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Ray Jamieson

Author and teacher,

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What are the three things you believe are most important in making a relationship better? What have been your experiences?

In my fifties, I have discovered a GREAT relationship. However, I thought I had it before, and for a variety of reasons, those relationships failed. Looking back, I can see why, and I know that although I had my failings, a couple of times those relationship failures had nothing to do with me - circumstances over which I had no direct control intervened and changed everything.

However, now I have found what I was really looking for and we are married, committed to each other "for this world and the next", which we put into our wedding vows.

The three things I place most importance on are:
1: Listening. I now take time to listen intently to what Susan is talking about. There's a couple of reasons, not the least being that she is incredibly intelligent and is always worth listening to. However, it's always interesting - she is from the far side of the planet to me, a 12 hour time zone difference, and there is so much we want to learn about each other's different life experiences.
2: Time to talk and share. Not just time watching TV, but time invested in doing things together, such as developing the business, discussing strategies, as well as talking about life, family, what to do at Christmas, and much more. Time to share, to express and to just BE together.
2: Honesty. We had a learning experience early on, when I had some issues with an Ex that I thought I could resolve on my own. Bad move. Susan not only had better ideas about it, she understood the other end of the situation, being female, and could make suggestions that worked. However, not telling her everything early on delayed the resolution and hurt her too, as she wondered firstly if there were trust issues, and secondly, she wondered if there was "anything else!"

What are the three things that you believe are most important in improving a relationship, or repairing/retrieving a failed relationship?

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    Nov 15 2013: Make sure you'r on the same page , whatever page ,you'r on at the time .

    Sexual appetites, should be , must be very similar .

    Cooking and preparing food together ,

    Kids ??? yours, hers, yalls , discipline of them needs to be similar , a must .

    Goals need to be talked about and recognized .

    Drug use ?? Alcohol use ???

    The most important thing , always be sweet and kind , and once something is said in anger, it cannot be un-said, no matter how many im sorrys you repeat over and over .

    There will be times, when you can be right or you can be HAPPY, you must make that choice , and if you must be RIGHT, all the time you may be with the wrong person .
    • Nov 15 2013: A lot of wisdom in what you say Jeff, thank you.
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      Nov 15 2013: Good points Jeff,

      I totally agree with the idea that we can be right or we can be happy, and it is a conscious choice. If a person feels that s/he must be right all the time, why does that indicate s/he may be with the wrong person? How can being with another person alter the belief that one has to be right all the time? Could it be something in oneself that could be dealt with rather than simply saying we are with the wrong person?
      Wherever we go, there we are with our "self".

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