TED Conversations

Singer Songwriter & Vocal Coach, Lizanne Hennessey - Voice Coach

TEDCRED 50+

This conversation is closed.

Is it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?

I think the question is self-explanatory, and am curious what your own answer is on this age-old dilemma! Personal anecdotes are purely optional.

Share:

Showing single comment thread. View the full conversation.

  • thumb
    Jan 7 2014: My observation is that we can approach life in two different ways.
    One, by believing that everything and everybody is a potential risk for me and taking nothing for granted. Then slowly removing doubts and skepticism and trying to find lasting love. This is a safe way but it cuts down chances and opportunities too.
    The other way is to start by believing everything and everybody is a potential source of joy and enrichment. Then facing life chest on, receive blows of pain and betrayal and surviving to find lasting love. This is the risky way but opens new opportunities in meaningful ways.

    The choice is ours.

    I shall prefer to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
    • Jan 7 2014: Very good approach, and sometimes we have to interpret someone's approach as caused by their unfortuanate situation, or misjudgement of what we (didn't) cause(d).
    • Jan 10 2014: Wonderful, Pabitra.
      I consider myself very much a member of the 2nd approach group, but sadly lack the tools to face life in the head-up chest-forward manner you describe in a way that hasn't caused me more pain than I thought possible.
      I love unconditionally, would go so far as to say I have an extreme altruist mentality, but I had to lose love for me to realize that love is also too valuable to bestow on just anyone.
      And yet, I can't imagine never bestowing it again.
      • thumb
        Jan 10 2014: "I had to lose love for me to realize that love is also too valuable to bestow on just anyone."
        Yes love is too valuable to bestow on just anyone. So please bestow it on everyone, unconditionally.
        Problem, Lizanne, is that we are hardwired culturally to think that romantic love is the pinnacle of our love potential and that it is this kind of love that we must bestow on one chosen person for emotional fulfillment. But it may not be true.
        There are other kinds of love and we are brimming with those. It will be a pity if you do not give it to others.
        However, you cannot deprive your own self from that love too.
        One who loves you will understand.

Showing single comment thread. View the full conversation.