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What are the three things you believe are most important in making a relationship better? What have been your experiences?

In my fifties, I have discovered a GREAT relationship. However, I thought I had it before, and for a variety of reasons, those relationships failed. Looking back, I can see why, and I know that although I had my failings, a couple of times those relationship failures had nothing to do with me - circumstances over which I had no direct control intervened and changed everything.

However, now I have found what I was really looking for and we are married, committed to each other "for this world and the next", which we put into our wedding vows.

The three things I place most importance on are:
1: Listening. I now take time to listen intently to what Susan is talking about. There's a couple of reasons, not the least being that she is incredibly intelligent and is always worth listening to. However, it's always interesting - she is from the far side of the planet to me, a 12 hour time zone difference, and there is so much we want to learn about each other's different life experiences.
2: Time to talk and share. Not just time watching TV, but time invested in doing things together, such as developing the business, discussing strategies, as well as talking about life, family, what to do at Christmas, and much more. Time to share, to express and to just BE together.
2: Honesty. We had a learning experience early on, when I had some issues with an Ex that I thought I could resolve on my own. Bad move. Susan not only had better ideas about it, she understood the other end of the situation, being female, and could make suggestions that worked. However, not telling her everything early on delayed the resolution and hurt her too, as she wondered firstly if there were trust issues, and secondly, she wondered if there was "anything else!"

What are the three things that you believe are most important in improving a relationship, or repairing/retrieving a failed relationship?

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  • Nov 13 2013: I am interested in this question but more importantly I am interested in the idea behind it. These days everything seems to be becoming data driven. Everyone is trying to analyze something or the other and it has come to the point where, yes, individuals are analyzing relationships. I find that to be odd but im sure there is truth and success with the studies that have been done. For me you cannot analyze everyone in a relationship. Everyone is looking for something different and they will be attracted to other individuals that can fulfill those needs, simply out. That is human nature. Now I cannot say what will make a relationship better because I don't know which relationship or who's relationship but when looking at it in a general context people always want a few things. I will list 3.

    1.) I believe that people want honesty.
    In relationships you always want someone whom you can trust.
    2.) You want someone who will provide you with new and fun experiences. Provoking many emotions out of each other.
    3.) Individuals want others that they can be themselves around. No one wants to keep being someone they are not. Don't lie to yourself.
    • Nov 14 2013: Very important points Kunal. Thank you. When you plan on spending your life with someone, you need to be able to look ahead 20-40 years and feel confident this persin will be fun to be with, and that you are secure with them, and not have to act at being something other than who you really are - that's a long time to be on stage without showing yourself - better to be yourself all the way through. That would also mean you attracted someone who did like who you really were too!

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