond our comprehension or awareness.
      It is hard for someone to admit that whatever we see/discover and glue some name to it, is not what it is "out there" but only our perceptions of something upon which we uniquely react. We can only somehow "detect" our own reactions (in various forms)

      We get excited over some forms of art for the reason that we feel some interactive power we produce that is still beyond our
      understanding however, we produce it and live on it.
  • thumb
    Mar 2 2014: Do you mean if we love the idea of being in love rather than loving a real person?
    In more ways than one, I feel we lack the wisdom when it is most needed. Romantic love is one.
    • thumb
      Mar 2 2014: I do believe that we are made of dreams - lively and stupid, ugly and cruel, or blissful or even magnificent.

      My main point ---- is that I'd like people to be aware of the fact that no human or animal is possible for us to see as it is.

      We are very limited by nature's laws to see outer to us realities, and therefore, we somehow might see and sense something "over there", like it or hate it - but all we sense would be only about our own internal impressions...

      We need to learn not to judge others in general, but only for ourselves, and only in our own personal situation.

      As I have already mentioned - there is no school that teaches us to ethically co-exist with one another, based on this nature's law of great Limitations of perceptions.

      People still need to understand that they actually cannot Love a truly Real person as he/she is, but we can only be EMOTIONALLY TUNED to someone, temporary or to the rest of our own existence.

      In case if something is surprising us in the beloved person's or animal behavior, when it does not natch our expectations, we shall try to understand more about that person --- or just put up with it - well, if we're truly devoted to love that person.


      But we shall remember no matter how "madly" we want our dream to be real - we may never "know" this person or an animal we are emotionally tuned to. But we may know ourselves and adjust or change our dreams.
      • thumb
        Mar 3 2014: I do not agree Vera, that we "actually cannot love a truly real person as he/she is". I've observed lots of people in very long term relationships....(40 - 50- 60+ years), who totally, unconditionally, know, understand, and accept themselves and each other as s/he is.

        It seems like you do not have a very good perception about relationships, and I'm sorry about that Vera.
      • Mar 10 2014: Is it a crime to Dream ?
    • thumb
      Mar 3 2014: Pabitra,
      You write...."we lack the wisdom when it is most needed". Is that similar to saying "love is blind"? We "fall in love"? Perhaps we have the wisdom, logical reasoning ability, and other elements of the relationship take over, causing blindness to the wisdom? Causing us to "fall" into a relationship without paying attention to all appropriate information? Would you say that may be similar to lacking wisdom?
      • thumb
        Mar 3 2014: Romantic love is short sighted, if not blind. It can hardly be the basis of a long term relationship. It will be silly, IMO, to expect a spousal relationship to be drawing its energy entirely from romance. A parental, mentoral or ideology based relationship does not suffer such upheavals in the long term as spousal relationship does.

        Sadly this realization comes at a point of life when romantic relationships fall far below in life's priority list.
        • thumb
          Mar 9 2014: Logically you think correctly, but I've seen very happy couples living together for many years, old, and so in love! they're miraculously believing that their dream is still very beautiful and each of them is beautiful :) Lucky dreamers!
      • thumb
        Mar 10 2014: It will be pertinent to mention my parents here who are married for 60 years now. When I see them, it appears to me I am looking at the same person in two different bodies. I find that amazing.
        When asked both of them say that it is way more than romantic love that kept them together for so long.
        • thumb
          Mar 10 2014: Pabitra,
          Do you suppose an individual's interpretation of "romantic" could influence our perception and experience? The definition of romantic has a pretty broad base.

          For example, I sometimes observe older people who have been in a very long term partnership, and the way they look at each other, or interact with each other feels romantic to me.

          Part of the definition is "adventurous" and "having passionate love". I have an adventurous, passionate life....I feel these qualities while in the gardens, by myself. Based on my own experience, a person can live a "romantic" life, and whether one chooses to share that romance with a partner or not, there can still be romance in one's life. Personally, I believe that romantic relationships never "fall far below in life's priority list"....for me, it is part of the whole life package....as long as I am on this earth school:>)

          Kudos to your parents my friend. My parents were together for 65 years, and unfortunately, I cannot think of any moments that appeared to be "romantic" with them.
      • thumb
        Mar 10 2014: Dear Colleen,
        I was referring to the popular meaning of romance in the context of relationship between individuals. It is true that romance is a broad idea and it applies to life in a more general way. So just because someone is single does not mean the person has no romance.
        The little experience that I have of life makes me believe that romantic love is overrated. This overrating creates over-expectations while having relationships. Life is a far larger canvas where we draw our ways into each others companionship in myriad colors of emotions - romantic love is just one color. I cannot imagine a painting in a single color.
        I have never seen my parents lovey dovey in my whole life. When my mother is angry with my father she addresses him as Mr. I find that so beautiful.
        • thumb
          Mar 10 2014: It is indeed beautiful Mr. Mukhopadhyay!

          Overrating and over-expectations can be found sometimes in any life experience....can they not?

          I agree that life is a far larger canvas where we draw our ways into each others companionship in myriad colors of emotions, and that is why I perceive many different colors to romantic love:>)
  • Feb 27 2014: Most people make up a fantasy roughly based on another person. They fall in love with the fantasy. They then get angry with the other person when the reality doesn't match the fantasy.
    • thumb
      Mar 1 2014: Super comment, Bryan. It is a common case. However, people do not at all realize what they do.

      I only can add that some lucky ones are so desperate to have someone that they do not notice the difference between their dream-person and athe real one.

      Maybe it is about the character that is capable of some tolerance?
      • thumb
        Mar 1 2014: Vera,
        "People do not at all realize what they do?" Are you speaking for all people? In that case, I disagree.

        You say..."Some lucky ones are so desperate to have someone that they do not notice the difference......"
        How is that "lucky"?
        • thumb
          Mar 1 2014: No, Colleen, I do not mean - absolutely all people are like that - but the majority is.

          We have so many disappointed, frastrated and even angry people around ! because they have some unreal image in their minds that does not match their real spouses or lovers, or even employees and partners. This can badly effect other people around, children, friends and coworkers.

          Perhaps, in our elementary school, along with math and grammar, we shall learn that we cannot see one another as we really are, only feel some of our differences and similarities and only to a great limit. Therefore, an image in our minds is impossible to match what is really "out there".

          Somehow, from our early childhood we need to deal with real characters, perhaps adjust ourselves to others as much as we can, or run away, but not to be so tragic if the one we choose eventually appears not at all to be what we want. We have to learn how to let go... in stead of creating andless fights and arguments. This means - we have to separate our dream from a real person and let the real one go.

          I was Tragic, lots of times, when my partners did not manage to do their work...even when they tried. I did everything to understand them and their reasons, and I did - to some point - but I had to do all their work, by myself...

          Thank you for your good question.
        • thumb
          Mar 2 2014: Dear colleen
          How are you?
          I always like your thoughts and here also thums up :)
        • thumb
          Mar 2 2014: Dear Veera
          I think you are talking about Judging the people. If you are falling in love with a thing or person that mean you have feelings for that and those feelings cannot be created thats natural. But before feeling for someone you can't put a condition that you will get the same feelings from other side also.
      • thumb
        Mar 1 2014: I think/feel we CAN see one another as we really are Vera, if we open our heart and mind to that possibility, rather than trying to make another person "fit" an expectation of what we think they "should" be.

        I do not agree with the idea to "adjust ourselves to others". A certain level of compromise is good, and when we "adjust" ourselves to others in an imbalanced way, that is when one may feel disappointed, frustrated and angry. Perhaps it is beneficial to "let go" of expectations?

        Is it more beneficial to let the "real one go"? Or might it be more beneficial to let go of our expectations?

        I am sorry you felt that you were doing all the work by yourself Vera.
        • thumb
          Mar 2 2014: Your comment "Perhaps it is beneficial to 'let go' of expectations?" is really great !

          It is workable in some cases, indeed.

          " if we open our heart and mind to that possibility, rather than trying to make another person 'fit' an expectation of what we think they 'should' be." In this case it is our HEART that accepts the person, not our mind or logic.

          In this case it is one's kindness that "manages" or puts up with one's relationship. But it might be very easy abused.

          I never forget that every individual is also creates its own character, naturally or artificially, (we've had this topic in our previous conversation - about natural acting) with which one does not want to be a part. This makes things much more complicated- say, "I want to play with you my own character" and "your character shall match mine!"

          What makes things much worse is that the images people see on tv or in movies, or in books - make them want to believe that this should be happening in their life.
        • Mar 10 2014: We can do this. It's very hard work. We are indoctrinated from very early on to avoid doing this. Men are taught that women exist to serve men, so it doesn't matter what a woman is really like, she'll turn into what he wants. Women are taught that it is their duty to "fix" men, so it doesn't matter what a man is really like, she'll "make him better". Adulthood includes breaking this programming. Very many people fail to do so.
      • thumb
        Mar 2 2014: Thanks Vera:>)

        With expectations, we often set ourselves up for disappointment, so I believe generally, it is beneficial to let go of expectations.

        That's why I think/feel it is so important to "know thyself".....are we creating unrealistic expectations? Are we expecting something that another person is unwilling or unable to give?

        I believe it is generally our heart AND mind which accepts a person or not. We can try to logically make a person "fit" our expectations if we want to try that.....usually doesn't work very well for anybody though.

        People can take advantage of another person's kindness....that is true Vera. That is another reason to "know thyself". When we are clear with our self, it is more difficult for people to take advantage of us.

        Images of people on tv or movies can influence us if we allow that to happen. Again....if we know our self, it is more difficult for others to mislead us, abuse us, or influence us in a way that we do not choose.
        • thumb
          Mar 2 2014: I so like your thoughts ! It took me very many years to learn how to defend myself from manipulations that were explained as "love", "care" even "help" etc., Honesty and openness do not help in this case - only allow others to take advantage of you, and hide their own "ideas".

          Some people, like you, and if you allow me to join your company, myself, in terms of enjoying to give without expecting any "tangible" returns and favors - are getting easily over-used...

          There is not much of a choice - either you stay away from others (that's what I'm doing now)
          or keep spending your whole life on pleasing and helping others, who want more and more...
      • thumb
        Mar 2 2014: Dear Veera
        don't be biased while talking on this topic.
        From your comment it seems that you don't believe in love and dreams.
        Love cannot be created its natural and whatever you said like someone desperately needs someone. So it can be a attraction but If you are talking about Love then be specific.
        • thumb
          Mar 3 2014: Hi Sam.....nice to see you!

          I agree with your comment, and could not respond there...

          It is not productive, or truly loving to ."... put a condition that you will get the same feelings from other side also."

          Thank you for your kind words in your other comment. I'm good.....how are you my friend?
        • thumb
          Mar 3 2014: Sam, I'm just wondering if we all can learn this in elementary schools: do not expect others to understand you the same way as you understand yourself.

          My own experience is very different from other people's experience. I cannot tell you any of my stories that would sound typical for others.

          Except one thing that I might say, is constantly typical in my life - people create my image in their minds according to whatever they "know" about artists or musicians, therefore, my character shall be "unpredictable" "mysterious" "suddenly changing" "unrealistic"... and commonly people SUSPECT me to be all that. Even those who know me for years see me as an endless show, amusement and... whatever excites them. But I do not feel I'm a "show".


          I do make very direct, easy contacts, but ONLY with young children, animals or birds, we feel immediate mutual trust and almost blissful emotional comfort, without any words... It is about almost indescribable sense of recognition of one another, respect of each other as independent souls. (No words, silly names or ids needed) I can express all my kindness and admiration, instantly, using no words.

          This is something that most of adults are not able to sense, many have no idea that it is possible.
      • thumb
        Mar 3 2014: I agree Vera, that sometimes people may use manipulative practices under the guise of love, caring or helping. In my perception, those are controlling practices rather than loving practices.

        How can one feel "overused" if one is genuinely giving without expectations?

        I agree Vera, we have a choice to "stay away from others" in general, and we have a choice to stay away from those who seem to continually manipulate and try to control. When we know what we truly want in a relationship, it becomes easier to perceive manipulation/control or genuine, unconditional love.

        There is a lot of space between totally staying away from others, and/or spending a whole life pleasing and helping others who want more. It is our choice where and with whom we continue relationships, and how much we are willing and able to give.
        • thumb
          Mar 9 2014: Sorry i forgot to tel you that I am also good. :)
      • thumb
        Mar 5 2014: Dear Veera and Colleen

        Please pardon me if i said anything wrong but i am just trying to put my views.
        Let me give you an example:-
        Suppose i joined one school today and like in every school students are talking about teachers and i am listening to that but it is very hard for me to not create an image of teachers by listening, everyone knows its wrong but its human nature.
        Whatever wrong image here developed will definitely vanish with time. As per my experience do not pay attention to others thinking about you because everyone have right to think anything about anyone. If you are good with me and we have strong bond then your relation with others doesn't matter for me.
        If i know i am good and right then i will not care about others thinking. You can't expect others to think good about you. If i am good to veera then its not necessary for colleen to like me.
        • thumb
          Mar 9 2014: I DO like you Sam!!! I know....you are using that as an example:>)

          I agree to a certain extent with not being concerned with what others think and feel about us. That being said however, it is good to use feedback to evaluate ourselves. We can consider the thoughts, feelings and words of others as they express them, and if we "know" our "self", we can sift through that information as a way of learning about ourselves and others......what do you think about that?
    • Mar 10 2014: Fantasy just not applies to LOVE only . It applies to everything . There are two worlds in this world. One is the world which talks and one is the world which walks. But, the world which walks does not walks which the world talks. But, the walk of the world is totally different from what it talks.

      example :

      TALK : We should not make relationship based on how much wealth or money a person has .

      WALK : When faced with practicality then we look for how much wealth or how much money a person has.


      This happens all over the world irrespective of any country.
  • thumb
    Mar 21 2014: “No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
    ― Gautama Buddha
  • thumb
    Mar 20 2014: Cannot agree more with you and could not put it better than you do:

    For instance in a two person mix there are at least six personas. 1) the person I really am 2) the person I think I am 3) the person the other person thinks I am and then there is 4) the other person as they are 5) the other person as they think they are 6) the other person as I think they are

    I'd like to add to it - you also act as all those characters in your own mind just in order to see what might be happening among characters. But they're Not Real people.

    I guess I might have an answer to " So my question is, in the morning when I wake up next to you, hypothetically of course, who am I going be and who am I going to meet?"

    You have to Create an image of a person next to you, in your mind. We cannot see others there're "things-in-themselves". We may never visit other's playhouses of minds, for real.

    Then What is my body doing here or there? Does it show/express my mind, my Self, my real character?

    I think the body is just a vehicle that we may drive around like we driving a car. It's appearance can deceive many people, it may look attractive or ugly, has a powerful engine or broken parts, but the mind, or Self, is the driver no one can see.

    When we look at one another we commonly believe that we look at someone as he/she is. Our perceiving of others and our environment, tiny particles under the microscope or the grand universe - is a very complicated process.

    This might be some answer to some point - the process of perceiving is not for reflect anything as it is. Therefore, we have to make up something of what we may sense from our constant interactions with our environment and beyond..

    Why do we have to internally act as very many characters not just one?

    In order to sense or understand we have to constantly Compare many of our sensation, images, sounds, ideas.
    We need to keep comparing sensations awake/asleep, or we cannot sense a thing.

    Super thinking, Keith
    • Mar 21 2014: "But they're Not Real people."
      There is only one you at a time and that one, at that moment, is always right. However are brain is the greatest multi-tasker in the world. It can switch characters, language and perception almost instantly at will. I am sure you have watched comedians do it for fun and entertainment. Actors call it getting into character. They study and imitate the character until their own mind believes they "are" the character and if they are really good they make us believe that they are the character.
      The thing that makes it real or not real is "belief", plus it is time and space sensitive as all things are.
      Back to "always right", all minds cannot function any other way. Even crazy people are subject to that law. When a crazy person sees stuff that you do not see it is what they believe and that is what makes it real to them. Just like waking up from a nightmare where you believed you were in some kind of danger, you could be sweating and horrified when you wake up and even though it was simply thoughts in your head, it was very real at the time. Again the only difference between real and not real is your belief. Your mind makes it so.
      "Nothing exists outside the mind for it is the mind that makes it so"- Keith W Henline

      "Why do we have to internally act as very many characters not just one?"
      Our minds love to exercise and is very capable of playing out several scenarios in any given situation. I think it does it because it is bored to death of the same old routine or you asking it the same old questions over and over again. It's the kid in us that loves to play, it the adult that loves to be challenged, it's the artist that wants to create. After all it is the most advanced thinking machine in the world sitting on top of the most advanced powerhouse of a body, don't you think it wants to get out there on the freeway to the stars?
      I liked your analogy of the body is like a car, probably a Ferrari.
      • thumb
        Mar 21 2014: I had that topic previously "Why we have to act as very many characters in our minds..."


        I guess it's expired. Sorry, we cannot proceed for more than 20 hours or so with this conversation. Would you like to publish some related to this coversation topic?


        No one really thought in this direction (natural ability to act) before - you're the fist person who feels what I'm taking about. We are all born with that superb primordial INTERNAL acting ability... without which no image, no thought or any communication activity is ever possible for any individual living form.

        My work is directly related to this pioneering observation on human perceptions... I have a lot to share
        • Mar 21 2014: I think you covered the topic pretty well by the way we have a mutual friend Dr, Marika who wanted me to work with you as I build her a website for her project. You can email me anytime from my profile or keithwhenline@gmail.com to talk about other stuff like that.
          It was very nice talking with you, I see you already met Colleen our blackbelt inspirational personality in here and probably the whole state of Vermont. By the way you know I only live a couple miles from you on Charleston and Rainbow. Sweet dreams I talk more tomorrow:)
          One last thing about love and your topic: http://youtu.be/GPGfebToOYg
      • thumb
        Mar 21 2014: You're a poet+ Socrates, Keith.
        "It's the kid in us that loves to play, it the adult that loves to be challenged, it's the artist that wants to create. After all it is the most advanced thinking machine in the world sitting on top of the most advanced powerhouse of a body, don't you think it wants to get out there on the freeway to the stars?"
  • thumb
    Mar 15 2014: Sometimes I think that the authentic, primordial sense of LOVE comes from our desire/urge to possess something, eat it and turn it into ourselves.

    The rest of the variety of our LOVING nature develops based on our character, mentality, experience and the level of intuition.

    Sounds extreme?

    The most beautiful and the most powerful experience of love is non-physical in its nature, and not at all always between humans.
    • Mar 21 2014: "desire/urge to possess something, eat it and turn it into ourselves"
      This is a very unhealthy form of love, they made a whole movie about his called "Silence of the Lambs". The key that unlocked the mystery was "that urge to be attracted to things close to us, the things we see everyday". That goes back as far as our history to the "hunter/gatherers", it is the gatherer part. Our need to gather "stuff" to own it, to posses it, it becomes, "we think" who we are. It was and is the single most destructive force on the planet. All of our other evils decent from this core principal. In other words to put it lightly "most humans are rotten to the core". Fortunately they are people who can see the core as it is and some have made great strides to correct this basic flaw of human nature. There are things we can do to lessen the pain, and it is massively painful. Meditation is at the top of the list, meditation slows down the "grand central" traffic in our brain enough so that we can begin to "see" out of the forest that has grown around our selves. In very deep meditation we can come out into the meadows and watch the flowers, butterflies and birds exercise their freedom. In very, very deep meditation we can climb to the mountain top where most of the earthly traffic sounds dies away and feel real peace, freedom and love for the first time. It is at this point that you realize that you are perfection, you do not need anything, you understand that the whole universe is not something to possess, it is you and you are it. You do not need anything because you already have everything there is. There is nothing more to "have".
      This is the way the Buddha described it:
      "Nirvana is this moment seen directly. There is no where else than here. The only gate is now. The only doorway is your own body and mind. There’s nowhere to go. There’s nothing else to be. There’s no destination. It’s not something to aim for in the afterlife. It’s simply the quality of this moment."
  • thumb
    Mar 9 2014: Dear Colleen
    I agree with you.
    We have to consider the feelings and thoughts of others about us then only we can know about us but my point was do not just blindly believe in that as many people do.
  • thumb
    Mar 2 2014: Hello Sam. Not only Love I'm talking about - but about how limited we are in understading and seeing one another.

    How easily we create our own impressions/images of others in our minds, and treat others accordingly to what we think they are.

    I'm wondering if it's ever possible for people to somehow learn about the unavoidable fact --- we cannot see one another as we really are. Therefore, we have to find some mutual way to co-exist, without demanding others to change just to fit some imaginative ideas.

    Well, if I'm talking about my own experience and experience with which lots of people (especially men) I know have shared with me, I must repeat - people like their own dreams and ideas which do not match real persons - this creates a ton of frustration. In my own case everyone who "loved" me wanted to Change me and simplify my charachter - I was explained - I was "too much" and "too complicated and unpredictable". But I felt that someone who wants to "simplify" my life just wants to control me and adjust to one's dream-idea.

    The problem is rooted in our ignorance about our own nature - everyone is unique and everyone is "a-thing-in-itself" which is a law of nature. Learning how to ethically co-exist with one another - is missing in all schools.
    • thumb
      Mar 5 2014: Hello Veera,

      I agree with you. Whatever you are saying is 100% true.
      but humans can't stop to create others images because its a natural process.
      For example:- Suppose coleen said some things about you to me like she is dominant, and etc etc So definitely i will create an image of you in my mind and whenever i meet you then also i will focus on those points but when i spend some time with you then i will create other image which i can say the true image So i just want to say the images in mind are not permanent , give some time for change.
      And you said " people like their own dreams and ideas which do not match real persons" its true but you can't neglect this. Here comes the adjustment not change.
  • thumb
    Mar 2 2014: Your comment "Perhaps it is beneficial to 'let go' of expectations?" is really great !

    It is workable in some cases, indeed.

    " if we open our heart and mind to that possibility, rather than trying to make another person 'fit' an expectation of what we think they 'should' be." In this case it is our HEART that accepts the person, not our mind or logic.

    In this case it is one's kindness that "manages" or puts up with one's relationship. But it's very easy to be abused.

    I never forget that every individual is also creates its own character, naturally or artificially, (we've had this topic in our previous conversation - about natural acting) with which one does not want to be a part. This makes things much more complicated- say, "I want to play with you my own character" and "your character shall match mine in that play!"

    What makes things much worse is that the images people see on tv or in movies, or in books - make them want to believe that this should be happening in their life.
    • thumb
      Mar 5 2014: Hey Vera
      As you said many wants some changes in you but you still the same So please be the same. :)
      Never change yourself for anyone. Adjustment we have to accept.
      • thumb
        Mar 5 2014: What a lovely, kind post! Thank you. Well, I stopped trying to please the majority of others who want to adjust me to their ignorance and conventional formulars as a guidance for life. I do change myself to improve my skills and learn how to better communicate with others, but only when I have to. (I appreciate my ted experience, talking to people who do not know me)

        I guess the best way for each of us to change for the better is to change ourselves by ourselves, based on our talent, but without compromises.

        Thank you again.
        • Mar 10 2014: One thing I often hear, everyone says change ourselves change yourself . Does everything will be okay merely by changing ourselves or changing yourself either way.

          What one thing would you like Dalai Lama to change so that he should reclaim his land and bring back his people to the land who are living in exile in other countries ?
  • thumb
    Mar 1 2014: I think in general Vera, we find what we are looking for. If a person is seeking a "real person" they might like to truly "know", that is what s/he will connect with. If a person is seeking a "thing" that s/he will never know, that is what that person will probably connect with as well.
  • Feb 27 2014: Once I fell in Love , Till that time I have never been able to stand up....

    Let me stand up , I will be back with my commentary ....
    • thumb
      Mar 9 2014: Wondering what would be your commentary next time?

      We are the only creators of our own dreams and beliefs. Have lots of them.
      • Mar 10 2014: When you log into TED Site then what happens ?

        When you log into TED Site then a session is maintained between your client browser and the web server of the TED and this happens through Cookies.

        So,When two people fall in love then Cookies one person gets installed inside the brain of the other person . And the Cookies of the other person gets installed inside the brain of the previous person.And then a Session is established which we call LOVE.

        This is a Technological Definition of Love.

        If a woman says that I can't marry you because you don't have enough wealth. Then what it has to do with my Dreams and Beliefs ?

        Beliefs are based on track records or certain patterns of the past. When something happens repeatedly then we develop beliefs.

        Once a King donated a baby calf to the priest. And the priest was happy with the donation. After taking the calf from the king the priest started his journey towards his home . And while this was happening , Four mischievous thieves chalked out plan to take away the calf from priest.

        They all planted themselves at certain distances on the road , on which the priest was traveling with the donated calf.

        After walking some distance the priest came across the one thief . The mischievous thief asked a question to him.

        O,Priest where are you going with a donkey !

        The surprised priest said no its not a donkey but its a calf.

        Then after after some more distance , the priest came across the second thief. And the second thief also asked him the same question.

        O' priest where are you going with a donkey !

        Then again the priest said that its not a donkey but its a calf

        By, now the priest had developed the confusion that whether the king has donated him calf or the donkey.

        After walking some more distance ,the priest came across the third one , and same thing happened.

        By, Now the priest had developed the doubt and started to think almost 90 % that the king has donated him a donkey.

        And, when the priest came across the .....
      • Mar 10 2014: And when the priest came across the fourth one and then again same thing happened . By, now the priest had developed the belief that the king has definitely donated him the donkey.
  • thumb
    Feb 23 2014: When we create our own image in minds for ourselves it never deceives us. “Dreaming about being an actress, is more exciting then being one.”
    ― Marilyn Monroe
  • thumb
    Feb 23 2014: Many people create a dream and fall in love with it - then they are impatiently looking for someone to match that dream. In reality no one can become someone else's dream. Disappointment, defeat, and despair may be devastating.

    Many times we have been victims of our own illusions.