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Why is asking for help at best uncomfortable, at worst impossible?

I was hit by a car and severely injured. After 2 yrs I am working again but not at the rate I was. During this time I fell into deep depression and fearful monetary situations. I spent a lot of time hiding in bed hoping to vaporize. I was also afraid of not being able to return to work because of PTSD. I found it impossible to ask for help. I am on the mend but I was wondering why this is. Any ideas?

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    Nov 1 2013: Kellie, The better question is why should you have to ask for help.

    We are a small town. A house caught fire. The family was taken in. The ladies made quilts. The men conducted repairs. The community restocked the food supply and all was well again in a few days.

    We have set stupid notions in our heads ... red heads love to fight ... blonds have more fun .... crying shows weakness .... asking for help is a weakness .... and on and on ....

    I am no expert but here is a take from the old guy. Get to know who you are. Once you are comfortable with that person and begin to like him / her the old taboos go away.

    You were obviously not treated well during this bad experience. So here is question for you ... You know what it was like to go through this ... what would you do now that you would not have done before for a relative ... neighbor ... friend ... co - worker ...

    For anyone who came to your help ... thank them publicly and openly. Ask to make a statement at church about your experience and thank your supporters (even if there were none). It could change how some people react to events.

    As a example I always wait a week or so after burial to visit the family. Immediately after they have family and friends. In about two weeks everyone has gone home ... the walls close in ... anger sets in ... despair ... I sit with them while they cuss, yell at the world, and begin closure.

    I have held men, women, and kids when they cried and never once thought them weak.

    Shake the old myths ... inform your circle ... be comfortable with yourself.

    I wish you well. Bob.
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    Nov 1 2013: We all like to feel strong, secure and invincible.
    Asking for help means admitting that we are not as strong, secure and invincible as we thought.
    Might that be the reason ?
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    Nov 3 2013: I know only too well that during the times when I get depression, it is something of a paradox that when I feel weak I refuse to ask for help, yet when feeling strong, asking for help is no problem at all.

    Take a look at EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). It is very successful in cases of PTSD, though there is the proviso that the research as to why it works is still a bit sketchy. This may put you off, but I can tell you that I've seen ex-military personnel returning with PTSD have had their lives significantly improved with this therapy. Good description here:

    To search for an EMDR practitioner in the US, try this:

    Hope this helps.
  • Nov 2 2013: As others have pointed out, asking for help is perceived to be admitting a weakness. Most adults want to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and in total control of their own lives. Adult family members want to to be strong and love drives them to want to provide for the weaker family members. Adult community members want to be strong and friendship drives them to want to provide for weaker community members. While the desire never quells, at some point adults realize they have limited individual strength, but more strength as a group, family, community, nation, etc. They also realize that life is full of events that are random, unexpected, and often unpredictable. These events have the capability to change the relative strength of an individual (such as an accident), of a family(such as a tragedy for one member), or of a large group (such as a hurricane or famine). It is during these times that people must admit they need help to survive. To the extent these events were beyond the control of the individual, usually even the most proud will accept the help such that the individual, family, or group can survive. During times of weakness, the speed of transition and magnitude of the prior strength can cause a feeling of being a burden. It is temporary, the strength is still there.

    The after effect is usually an increase in maturity with the realization that sometimes people need help to get through the tough times of life and survive. A person helped by such generosity usually is more willing to help others and give back. A person who has lived through personal tragedy knows the path and where to find the strength to get through hardships. These are precious commodities and can be very valuable to those living the hardship associated with a tragedy.

    Use your will and remaining strength to rebuild your independence and confidence in your ability to be strong again. Then, perhaps you can use your strength and knowledge to lead others out of similar situations.
  • Nov 2 2013: We all need help when we were in our misery or uncomfortable situation.

    Asking help isn't wrong because when people around is in that situation he/she will also ask for someone that he/she can depend on or lean on.

    I somehow agree with what Robert Winner say...

    but sometimes pride always take part in this situation because you felt like you will be a burden to anyone. You just want to work to the things you used to be, even though you already it is impossible for you return that soon. You just need to depend on someone until the situation gets better.

    Cheers, wish you all the best.
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    Nov 1 2013: Well, think about what we spend the first part of our lives trying to do. We try to get independence from our parental figures, whoever that may be these days. We work hard to make a life where everything seems to be under our control. Once we feel like our independence might be at risk, we fight it even subconsously. I believe this is the root of our fear of asking for help, Even if doing so might make things a lot easier, which might have been your case. Good question by the way.
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    Nov 1 2013: Asking for help is difficult because it is almost always vague and is perceived as weakness. Asking for support with some proposal or for a purpose or result is different. Support is perceived as more tangible and hence more likely, help is dependent only on emotion
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    Oct 31 2013: You may find interesting Amanda Palmer's TED talk on the subject of asking for help.