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Eliana Reyes

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What do you think are the TOP 3 personal issues that stop an individual from pursuing their life purpose and developing their talents?

For as long as I can remember I have been fascinated with studying different issues people deal with and reasons why they may not be content with their life.

I am curious to know what everyone else thinks (based on observation or personal experience).

What stops us from "living life?"
What are the main issues in life? Is it fear? doubt? low self esteem? envy?
Why do you think some people let those issues stifle their purpose in life?

Lets Talk! :)

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    Dec 18 2013: Hi Eliana,

    Personally, I think the top 1 reason is that they literally do not believe that they can achieve their dreams. For example, if you ask a person to read aloud "I can achieve whatever dream I want to achieve. I can live a meaningful live and have an positive influence on my friends, family, and even the world." I think that most of the people will have an inner voice that say "What? Achieve dreams? Have an influence on the world?? You must be kidding!" So I think that some people cannot pursue their dreams because they literally do not believe that they can achieve it.

    I think the second reason is that people tend to blame too much on themselves. I think that many people have the feeling of guilty and weak when they did not achieve what they want, such as getting up early in the morning. Then, they might think that they are just losers and they just cannot be a persistent person, which make them giving up. However, they do not realize that failure is just perfectly normal on the way to success.

    The third one might be lack of support from friends and family. I think that it is really hard for one to continue her dream if there is no one supporting and encouraging her.
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      Dec 19 2013: It wasn't until I had the wonderful privilege of working amongst people passionate about their work - people who had vocations rather than jobs - that I had a true, deep-down realisation that the difference between people in 'sensible' careers and people in inspiring careers isn't just luck. I realised that 'sensible' doesn't have to mean 'boring' - sometimes inspiring careers can be sensible, too. And I realised that my colleagues came into their careers through completely achievable means - achievable for me, too. I can't say what kept me from realising this earlier in life. Perhaps it was coming from a 'work hard' family rather than a 'follow your dreams' family, or perhaps it was never before having met a person in a career which inspired me.

      So, for me, it was as you say, Mingkun - at least with respect to my career. I didn't think dreams were achievable by normal people. When that changed, I also needed a bit of extra motivation to make the necessary sacrifices and, of course, money.
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      Dec 19 2013: Mingkun and Sara,
      I agree with what you both have expressed....

      I personally view the life adventure as an exploration, so in my mind and heart, there are no mistakes or failures. There are opportunities to learn, grow and evolve as an individual while contributing to the whole.
      As one of my good friends often says....."it's not a problem....it's a feature":>)

      Imagine how it might feel if we do not label anything a failure, but rather consider it as an opportunity to learn and grow? It frees us from the feelings of guilt, blame, being losers, feeling that we are not persistent enough, strong enough....on and on....

      These feelings often stem from fear of not "being enough", and if we can free ourselves from these feelings and really believe in our "self", we can move through the life adventure with curiosity and love.
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        Dec 20 2013: You enlightened me Colleen! The wall is there to give every single person opportunities to challenge themselves. For different people, the wall may be different. However, there will always be walls to try to let us show our courage and enthusiasm to our goals. Thus, we do have a choice.
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          Dec 20 2013: Oh my goodness Mingkun.....that was easy.....LOL:>)

          I think you are already enlightened my friend....glad you joined the TED community:>)

          Are you aware of this?
          "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
          (Marianne Williamson)

          This quote is often found on the Internet incorrectly credited to Nelson Mandela from his Inauguration Speech, 1994, especially the last sentence of that quote, “As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
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      Dec 19 2013: Hi there!

      I thought I had replied to this, but I see that it never went through. Mingkun thanks for sharing your thoughts. I totally agree with you as well. I have seen those things to be true in my own personal life and I have learned the power and important of faith: believing in yourself. The second reason you mentioned is one I was currently having a conversation about. I believe that when it comes to over blaming yourself for things there are 2 things at play:

      1. Lacking compassion, forgiveness and love for yourself.
      2. Not being comfortable with imperfections.

      I loved that you said that failure is part of success. Yes! And I think we can become better at embracing our weaknesses and imperfections knowing that some days are going to be great and some days we will be in a funky mood. But, we shouldn't let that one mood dictate our day, our week, our month, our year, or our life!.

      And Colleen you summed it perfect. The key is to convince ourselves that WE ARE ENOUGH and put a bit more of faith in us like we put it on other things. That is a very liberating mindset to have. I am just so heart broken with the youth around me who cant fully grasp these concepts yet because of the different pressure they receive daily. Sigh.
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        Dec 19 2013: Sara, Colleen, and Eliana,

        Thanks for your replies! As Colleen said, if we all view failures as an opportunity to grow, life will be so different. And I totally agree with Eliana's 2 reasons for why we tend to over blame ourselves.

        I also want to add one more thing about why we tend to over blame ourselves. It is because that we view reality as an enemy instead of a friend. When we pursue our dreams, we tend to view current reality(We are lazy, do not have enough capital, do not have a good education, etc) as an enemy to stop us from pursuing our dreams. Thus, it becomes normal that we feel as a loser when we lose since we are defeated by our enemy. However, if we view reality as a friend, the problem will be totally different. In fact, reality is really a friend on our roads to achieve dreams. It is a friend to let us know how badly we want something, and a friend to let us know how important our dreams are, and a friend to let us know what we should do to achieve our dreams. It is simply not an enemy to stop us, but a friend to remind us that we have dreams, and we want to achieve our dreams no matter what. As Randy Pausch said: "The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people."
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          Dec 19 2013: WELL SAID Mingkun!

          Are the walls there to "stop" other people, or do you think/feel they may be there to give ALL people the same opportunities to challenge themselves? Maybe both? Do you think it is a choice for us?
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          Dec 20 2013: Love that last quote!! You rock. Tis true my friend. I like that mindset you explained on how to view our realiy (with all he ups and downs) as a friend. Frm expereince, I know it makes a difference.

          In all of these comments I am seeing a thread on the importance or rather the impact that "our mindset" has in our daily life. I have always been a firm believer of what we repeatedly think, we manifest. And in my expereince as a story-teller I have learned that they are powerful! They can spread a truth or a lie. One of my menors, Les Brown, told me something this year that absolutley changed my life. He said:

          "There are the stories we are born into, he stories we live by, and the stories at we create. What story are you telling yourself daily?"

          This made me look at my actions and then question the story I told myself to arive to that action. It then made me look at my past and see patterns. When I wasnt happy, when I was being too harsh on myself, when I was over blaming self- I was telling myself a not so loving story. "Eliana you CANT do that. Eliana you know better. Eliana people like you cant expereince that. Eliana blah bla blah"

          Its liberating to know that WE have the power AND choice to create a new story in our minds, a truth we want to comint to living so that our "reality" changes. So much more I can say on this! Sigh

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